Running out of time, need some support

[sharr610]

I'm 40+4 today. Ok, so honestly, no big deal, right? Except, I'm a VBAC and my midwife, that I chose knowingly, has a deadline on my homebirth of 40+10.
I have 6 days left to have this baby at home.
I have spent the past 9 months reading and researching. I've spent close to $1000 at least on chiro and accupuncture that I've done since 20 weeks, and thousands of hours on preparation for a birth that is night and day to what my son's was. I'm power walking all the time, having orgasims, taking every herb and supplement put in front of me, eating great, squatting, positioning, you name it...all to have the homebirth we wanted the first go round.

I'm -1, 50% effaced and my midwife stretched me to a 1 yesterday. Even with DS, I was 80% effaced and 3cm at this point.

I'm losing hope. And I'm pissed. While it hasn't been without benefits(I've grown a normal sized baby, kept GD at bay, feel great, baby is in a perfect position...), I feel like I need more than 6 days to get this perfectly healthy and normal babe out at home. I HATE having a deadline. I hate that I'm doing everything I can, but knowing that if she's not ready to come out, she's simply not ready, and I will have to go with an OB from here, as thats what I agreed to and DH is dead set against doing this unassisted(there are no other midwife options at this point...).

DH is trying to maintain the faith, but I could tell that my midwife was disappointed when she checked yesterday. I feel like she is losing hope as well(DH thinks I'm projecting all of that, and honestly, I'm so crazy right now, who knows, maybe I am...).

My body is cramping, but it has been for weeks. Nothing changes, and its obviously not dialating me a ton or anything. Sorry to be such a bummer, but I guess I'm reaching out for some magical words of wisdom, thoughts, prayers, whatever you have to offer. I know no matter what I will soon have a beautiful babe and I'm so excited to meet her. But I've invested SO much into making this the birth I wanted this time, its just a bummer to think it might not happen.

Thanks,

the super crazy pregnant lady...

[is it puppies?]

I know you know this- but you can go into labour without being dilated etc! I hadn't even really dropped when I had my baby and she was my first! I didn't have any checks but I suspect my body didn't do much till it was time. It's going to happen for you, you've done everything you can, now just RELAX and have a lot spicy food, walk a bunch and have a ton of sex!

[pacificbliss]

Hugs mama. Try not to think about it. Easy to say, I know. 6 days is a lot of time. Try to enjoy your last few days of pregnancy. I had cramps and odd ctx for weeks with no real labor then my water broke unexpectedly and my baby girl was in my arms less than 24 hrs later. Also a VBAC.
Sending you labor vibes....

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

i don't know anything about VBAC or cervical checks before labour, but it sounds as though all the checks are doing is stressing so you more why not just stick to the orgasms and curry.

sending lots of good labour vibes your way

[Lisalee2]

DDCC Sending some labor dust your way.

[slsurface]

Sending your way. I'm also facing a countdown - but I'm crazy overdue...hang in there!

[sunflower.mama]

To give you hope - at 40+3 I was 1, and at 40+4 I dialated from 4 to 9 on the 5 min drive from the midwife's office to the hospital - and that was after a week of prodromal labor. A slow start does not mandate a slow labor!!!! (And although I haven't posted about it, I had a very fast birth too!) You still have plenty of time. Odds get better every single day that you will go into labor.

[Momma Moo Martin]

DDCC - I'm sorry you're so stressed, mama! Like a pp said, try to relax although it's obviously hard to do that. Before my labor with DD, I sat down and had a serious conversation with her in utero. I told her that we were an awesome team and that we were going to do this together and everything would be okay. I told her I was ready when she was and excited to meet her. Also, lots of affirmations like "My body knows how to birth and I am going to let it" and "I trust my baby to come into the world when it is time." Hey, can't hurt to try these, right? to you and yours. I think you're gonna be okay!!!

[sharr610]

. Thanks mamas!!! Your support really helps. And I do know that things can change in an instant. I know this is my second and with DS, even before the c/s I dialated all the way to 9, so once I start dialating with this one, things should go fast...

All I can do is work my arse off(daily accupuncture and chiro, mega walks, spicy food, getting busy ), talk to my babe and try to convince my midwife to give me more time if I need it . Or my DH to UC with me .

I KNOW my body can do this. I KNOW she will come when its her time. I just have this feeling that her time is more like 42+2 as opposed to 41+3. But I'll just cross that bridge when I get there...

Ok, off to another day of Project Eject Baby Girl. Thanks for your support!!

[carliec76]

The fact that your midwife is fearful of 42 weeks is sad. It is normal and within average to go that long. I had a 40 week 7lbs 8 oz a 42 weeker at 8lbs 5 oz and a 41 weeker at 7lbs 4oz. Gestational age has nothing to do with size. I suggest calling other midwives. Length of pregnancy ranges from 37-44 weeks.
Get a belly massage and tell your midwife her lack of confidence is disheartening.

[sharr610]

Originally Posted by carliec76

The fact that your midwife is fearful of 42 weeks is sad. It is normal and within average to go that long. I had a 40 week 7lbs 8 oz a 42 weeker at 8lbs 5 oz and a 41 weeker at 7lbs 4oz. Gestational age has nothing to do with size. I suggest calling other midwives. Length of pregnancy ranges from 37-44 weeks.
Get a belly massage and tell your midwife her lack of confidence is disheartening.

I am not blaming my midwife one bit for her dates. She was super honest about it, didn't blame me if I wanted to take my business elsewhere, and I made this choice knowingly. Its a long story that I won't go into here that has to do with some recent birth traumas she's seen and my previous birth with DS. Bottom line is that I chose between her and another midwife that has no qualms about me going over, but who didn't provide the same level of support I wanted. I made this bed which is part of what pisses me off, but it was one of those super tough calls that just had to be made.

I went to 43 weeks with the same midwife last time, she was willing to go to 44 with me. Once I got to 42, though, PERSONALLY, I knew something was off. And in fact, it was. Everything turned out fine in the end, but I don't want to go there again. I just want another week . This babe is super healthy and just as I knew that past 42 with DS was not right, I know with this one, maybe another week is.

Who knows...I could be in labor right now, right .

[carliec76]

well spending time on all fours can sometimes get things lined up better....also you could try a membrane sweep.
Indian Curry and a castor oil belly massage not ingesting. I did each of those things with my 42 weeker because of the induction fears

On a thursday I got a sweep...little bleeding and cramping. Friday for dinner Indian Curry, 9 pm massaged my belly with castor oil 11pm first labor contractions, had my Daughter Sat at 5:15. Could have been coinicedence.
gave me lots of contractions and cleared me out.

With my 41 weeker I ate a lot of licorice in that week leading up and it.

Also and enema can help clear your bowels and allow the baby to drop further.

Good luck and at least you know it will be over soon...lol

[AustinMom]

As you know, and as other's have stated, you don't have to be dilated in order to guarantee a labor soon approaching. In saying that, STOP DOING PRENATAL VAGINAL EXAMS!!! They don't tell you anything, and the only time they should be done, is if there are serious issues with baby and your CP wants to find out your Bishop score before ordering an induction. Not your case AT ALL! So, in seeing that the fact that you have an exam, it's not what you are 'hoping', it's only causing you to stress and your MW to become more disheartening and less faithful and trusting in your body and baby. So, CUT THOSE OUT!

If the baby is in the best position possible, it will help to bring on real labor if you are having prodromal labor. This will help you dialte/efface, etc. So check out spinning babies, do some belly mapping, enjoy it, do a belly cast or something, draw the position on the cast of the position your baby is in, and believe that labor is just around the corner. Stress and vigorous activity yes, can bring on labor, but really if you are stressing, it can stop labor from coming to. Just trust you baby and body that they are working together and going to work.

Is it not an option to call the other MW and switch to her care if your MW cuts you out?
Is there a chance your EDD is in accurate? If it's based on u/s those can still be off a week or so, so maybe ask your MW about extending the 'deadline' to cover this grace period?

Much Love to you!

[Mhorai]

Sounds like a rough situation. I recently had to have a hospital birth instead of the homebirth I had planned because my daughter was possible IUGR and hadn't grown in at least 2 weeks- possibly more. I had a planned induction date but went into labor the day before. When my midwife checked me 2 days before the planned hospital induction I was not dialated or effaced. She used a foley catheter to help dilate my cervix and it was great...I was able to go home and play with my son all the while knowing that my body was hopefully getting more receptive to either spontaneous labor or induction. The foley fell out in 10 hours and I went into labor 5 hours later. I still didn't get the home birth I had planned on, but I had a short and natural hospital waterbirth. Anyway, if you get closer to your due date and still aren't in labor, perhaps your midwife would consider using a foley catheter to help get things going.

[Kathryn]

I recruited my dh to do a few rounds of cervical massage on me the last 36ish hours I was pregnant. I had asked my midwife to strip my membranes, but my cervix was too posterior and she wasn't really able to. I told dh he had bigger hands and it was now his job. :
I really do think it helped and it was much nicer than having someone else messing around (and then giving numbers that would disappoint me and not mean anything anyway).