Struggling with what to do post babies

[mauri456]

Right now I work FT. I probably work too much...sometimes 50 + hours. I know I can't keep that up nor do I want to once the twins come. Im just not sure what would be better....

I know I need to return to work at least PT. We can't afford for me not to. I also am lucky enough to love what I do and so I would miss it if I were entirely out of it.

I have two options:

a) return part time. i could set up my schedule so we'd only need one day of childcare every other week. however, this would mean that my hubby would have the twins every saturday, so it would take away from family time. but id get to be home sunday through thursday and work friday/saturday. (i work 12 hr shifts-- that part workwise is nonnegotiable)

b) return full time. id work monday wed friday. it would mean staying in my role, so extra responsibility... a slight increase in pay but not much.
babies would need child care two days one week, three the next. (hubby is off every friday) this would also be 12 hr shifts.
benefit would be more money (but the extra cost of childcare would negate this, better career opportunity -- though long term, i know my heart is somewhere else) and more family time all together. negative would be kids in daycare more and increase child care cost.

so esp from twin mommas, what would you do?? im torn bc i dont know if it would be good for my hubby to work 5 days and then have the twins every saturday. but maybe that is silly. id just worry he'd feel really burnt out, ya know? i guess i could have him make the call...

[Red Pajama]

Certainly you'll need to talk to him to find out if he has strong opinions either way. In my thoughts, it would be very tiring to work full time and then have solo care of twinfants every saturday-- but plenty of people do just that.

My advice, colored by my own experience, is to plan to return part time after your maternity leave is up ( you might also look into family medical leave, which might be longer than traditional maternity leave) and then consider your feelings as you get closer to going back. Hopefully, there is some flexibility in your choice, and not a hard and fast decision that must be made now.

Good luck on your decicion.

[herdingkittens]

I second really talking with your husband and seeing what he is envisioning. The family time is important, bu you may be able to be more creative about it working part-time. I would hold off on making any decisions until the little ones arrive. It may become obvious to you what to do after you have been all together for a while.

Are these your first? When are you due?

I know not everyone has this experience, but when our first was born, I HAD to go back to work part time (it was summer time and my husband was to begin his first job as a school teacher in the fall, so we had NO income or benefits without my job). I loved my job, but going there after she was born was hard. I was consumed with her and missed her terribly. Keeping up pumping was no fun, either. Right as my husband got his job offer, I got a promotion that would have me making twice as much as him in this new teaching job in a very rural area. I thought about it for a moment , but knew in my heart that I wanted to be with her. We ended up living VERY simply on that tiny income, the 3 of us. But it was the way to go for us.

Ok, so I didn't share that to make you feel like you need to do what we did, but there may be another solution that you may not see right now. You know?

I'll be praying for you and your family!

[mauri456]

Thanks for the posts. I did talk to him and he said he was okay with either option. He said that me going PT sounded like our lives would be easier and that he would have no problem having them on Saturdays.

I am lucky that he is a very hands on hubby and sometimes is more the momma than I am.

To answer your questions, this is actually my second pregnancy. I have an almost three year old. I did go back FT after having her. It was hard and pumping was even harder but I did make it with her and we were able to nurse for 18 months. I am very proud of that bc we never did need to supplement. I know alot of moms on here nurse a lot longer..... and I know for alot that was probably too young, but she was ready to wean. She did it on her own.

I really felt strongly that the only way I could justify going back was to know that the childcare situation would offer her opportunities that even I couldnt.

She went to a Reggio Emilio center that was amazing... very pro BF, very AP. (she is still there) Sadly there is no way I can afford for all three to attend. They do not do anything but FT spots.

I know I have to bring in a certain amount of $$ just to cover bills. We have a lot of SL debt from getting degrees (which I don't regret) but it does tie you to needing to work to a point. I could make it work being PT.

I guess Im just wanting a plan, bc with my daughter, it was so clear what we were doing. It seems so different this time bc twins are so different and Im looking for control.

I do know that if they make an early apperance (hopefully not!!!) I will make my schedule so they dont need childcare. I wouldnt want them exposed to germs, etc.

It worries me not having too much family time together though if I go PT bc I know twins are stressful and don't want my husband and I to get resentful of eachtoher in the process. I think sometimes that can happen... I dont know.

I guess everyone is right to just see how things go... I am laid back about alot of thngs, but for long term things, I LIKE A PLAN. Sorry for the caps... I guess I am just venting in general..

Thank you everyone for listening and your suggestions

[mauri456]

PS I am due in October...

[kjoy2]

Congrats on your pregnancy! I think considering all that you've already mentioned, your plan to work PT sounds like a good fit for you and your family. Hopefully you'll have several months off before heading back to work to establish a good milk supply & have some time to bond with the babies and recover from birth and the first grueling 6 weeks.
As far as your DH caring for the babies alone on a Saturday, um, that's part of being a parent, right? I mean, you'll be doing the same thing M-R, yes? So, yeah, let's empower those men in our lives to be nurturing parents & assume responsibility, as well.
Twins are one heck of a ride. You and your DH will make it. Once it feels like the right time, you could always schedule a standing date night for just the two of you during the week. That's been our key to marital happiness (or at least intactness!) here.

[MamaChicken]

For the sake of nursing, I would go back part time until they are 6 mo and then re-evaluate. I promise you can make it through whatever you choose. Here is where I ended up:
-back to work pt when babes were 5.5 weeks and DD was 18 months
-DH works a 12 hour shifts similar to yours so I worked weekdays when he was off.
-at 4 months I went back fulltime. We found that a nanny was much cheaper than a good daycare and a lifesaver for me.
-at 6 months DH went back to school school fulltime while working fulltime so he is rarely her except at bedtime - we are almost done! Yay!

So like your DH I work fulltime all week and have all the kids all weekend. It is challenging but very doable! I am still sane, mostly

[mauri456]

Well, I just wanted to post that I appreciate all of your responses. Still havent totally decided one way or the other. Both ways have their pluses and minuses and Ive decided to not decide until maternity leave.

I feel like I'll know what the right answer is then. Or at least what we need to do. I do my husband is totally supportive no matter what I do. He's awesome and does so much of the parenting already with our daughter... I just wanted to throw that out there bc I realized when I said he'd have 5 days of work and then the babies one day alone it sounded like maybe he didnt pull his weight... and he definately does. I just think sometimes it is more manageable when you are doing it together.... don't know if that makes any sense...

As far as nursing goes.... I know I was able to pump plenty with my daughter even while working FT. I only nursed when we were together and pumped at least three extra times when I was home with her. That is my plan again with the twins to build up a good supply. And I may let that kind of weigh in on how we proceed workwise.

If I stay in my current position but cut back to three days a week (still FT hrs though), it will actually be more flexible to pump bc my role will be easier to break away to do it. (one of the days is all office time and the other days is as a supervisor so i can just walk away a littel bit vs always being in patient care).

Anyhow, thanks for reading/listening. Im so excited to have these babies but also feel like my life is being totally reinvented. (but in a good way!!)

[lindsay t]

we are in very similar spots, mauri! i am 25wk and have just figured out what we are gonna do. i also work 12 hr night shifts (non negotiable as well) at the hospital and have been doing 4 shifts a week to pay off debt (i plan on cutting back to 2 shifts a week by 32wk assuming everything keeps going well) . i wanted to avoid daycare for these lil runts so i am going to work 2 nights a week after they are here. one on the weekend so i will still have time when dh is off for some family time and one during the week (yes, i will be sleep deprived staying up after a nightshift with the twins but i did it with my son and it wasn't the end of the world).
right now i am all about increasing family time too since i have been working 50+hr weeks for years now. is there any chance you can work one weekend day and one weekday? tough decisions, i know! but coming from someone who has worked every weekend since i went back after having my son, it really really sucks not having that valuable family time. we pretty much pass each other when coming and going. the idea of having family time on the weekends regularly has me so jazzed! good luck on whatever you choose

[Gena 22]

FWIW - I went back "part time" four days a week when my twins were 10 weeks old. It worked really well for us, and I'm now back full time. Started full again at just over 2 years old. DH takes the girls on Fridays, and sometimes he works nights or Saturdays. Works well for us.

It is great to have such a hands on and supportive husband!

GL with your choice.