13mo waking when we go to bed... help?

[bluedove]

Hello there! I'm new here, came looking for an active forum on co-sleeping for some help with this issue.

A little background: I'm 32 and have a 13mo DD, Chloe. We have breastfed and co-slept from day one with few issues. I'm something of a night owl, so we generally goof off in the living room, watching TV and such until we come to that magic hour of I'm ready to go to bed and she has fallen asleep nursing. I usually feel ready to sleep around 2am so it's common for us to go until 3am before we finally retire.
Sometimes if she falls asleep before I'm ready for bed, I put her in bed with Daddy and steal off for a little me time. Unfortunately, she has woken up a few times after I've gone and then woken him up. I think maybe this has led to our current problem.

She has begun waking when we lie down and popping up like a daisy, all bright eyed and bushy tailed. I try getting her nurse again, or at least snuggle and lie down, but she won't have any of it. Eventually I have to give up and get back up again. This has pushed us to the point of going to bed in the morning when she's finally too exhausted to wake up and then we sleep into the afternoon.

I really need us back on a more "normal for us" schedule. I don't want her going to sleep on her own too long before I do as I need to be able to get up with her when she wakes. Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can fix this? TIA!

[LadyCatherine185]

I suggest reading the book "sleepless in america." You guys need to restructure your whole day and change your routine. It is going to be tough.. The first thing you will probably have to do is start waking up much earlier in the day to help reset your body clock.

Good luck!

[russsk]

DS used to wake when we would go to bed, then wouldn't fall back asleep. I started putting him to bed in his room on a mattress on the floor. When he would wake up (he didn't STTN) Dh would bring him into our room. It has worked really well for us.

[crunchy_mommy]

We just put DS to bed in our bed (mattress on the floor) and then DH & I will talk quietly, or watch TV, or I'll go on the laptop or read while DH does housework. Basically I just do whatever as long as I stay in bed whenever DS is in bed. He doesn't sleep unless I'm right beside him (although he's starting to get better about that now, at 16mos, and I can occasionally leave him in bed alone for a bit). I don't know if that's the BEST solution etc. but it works for me & I was not interested in changing our routines (i.e. I am not about to go to bed at 9pm, just not gonna happen!)

[bluedove]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

I suggest reading the book "sleepless in america." You guys need to restructure your whole day and change your routine. It is going to be tough.. The first thing you will probably have to do is start waking up much earlier in the day to help reset your body clock.

Good luck!

Why would we need to restructure our whole day? I looked up the book and it didn't really seem to be related to my issue. Can you tell me more about it and why you suggested it to me?

Originally Posted by russsk

DS used to wake when we would go to bed, then wouldn't fall back asleep. I started putting him to bed in his room on a mattress on the floor. When he would wake up (he didn't STTN) Dh would bring him into our room. It has worked really well for us.

Unfortunately, we are 4 people in a 2 BR house right now... she doesn't have her own bedroom. I went back and read my post and realized I wasn't clear. What happens is Daddy goes to bed first and later Chloe and I come to bed, usually with her already asleep. But when we lie down, she pops up very wakeful and talks and plays, etc. And then we have to get back up...

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

We just put DS to bed in our bed (mattress on the floor) and then DH & I will talk quietly, or watch TV, or I'll go on the laptop or read while DH does housework. Basically I just do whatever as long as I stay in bed whenever DS is in bed. He doesn't sleep unless I'm right beside him (although he's starting to get better about that now, at 16mos, and I can occasionally leave him in bed alone for a bit). I don't know if that's the BEST solution etc. but it works for me & I was not interested in changing our routines (i.e. I am not about to go to bed at 9pm, just not gonna happen!)

Yeah, I have a sleeping DH in the bed I have to worry about. If I didn't have to worry about that I might be able to just hang out until she gave up and went back to sleep...

Hmm... thanks for reading my post and trying to help out. Last night we had to get up once and I just waited until she was really tired and wanted to nurse and THEN took her to bed and nursed her to sleep. Not an ideal answer but maybe I can work on that idea.

[LadyCatherine185]

I suggested the book because (if I read your post correctly) if she is waking up in the middle of the night for hours and then sleeping all day, her body clock is on a bit of a wacky schedule. If you are ok with this schedule, then don't change it.

[crunchy_mommy]

So if I understand correctly -- you nurse DD to sleep in the living room & watch TV or something, while DH is sleeping in the bedroom? Then when you're ready to sleep, you carry her to the bedroom & she wakes up?

I guess I don't understand why you can't just stay in the bedroom & watch TV quietly or read a book with a book light, even if DH is sleeping (unless he's an insanely light sleeper, but my DH was and he got used to me watching TV while he sleeps)... Or why couldn't you nurse her to sleep in the bedroom with DH and then leave her there & you go in the other room alone to watch TV?

I just don't think moving her while she's sleeping will continue to work for much longer, she's past that infant stage where she can sleep anywhere, anytime, and probably needs to just stay in one spot for the night. Though you could wait til she's ready to nurse again, but that seems... inconvenient.

What do you do when you take her to the bedroom? Do you turn the lights on? Do you keep the noise level the same (maybe she's waking because the background noise has changed)... Do you keep her in your arms or do you lay her on the bed? I've found with DS that not changing anything mid-sleep works best. So if he falls asleep in silence, that silence neeps to be maintained... if he falls asleep with soft noise, the noise has to taper slowly not just suddenly stop... if he falls asleep in my arms, he needs to stay in my arms, and if I have to move him, I'd lay down and keep him in my arms for 20 minutes or so before sliding him off & onto the bed. Slow transitions, giving time to fall back into that deep sleep. But I'd only do that when absolutely necessary; 99% of the time we stay in the same spot he fell asleep in.

I know you said your issue is that she's so alert & ready to play but I think the real issue is that she's waking up unnecessarily because you're moving her & changing her environment... I could be totally off-base though!

[bluedove]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

I suggested the book because (if I read your post correctly) if she is waking up in the middle of the night for hours and then sleeping all day, her body clock is on a bit of a wacky schedule. If you are ok with this schedule, then don't change it.

Ok, I see now. The whole behavior and sleep deprivation angle of the book had me confused. I'm familiar with the body clock and yes, my own is on kinda permanently skewed. Thanks for the suggestion, I may check it out.

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

So if I understand correctly -- you nurse DD to sleep in the living room & watch TV or something, while DH is sleeping in the bedroom? Then when you're ready to sleep, you carry her to the bedroom & she wakes up?

I guess I don't understand why you can't just stay in the bedroom & watch TV quietly or read a book with a book light, even if DH is sleeping (unless he's an insanely light sleeper, but my DH was and he got used to me watching TV while he sleeps)... Or why couldn't you nurse her to sleep in the bedroom with DH and then leave her there & you go in the other room alone to watch TV?

I just don't think moving her while she's sleeping will continue to work for much longer, she's past that infant stage where she can sleep anywhere, anytime, and probably needs to just stay in one spot for the night. Though you could wait til she's ready to nurse again, but that seems... inconvenient.

What do you do when you take her to the bedroom? Do you turn the lights on? Do you keep the noise level the same (maybe she's waking because the background noise has changed)... Do you keep her in your arms or do you lay her on the bed? I've found with DS that not changing anything mid-sleep works best. So if he falls asleep in silence, that silence neeps to be maintained... if he falls asleep with soft noise, the noise has to taper slowly not just suddenly stop... if he falls asleep in my arms, he needs to stay in my arms, and if I have to move him, I'd lay down and keep him in my arms for 20 minutes or so before sliding him off & onto the bed. Slow transitions, giving time to fall back into that deep sleep. But I'd only do that when absolutely necessary; 99% of the time we stay in the same spot he fell asleep in.

I know you said your issue is that she's so alert & ready to play but I think the real issue is that she's waking up unnecessarily because you're moving her & changing her environment... I could be totally off-base though!

Yes, exactly! And I think you're totally right about the change waking her. DH wakes fairly easily but he goes back to sleep easily too. (He's one of these who gets up, goes to the bathroom, lays back down and almost instantly starts snoring again, LOL!) However, if she is awake and sees him get up, or we speak to each other she REALLY thinks it's time to play! Another problem with staying in bed with her so awake is that she gets rambunctious and will bonk her head against the wall. (Our bed is shoved into the corner to protect those sides from falling off)

When I carry her to bed, I turn off the tv and we go from a low-light living room to an even lower light bedroom (lit by night-light) and I have to crawl into bed and lay her down with my arms still around her. The motion seems to wake her more than the noise change.

You may be right, we may just have to go to bed awake and then nurse to sleep in bed from here on out. It may be time to come up with an actual bedtime routine now.

Thanks for all the input!

[Jessnet]

Thank you!!!

I’m not the op, but I have a 16 mo DS with the exact same problem. For the past week when I put him down to sleep around midnight he pops back up when I come to bed an hour or two later, thus creating a nap at midnight. I count last night as an improvement because we were asleep by 4am!

Because we have some upcoming daytime commitments I have been trying to adjust our schedule for them, but I just can’t get my boy to sleep earlier, so I was really down about it last night. I needed this post! I will certainly try to keep the enviroments similar - we too go from different light and sound levels. Such a simple thing I wasn't thinking of...

I sometimes feel like I am the only wacky momma who is a better mom late at night when I am tired then in the morning when I am tired. I needed to read this post and know that I am not alone.

THANKS for all the support other mommas!

[bluedove]

Well, I'm glad my post could help you out, even if it is just to let you know you aren't alone!

Last night did not go well here. She seemed ready for bed but after at least half an hour in the bed she showed no signs of settling down. She kept rolling and flopping and standing up and trying to climb over me to get to Daddy... argh.
Finally I gave up and got back up... figured out she was having gas issues so I gave her gas drops and some water w/ gripe water... she finally went to sleep about 7am...

[Shanny2032]

I think many of our LO's awake again when we come to bed at say 10 11 or 12 pm, nurse and go back to sleep. That is what is to be expected, I feel anyway. What I think is not working for you - as discussed already - is moving her. And also the time of night. If a child wakes at 11 pm and is suddenly wide awake don't get me wrong - it sucks. But by say 2 am we are all back asleep and eventually get a bad, but doable nights sleep. If a child wakes at 3 am and is bright eyed and bushy tailed for 3 hours that puts you into "daytime" with the sun coming up etc.

If you just chose to transition her to felling asleep in your bed it will take a while and you'll have some tough nights at this age but with consistency it can be done. I do think it would help to gradually move the hour back so that you are both going to sleep earlier but only you know if that will work for your family.