Okay, this is going to be really long. But I want to make sure I'm not totally out in left field, or if I missed something really important, etc... Please give me your feedback. 
Thank you so much for all of your help!!!
~~~~~~
General Philosophy
We care about the well-being of our children. We shall put our children's needs first in all aspects of their life, growth and development. We realize we both are very important to our children and they need each of us as an active parent throughout their lives. We will give our children permission to love, and be proud of, the other parent. We expect each child is an individual and may have different needs and that their needs will change as they grow older.
As the developmental and life needs will change drastically over the next few years, it is understood that this agreement is geared specifically to the baby/toddler years and will need to be regularly modified as the children grow.
We agree to raise our children in a respectful and gentle manner. This includes:
No physical punishments! Re-direction is to be used until child has reached a developmental stage to understand natural consequences.
If a time-out is deemed necessary, only to be used once child is old enough to understand this type of consequence, time out is only one minute per year age of child. Example, a two year old would have a two minute time-out.
All consequences should be delivered in love, and talked about with child to ensure they understand what was done wrong and that you still love them unconditionally.
We agree not use the Crying It Out method. The child should never be left alone to cry.
Legal & Physical Custody and Major Decision Making
Legal Custody
We will have joint legal custody. Meaning all major decisions in regards to education, medical and religion will be decided together. If an agreement cannot be reached, it is agreed to seek out a mediator. Costs for mediation will be split 50/50.
Physical Custody
We will have shared physical custody, with JSMa, mother, retaining the primary residence at ~address~, as the custodial parent. STBX, father, will have reasonable visitation (detailed under parenting schedule), taking the child's best interest into consideration, as the non-custodial parent.
Medical Care
Both of us agree to consult with one another concerning medical and dental insurance. We will determine which has the best plan and, if in agreement, obtain that plan. We agree to share the cost of that plan for the children in a 50/50 split.(note, this part may change when we go to domestics) We further agree to divide and pay any uncovered costs on a 50/50 basis. Explanation of Benefits and invoices will be tracked, and amounts will be discussed quarterly to set up 50% payment reimbursement to the parent that paid for treatment.
It is agreed that JSMa will set up appointments and inform STBX of the dates and times. Either parent, or both will accompany child to appointment, as schedules allow. This will be discussed when JSMa informs STBX of appointment time.
Emergencies
Each parent is required to notify the other parent immediately of any medical emergency. The parent present is authorized to sign legal consents for both parents to permit emergency intervention.
Information
On any emergency information sheet, each parent will list the other as the first person to contact if he or she is not reachable.
Parenting/Visitation Schedule
Visitation Schedule for DD
DD will spend every other weekend with STBX (on same weekends as her older sister). STBX will pick up DD from her daycare at approximately 3:30 pm Friday afternoon, until 10:00 am Sunday morning.
STBX is also welcome to visit with DD during the week, Monday through Thursday, between the hours of 4:00 pm to 7:00 pm, when his schedule allows. He is to give JSMa at least 24 hour notice if he plans to visit during this time, so she can ensure her and DD do not have conflicting plans and are home. If plans conflict, STBX will have to request a new time to visit.
Visitation Schedule for DS
DS will be primarily in JSMa's care for at least the first 6 months from birth. No overnights are to take place until DS is eating solid foods in addition to breast milk, and also sleeping through the night (waking no more than once per night).
STBX is encouraged to visit DS daily between the hours of 3:00 pm and 7:00 pm Monday through Friday, at primary residence, and may visit as much as he likes on Saturday and Sunday. All visits should be given at least a 24 hour notice. If plans conflict with the requested visit, STBX is to request a different time to visit. It is understood that the baby may be napping and/or breastfeeding during the visit hours, but JSMa will accommodate for as much bonding time to happen with STBX during the visits.
Once DS is on solid foods and sleeping through the night, approximately 6 months of age, we will progressively work towards overnight visits. This will start with STBX taking DS for 4-6 hour spans on every other Saturday (on weekends he has older daughter for visits) for at least two months time.
If DS is doing well, it can progress to 6-8 hours on every other Saturday for at least two months time.
If DS is doing well, it can progress to 8-12 hours on every other Saturday for at least two months time.
If DS is doing well, it can progress to DS going from 10:00 am Saturday morning until 10:00 am Sunday morning for one overnight, every other weekend, for at least two months time.
If DS is doing well, it can progress to same schedule as his sister at this time.
It is understood that if at anytime it is apparent that DS is not adjusting well, example, excessive screaming/crying fits, showing anxiety, etc, JSMa is to be called and the visit is to be cut short. If DS is showing signs that he/she is not quite ready for a longer visit, another month will be added onto whichever hour/overnight visitation stage he is at.
It is understood that this visitation schedule for DS takes precedence over any of the holiday schedules listed.
Holiday Schedules
Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day
We agree to consult one another about any family plans we may have for any of these holidays. The consultation should take place at least two weeks prior to the date, to ensure time for planning and any resolutions that need to be made. Whoever has a family commitment/picnic/vacation will get precedence for the holiday time. If both parents have commitments, when at all possible, if the times of the events allow the child to attend both events, the parents should strive to make this happen, to ensure family bonds for the child. If times/event do not allow the child to attend both, the parent that did not get the last non/religious/familial holiday will have precedence for holiday time.
If the holiday time creates one parent having three weekend visits in a row, it is understood that the following weekend after the holiday (the would be third weekend) will be adjusted to the other parents time.
Halloween – Trick-or-Treat
Trick-or-Treating will not start until child is two years of age, minimum. At this time we will switch every other year for who will take the children trick-or-treating. The parent whose year it is can determine location. The other parent is always welcome and encouraged to go with.
Easter/ Thanksgiving/Christmas
It has been decided that Easter/Thanksgiving/Christmas will be held at the primary residence until the younger child is two years of age. STBX is welcome and encouraged to come share the holiday festivities with his children. After youngest child is two years of age, these holidays will be shared every other year, as per the following times:
Easter
6:00 pm the evening before until 6:00 pm Easter day
Christmas
6:00 Christmas Eve until 6:00 Christmas Day
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving Day 10:00 am until 6:00 pm
Family Obligations
JSMa's family has two major family events a year that should be accommodated for the children to attend to ensure family bonds. Every Saturday of Father’s Day weekend is her maternal family reunion. This does not interfere with Father’s Day itself, and will be JSMa's day with the children so they can attend their family reunion.
In December, JSMa's family also hosts a family Christmas party on one of the Saturdays in the month. It should be accommodated for JSMa to have the children on this Saturday for the children to attend to ensure family bonds.
Father’s Day/Mother’s Day/Parents Birthday
Each parent will get the children on their respective holiday day from 9:00 am to 6:00 pm.
Each parent will choose a weekend day either one weekend before or after their birthday that they wish to celebrate their birthday, it if does not fall on a weekend day, and accommodations will be made to ensure the parent will get the children for that weekend day from 9:00 am to 6:00 pm, if it is not during their normal visit schedule.
Additional Visitation Schedule Agreements
Although our children need living arrangements that are predictable, if something unexpected or unavoidable comes up, we shall give each other as much notice as possible. If we are unable to agree on a change to the schedule, the visitation schedule shall be followed. If this results in the need for child care, the scheduled parent shall make the child care arrangements and pay the cost.
We recognize that decision making is an important part of parenting. We agree that the parent our children are with (the “on-duty” parent) will make decisions about their day-to-day care.
If STBX is late picking children up from daycare on scheduled pick-ups on every other Friday, he is responsible for all charges past normal time.
If child cannot go to daycare due to sickness, each parent takes turns to miss work.
We shall arrive on time (no more than 20 minutes early or late) to drop off and pick up of our children.
Our children's clothing, and special belongings will travel with them and parents should make sure all items are returned with child at pick-ups.
Out of Town Travel
If parent is planning on going overnight out of town anywhere with the children, the other parent should be notified. The parent with the children in their care should be able to be reached by phone in case of any emergencies at all times, and should provide alternate numbers if there is no cell phone service.
Parental Cooperation
Children need both of their parents' love and support.
We agree to leave our children out of adult discussions about our parenting plan and all other aspects of our separation/divorce/break-up.
We will not discuss the other parent in a negative way in the presence of or within the hearing range of our children and will not allow others to do so. We will advise others about the importance of not speaking negatively about either parent around our children.
Direct Communications. We will discuss our concerns directly with the other parent without our children present.
Expectations and Routines. We agree to support consistent expectations and routines for our children, which include shared expectations regarding bed-time, television, and discipline.
We agree on the following expectations:
- Bed time shall be no later than 8:30 pm
- No television until over two years of age (note, this does not mean the TV cannot be on around them, simply that the child should never be put in front of the TV specifically for them to watch it at this age).
- Television time should be limited to no more than two hours a day over the age of two, unless for special circumstances, such as a sleepover movie-thon, or the child is feeling sick and needs to lay down and rest.
- Discipline: There is to be NO physical punishments of any kind. All guidance should be given with love and respect for the child, with explanations as to why something they did wasn’t a good thing to do. Example: “No biting. Biting hurts people. If you need to bite, please chew on this washcloth.”
Communication
All communications about the children shall be written in a communication book, which shall pass with the children as they pass between households. In it are to be noted important events/milestones of the previous week, the child's health and need for current medication, and upcoming appointments that may effect the children's scheduling. Requests for adjustments in parenting times may also be entered. While each parent is encouraged to respond to all requests within 48 hours, silence in regard to a request shall be considered a "yes". The book may not be used to criticize either parent's behavior.
Right of First Refusal
If either parent will not be available to be present for more than two hours of their parenting time, that time should be offered to the other parent before any other care options are sought out.
Safety
STBX agrees to enroll in a parenting class, as recommended by his counselor, to help guide him in healthy and gentle parenting choices.
STBX agrees to stay in counseling that is geared to anger management.
We shall not use, nor allow anyone else to use, physical discipline with our children, ever!
Neither parent shall allow our children to be in the presence of smoking of any kind.
Our children are to never be around XX, the paternal step grandfather, without themselves being present with him.
We agree to not leave our children in the sole care of any significant others, until the relationship has reached at least six months, and the other parent has been given the option to meet with the new partner and feel out their parenting philosophy. We are to respect each others need to feel safe and trusting with who our children are left in the care of.
Conflict Resolution
1. Should any disputes arise between us or the children in the areas of education, health care, childcare, religious training, operation of a motor vehicle, extra-curricular activities, vacations, or other significant issues, we agree that it is in the best interests of the children and ourselves to resolve any disputes. All such decisions must be made jointly or arbitrated. They may not be made unilaterally by either parent. Should either of us wish to modify this agreement, we agree to:
2. Meet and confer with one another, each to present to the other a proposed solution to the dispute. If there is no resolution at this step, we will then:
3. Meet and confer with an expert in the field related to the dispute, e.g., doctor, teacher, counselor, etc. If there is no resolution at this step, we will then:
4. Meet and confer with a mediator/counselor who has had experience in dispute resolution. All concerned shall use their best efforts to resolve the issues. Should there be no resolution at this step, we will then:
5. Submit the matter to a Special Master for mediation/arbitration prior to returning to court. If there is no resolution at this step, we will then:
6. Only in the event that we still cannot agree will we submit the matter to a Court of competent jurisdiction. We understand that this is an extraordinary step and will be resorted to only when there is no other way to resolve the problem.
7. This section shall apply to all parts of this agreement.
8. Until there is resolution of any dispute that may arise concerning this agreement, the operative terms of this agreement shall remain in full force and effect.
9. Any related costs to having to seek third party resolution help shall be shared 50/50.
Review of Agreement
1. Three years from time of signing of this agreement, the custody recommendations shall be reviewed and modified as needed.
2. It is understood that any parts that we cannot agree upon will follow the Conflict Resolution definitions of this agreement.
Thank you so much for all of your help!!!~~~~~~
General Philosophy
We care about the well-being of our children. We shall put our children's needs first in all aspects of their life, growth and development. We realize we both are very important to our children and they need each of us as an active parent throughout their lives. We will give our children permission to love, and be proud of, the other parent. We expect each child is an individual and may have different needs and that their needs will change as they grow older.
As the developmental and life needs will change drastically over the next few years, it is understood that this agreement is geared specifically to the baby/toddler years and will need to be regularly modified as the children grow.
We agree to raise our children in a respectful and gentle manner. This includes:
No physical punishments! Re-direction is to be used until child has reached a developmental stage to understand natural consequences.
If a time-out is deemed necessary, only to be used once child is old enough to understand this type of consequence, time out is only one minute per year age of child. Example, a two year old would have a two minute time-out.
All consequences should be delivered in love, and talked about with child to ensure they understand what was done wrong and that you still love them unconditionally.
We agree not use the Crying It Out method. The child should never be left alone to cry.
Legal & Physical Custody and Major Decision Making
Legal Custody
We will have joint legal custody. Meaning all major decisions in regards to education, medical and religion will be decided together. If an agreement cannot be reached, it is agreed to seek out a mediator. Costs for mediation will be split 50/50.
Physical Custody
We will have shared physical custody, with JSMa, mother, retaining the primary residence at ~address~, as the custodial parent. STBX, father, will have reasonable visitation (detailed under parenting schedule), taking the child's best interest into consideration, as the non-custodial parent.
Medical Care
Both of us agree to consult with one another concerning medical and dental insurance. We will determine which has the best plan and, if in agreement, obtain that plan. We agree to share the cost of that plan for the children in a 50/50 split.(note, this part may change when we go to domestics) We further agree to divide and pay any uncovered costs on a 50/50 basis. Explanation of Benefits and invoices will be tracked, and amounts will be discussed quarterly to set up 50% payment reimbursement to the parent that paid for treatment.
It is agreed that JSMa will set up appointments and inform STBX of the dates and times. Either parent, or both will accompany child to appointment, as schedules allow. This will be discussed when JSMa informs STBX of appointment time.
Emergencies
Each parent is required to notify the other parent immediately of any medical emergency. The parent present is authorized to sign legal consents for both parents to permit emergency intervention.
Information
On any emergency information sheet, each parent will list the other as the first person to contact if he or she is not reachable.
Parenting/Visitation Schedule
Visitation Schedule for DD
DD will spend every other weekend with STBX (on same weekends as her older sister). STBX will pick up DD from her daycare at approximately 3:30 pm Friday afternoon, until 10:00 am Sunday morning.
STBX is also welcome to visit with DD during the week, Monday through Thursday, between the hours of 4:00 pm to 7:00 pm, when his schedule allows. He is to give JSMa at least 24 hour notice if he plans to visit during this time, so she can ensure her and DD do not have conflicting plans and are home. If plans conflict, STBX will have to request a new time to visit.
Visitation Schedule for DS
DS will be primarily in JSMa's care for at least the first 6 months from birth. No overnights are to take place until DS is eating solid foods in addition to breast milk, and also sleeping through the night (waking no more than once per night).
STBX is encouraged to visit DS daily between the hours of 3:00 pm and 7:00 pm Monday through Friday, at primary residence, and may visit as much as he likes on Saturday and Sunday. All visits should be given at least a 24 hour notice. If plans conflict with the requested visit, STBX is to request a different time to visit. It is understood that the baby may be napping and/or breastfeeding during the visit hours, but JSMa will accommodate for as much bonding time to happen with STBX during the visits.
Once DS is on solid foods and sleeping through the night, approximately 6 months of age, we will progressively work towards overnight visits. This will start with STBX taking DS for 4-6 hour spans on every other Saturday (on weekends he has older daughter for visits) for at least two months time.
If DS is doing well, it can progress to 6-8 hours on every other Saturday for at least two months time.
If DS is doing well, it can progress to 8-12 hours on every other Saturday for at least two months time.
If DS is doing well, it can progress to DS going from 10:00 am Saturday morning until 10:00 am Sunday morning for one overnight, every other weekend, for at least two months time.
If DS is doing well, it can progress to same schedule as his sister at this time.
It is understood that if at anytime it is apparent that DS is not adjusting well, example, excessive screaming/crying fits, showing anxiety, etc, JSMa is to be called and the visit is to be cut short. If DS is showing signs that he/she is not quite ready for a longer visit, another month will be added onto whichever hour/overnight visitation stage he is at.
It is understood that this visitation schedule for DS takes precedence over any of the holiday schedules listed.
Holiday Schedules
Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day
We agree to consult one another about any family plans we may have for any of these holidays. The consultation should take place at least two weeks prior to the date, to ensure time for planning and any resolutions that need to be made. Whoever has a family commitment/picnic/vacation will get precedence for the holiday time. If both parents have commitments, when at all possible, if the times of the events allow the child to attend both events, the parents should strive to make this happen, to ensure family bonds for the child. If times/event do not allow the child to attend both, the parent that did not get the last non/religious/familial holiday will have precedence for holiday time.
If the holiday time creates one parent having three weekend visits in a row, it is understood that the following weekend after the holiday (the would be third weekend) will be adjusted to the other parents time.
Halloween – Trick-or-Treat
Trick-or-Treating will not start until child is two years of age, minimum. At this time we will switch every other year for who will take the children trick-or-treating. The parent whose year it is can determine location. The other parent is always welcome and encouraged to go with.
Easter/ Thanksgiving/Christmas
It has been decided that Easter/Thanksgiving/Christmas will be held at the primary residence until the younger child is two years of age. STBX is welcome and encouraged to come share the holiday festivities with his children. After youngest child is two years of age, these holidays will be shared every other year, as per the following times:
Easter
6:00 pm the evening before until 6:00 pm Easter day
Christmas
6:00 Christmas Eve until 6:00 Christmas Day
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving Day 10:00 am until 6:00 pm
Family Obligations
JSMa's family has two major family events a year that should be accommodated for the children to attend to ensure family bonds. Every Saturday of Father’s Day weekend is her maternal family reunion. This does not interfere with Father’s Day itself, and will be JSMa's day with the children so they can attend their family reunion.
In December, JSMa's family also hosts a family Christmas party on one of the Saturdays in the month. It should be accommodated for JSMa to have the children on this Saturday for the children to attend to ensure family bonds.
Father’s Day/Mother’s Day/Parents Birthday
Each parent will get the children on their respective holiday day from 9:00 am to 6:00 pm.
Each parent will choose a weekend day either one weekend before or after their birthday that they wish to celebrate their birthday, it if does not fall on a weekend day, and accommodations will be made to ensure the parent will get the children for that weekend day from 9:00 am to 6:00 pm, if it is not during their normal visit schedule.
Additional Visitation Schedule Agreements
Although our children need living arrangements that are predictable, if something unexpected or unavoidable comes up, we shall give each other as much notice as possible. If we are unable to agree on a change to the schedule, the visitation schedule shall be followed. If this results in the need for child care, the scheduled parent shall make the child care arrangements and pay the cost.
We recognize that decision making is an important part of parenting. We agree that the parent our children are with (the “on-duty” parent) will make decisions about their day-to-day care.
If STBX is late picking children up from daycare on scheduled pick-ups on every other Friday, he is responsible for all charges past normal time.
If child cannot go to daycare due to sickness, each parent takes turns to miss work.
We shall arrive on time (no more than 20 minutes early or late) to drop off and pick up of our children.
Our children's clothing, and special belongings will travel with them and parents should make sure all items are returned with child at pick-ups.
Out of Town Travel
If parent is planning on going overnight out of town anywhere with the children, the other parent should be notified. The parent with the children in their care should be able to be reached by phone in case of any emergencies at all times, and should provide alternate numbers if there is no cell phone service.
Parental Cooperation
Children need both of their parents' love and support.
We agree to leave our children out of adult discussions about our parenting plan and all other aspects of our separation/divorce/break-up.
We will not discuss the other parent in a negative way in the presence of or within the hearing range of our children and will not allow others to do so. We will advise others about the importance of not speaking negatively about either parent around our children.
Direct Communications. We will discuss our concerns directly with the other parent without our children present.
Expectations and Routines. We agree to support consistent expectations and routines for our children, which include shared expectations regarding bed-time, television, and discipline.
We agree on the following expectations:
- Bed time shall be no later than 8:30 pm
- No television until over two years of age (note, this does not mean the TV cannot be on around them, simply that the child should never be put in front of the TV specifically for them to watch it at this age).
- Television time should be limited to no more than two hours a day over the age of two, unless for special circumstances, such as a sleepover movie-thon, or the child is feeling sick and needs to lay down and rest.
- Discipline: There is to be NO physical punishments of any kind. All guidance should be given with love and respect for the child, with explanations as to why something they did wasn’t a good thing to do. Example: “No biting. Biting hurts people. If you need to bite, please chew on this washcloth.”
Communication
All communications about the children shall be written in a communication book, which shall pass with the children as they pass between households. In it are to be noted important events/milestones of the previous week, the child's health and need for current medication, and upcoming appointments that may effect the children's scheduling. Requests for adjustments in parenting times may also be entered. While each parent is encouraged to respond to all requests within 48 hours, silence in regard to a request shall be considered a "yes". The book may not be used to criticize either parent's behavior.
Right of First Refusal
If either parent will not be available to be present for more than two hours of their parenting time, that time should be offered to the other parent before any other care options are sought out.
Safety
STBX agrees to enroll in a parenting class, as recommended by his counselor, to help guide him in healthy and gentle parenting choices.
STBX agrees to stay in counseling that is geared to anger management.
We shall not use, nor allow anyone else to use, physical discipline with our children, ever!
Neither parent shall allow our children to be in the presence of smoking of any kind.
Our children are to never be around XX, the paternal step grandfather, without themselves being present with him.
We agree to not leave our children in the sole care of any significant others, until the relationship has reached at least six months, and the other parent has been given the option to meet with the new partner and feel out their parenting philosophy. We are to respect each others need to feel safe and trusting with who our children are left in the care of.
Conflict Resolution
1. Should any disputes arise between us or the children in the areas of education, health care, childcare, religious training, operation of a motor vehicle, extra-curricular activities, vacations, or other significant issues, we agree that it is in the best interests of the children and ourselves to resolve any disputes. All such decisions must be made jointly or arbitrated. They may not be made unilaterally by either parent. Should either of us wish to modify this agreement, we agree to:
2. Meet and confer with one another, each to present to the other a proposed solution to the dispute. If there is no resolution at this step, we will then:
3. Meet and confer with an expert in the field related to the dispute, e.g., doctor, teacher, counselor, etc. If there is no resolution at this step, we will then:
4. Meet and confer with a mediator/counselor who has had experience in dispute resolution. All concerned shall use their best efforts to resolve the issues. Should there be no resolution at this step, we will then:
5. Submit the matter to a Special Master for mediation/arbitration prior to returning to court. If there is no resolution at this step, we will then:
6. Only in the event that we still cannot agree will we submit the matter to a Court of competent jurisdiction. We understand that this is an extraordinary step and will be resorted to only when there is no other way to resolve the problem.
7. This section shall apply to all parts of this agreement.
8. Until there is resolution of any dispute that may arise concerning this agreement, the operative terms of this agreement shall remain in full force and effect.
9. Any related costs to having to seek third party resolution help shall be shared 50/50.
Review of Agreement
1. Three years from time of signing of this agreement, the custody recommendations shall be reviewed and modified as needed.
2. It is understood that any parts that we cannot agree upon will follow the Conflict Resolution definitions of this agreement.
While I know it's not enforceable... I guess I'm hoping if it's in writing to remind him... perhaps he'll at least give it some thought.
Not that your family doesn't deserve to see dd- they certainly do!! But if Fathers Day weekend is important to him then I do think he has priority over your family. What if he decides he wants to take dd on a fishing trip (or whatever he/they enjoy) for the weekend? Why shouldn't he be able to take his daughter for fathers day weekend for a special trip?
I would be very upset if I couldn't spend Mother's day with my kids, Hallmark holiday or not. Maybe I'm being shallow, but it's true 
Having said that - only the Sunday itself. If Father's/Mother's day falls on the other person's weekend, we only get that day, not the whole weekend.
