Leaving park tantrums

[Ashley_R]

My dd is 2.5yo, she loves to go to the park and play on the playground toys. While we're there she listens well and follows safety directions, but when we go to leave she throws a fit and sometimes cries the whole way home. I've tried telling her that if thats how she's going to react then we won't go at all, but I think she's too young to understand that. Any suggestions?

[TanyaS]

Have you tried 5 minute warnings before it is time to leave? I've never known a toddler or preschooler that actually wanted to leave the park. The tantrum is the only way she knows how to express this. Acknowledge her feelings..."You really love the park, don't you?" or "You don't want to leave the park." or "Mom loves the park, too. We will come back again very soon. Let's go home and get a big, cold drink."

Many times they just want someone to understand their feelings.

[Wild Lupine]

Different things work for different kids, but what worked for mine at that age was to make leaving a game (after the five minute warning and the validation that she didn't want to leave). I'd ask DD if she wanted to be a bird, helicopter, or airplane, then 'fly' her back to the car in the chosen fashion. Singing the Wiggles 'Fly Through the Sky' while doing so helped, too.

[poppan]

I do the we're leaving in a few minutes warning--do you want to slide one last time, etc.--then I usually offer a treat/reward for sitting down in the car or stroller to go home.

[ssh]

I always keep a snack in the car for after the park, especially a chilled drink. The leaving the park tantrums usually stopped as soon as I handed my DD her snack while I was hooking the carseat.

[crowcaw]

Originally Posted by ssh

I always keep a snack in the car for after the park, especially a chilled drink. The leaving the park tantrums usually stopped as soon as I handed my DD her snack while I was hooking the carseat.

I was even more obvious at that age. Rather than keeping a snack in the car/stroller I had something in a container that I would hand dds (twins) and tell them we could open it in the car/stroller. Not really bribery, just snack time after playtime.

And for one of my dds, the 5 minute warning was a big backfire. If I announced we would be leaving in x minutes, that's when trouble started. Just packing up, handing snack, and leaving worked much better with her.

[alfabetsoup]

Nothing gets my 2 out of the playground faster than the promise of snacks in the stroller.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by Ashley_R

My dd is 2.5yo, she loves to go to the park and play on the playground toys. While we're there she listens well and follows safety directions, but when we go to leave she throws a fit and sometimes cries the whole way home. I've tried telling her that if thats how she's going to react then we won't go at all, but I think she's too young to understand that. Any suggestions?

Mine is 5 yo, and we still get tantrums (though much more expressive these days) when leaving anywhere fun.

We tried snacks, we tried bribery, we tried warning (3 or four counting down from 30 to 20 to 10 to 5 minutes). This kid (and in fairness his dad is the same way at the age of 38!) never wants to leave the party. He will do anything to prolong the fun. I have even seen him block the door of the house when we host play dates to try and physically stop people from leaving...I have also seen DH do this to his friends, though never in front of ds. It's spooky to see this trait so mirrored in them both.

For me I have just accepted that the tantrums will happen, and I have to do my best to diffuse it, and allow him to feel it.

The first thing I do is scoop him up and take him away from the scene (now he is very big and I get DH to do it.

Then I get down to his level and if he lets me I hold him close and hug him and say "I know this makes you really sad. I know you don't like to leave. I am sorry it is time to leave already and that you are still having fun."

If I have time (and now I try to build the time into the leaving process) I say "Do you want to sit here (in the car, on the stairs outside, etc) until you are feeling better?"

Then when he is calm I might offer him a snack if it time for a snack, but I try not to when he is mid tantrum because I found it was reinforcing his tantrums, like a lightbulb went off that if he screamed and kicked he would get a baggie of goldfish crackers, or bunny grahams. I have found it useful now to wait until he has calmed down to offer him a snack. I have never found he was interested in a snack as a diversion from a party or a playground. I think if he was surrounded by friends and toys he could forego eating for 12 hours without a thought...again much like his dad that way.

Anyway, then we get in the car and we talk about his feelings. We sing the feelings song together and make up silly words...like "If your angry and you know it shout "I'm MAAAAAAAAD!" and he shouts and shouts and stomps his feet on his car seat and pounds his fist or claps in an angry way, so he has a healthy way to vent his feelings, and express himself.

I also always make sure to praise the dickens out of him whenever he leaves a place without a tantrum, or even if he makes his tantrum really short. Especially if he remembers to say goodbye to his friends with a hug and kiss(because usually he refuses to say goodbye thinking somehow that will postpone/cancel the leaving.) and tell him all the way home how proud I am of him for being so grown up.

It has been a long road. It is part of his personality in many ways and something I love about him, but also something exasperating when I lose track of time or when we are meeting someone and well, it's TIME.

But he IS getting better and SO AM I at handling it.

Originally Posted by TanyaS

Many times they just want someone to understand their feelings.

[flower01]

This is one of the most challenging things about my daughter. Until recently, she cried when we left ANYWHERE remotely fun. We've tried every suggestion there is and basically what i've come to realize is that it's just her personality and the older and more able we are to reason with her the better it gets.

[dianakaye]

The two things that work for me are:

1) Lots of warnings. I start at 10 minutes and say we're going home in 10 minutes. Then 5 and 4 and 3 and 2 and 1. Each time I say something different like "We need to go home to eat".

2) When it's really time to go we say goodbye to EVERYTHING. Goodbye sandbox, goodbye slide, etc. I tell him we'll come to the park tomorrow.

Mine's still pretty young (20 mo) but I explain why we're leaving, when we'll be back, talk about what a great time we had. The only time we've had issues is when we have to leave abruptly.