Best Nursing Shifts for Parents

[bronxmom]

My partner is a nurse in a pediatric ER. Currently he works the evening shift: 11am-11pm 3 days per week. He also (as part of this schedule) works every other weekend. I work from home as an activist/organizer so am also out at meetings a lot at night and on weekends. I have an 11 year old daughter who is in school each day and had spent T, W, Th at her dad's but that schedule will be shifting to T,F at her dad's. Our 18 month old son goes to daycare M-W; on Thurs my partner always has off and spends with him while I work; on Fri I mostly take the day off to spend with my son.

So here's our dilemma/my question. We thought this shift would be perfect because he has 4 days off and we're night owls and my partner gets to sleep in and not have to get up insanely early like he would for a 7am-7pm shift. However, it's becoming problematic in a number of ways. I hate feeling like a single parent so much of the time - in particular at bedtime doing it all for both kids by myself. Even though my partner technically has 4 days off each week, one is for school and one is for meetings (he's part of the same organization I work for). There can be times (like if he works 3 days in a row) that he goes days without seeing the baby which sucks for him, the baby and for me.

So, there are a couple of options. He could apply for a day shift when it becomes available, which it looks like it will. This would still be 3 days/week and working every other weekend. Or he could take a job in the clinic and work 8-4 or 9-5 (not sure which) monday thru friday (ie.., a typical schedule). There's a lot that's appealing about a typical schedule but it's also great that we have time together when the kids are in school/daycare, which would not be possible if he worked a regular schedule. More importantly, he currently loves working in the ER and thrives on the stimulation of it. The clinic is way more rote work and not as professionally interesting or demanding. Given that I get paid (not a lot but still) to do what I absolutely love, I would not want to ask my partner to sacrifice work fulfillment.

So basically, I guess I'd like to hear first-hand experiences about nurses who have worked different shifts and what worked and didn't. Right now, day shift or the M-F schedule sound like the solution to all our issues but I'm worried I might just be in a "grass is greener" mode. Hearing people's experiences and advice would be wonderful.

[mks1014]

I just posted something kind of similar! I was up all night stressing about going back to RN school and what my schedule would be like. I am looking forward to seeing responses to your post as well. I wish you the best!

[geekgolightly]

Working 3-12's takes alot out of me, which is part of the reason I moved to 2-12's or better yet 3-8's a week. In the northeast, there are many hospitals that schedule 4's 8's or 12's depending upon the needs and your preferences.

If you do the 3-12's in a row, you really only need one day to catch up, and then you have the other three where you can be a contributing member of the family, but you are sacrificing the entire 3 days while working. You get up around 5:30 (or earlier) in order to make it in by 6:30 (because your shift doesn't start at 7, even though its supposed to. You have to get there early in order to get enough info on your patients). And you don't leave until all of your work is done. Depending on the unit, and what happened that day, you could be there up to 3 hours later. Many of my days have ended up as 15 hour days.

Now, I never stayed that late when I was working a regular floor, but staying late happens weekly in ICU.

So, really, you don't see your kids for three days in a row, then the 4th day you're exhausted and finally you get three days to be an active involved parent.

In nursing, like in most professions, you have to choose your trajectory wisely to balance work and home life.

I still get to have fun at work in ICU by working part time. Full time it was really hard on myself and my family, even though I was "only" working 3 days a week. There are nursing jobs where you can work full time and it doesn't exhaust you, but you trade excitement for what I, and bronxmom's parter would consider to be dull work, like clinical work.

[lorijds]

I feel like working as a nurse is difficult enough that I need to really *like* my job to do it. If your partner really enjoys the ER, it may not be the best idea to switch.

You say he has one day a week for school, and one day for meetings. Would he still do these things if his schedule changed?

I think part of the problem is that it's just hard for you right now, with kids your children's age, to have to parent sometimes without him. There will *always* be times like that, though. If he takes a 7a-7p job, in reality he'll leave the house at 6ish and get home at 8ish (depending on commute time, etc). So you'll still be responsible for getting them mostly ready for bed, unless you don't even start until after 8. And that's assuming that he wants to come straight home from work and dive into the family. I personally need a little decompression time; I'd be too irritable if I had to deal with putting tired kids to bed after a long day at a stressful job.

For the other, clinic job...those often have longer hours. When I worked at a doc's office, even though my days were supposed to be 8 hours, they were usually 10 to 12. I went in by 8, didn't often get a lunch, and often didn't leave until after 6, even though we technically stopped seeing patients at 4. Sometimes I didn't leave until 8pm or later, depending upon what was going on in the office. If I didn't have time to do phone calls and refills during the day, I had to do that after we finished seeing patients, then stock the rooms, order supplies, etc. Many clinics/doc offices now do weekend hours, too, so it very well might not be Mon-Fri job. Clinics often pay less, depends on the clinic. Specialty, private clinics like plastic surgeons pay pretty good. General internal med docs/family practice typically pays significantly less. Clinics affiliated with hospitals pay the same (and if you worked for that hospital in another position previously, you maintained your benefits and seniority, which is really nice).

Finally, think about the time factor. When I worked days for a few weeks to fill a need, I HATED getting up at 5am every day. I HATED IT. I woke up angry and resentful every day I had to work. I switched back to nights as soon as possible.

It has been a sacrifice in some ways for me to work nights. On the other hand, it's been great. We don't have childcare costs. I get home right after dh leaves for work. I take the kids to school, then go to bed. If someone gets sick during the day or has a doc appointment, I can *always* take care of it.

I worry that you do have a "grass is greener" mentality with this. Maybe your partner should talk to his coworkers who have worked different shifts, and see if similar issues resolved with a morning/day shift or clinic position, or if other problems just replaced them.

It's also kind of a bad economy to be switching jobs entirely. I like having my job security right now...

[mbtmom2000]

I work Baylor shift at my hospital. It is a traditional Baylor- 2 12's every weekend. I work Saturday and Sunday but there are some that work different days on my floor. I know it's every weekend but it works out great for our family. At my hospital, Baylor positions are considered full time for benefits,etc. While I work part time, I accrue benefits just like the full time associates. In addition, I get paid the base rate plus 50% and shift diffs per hour. So in essence, I work 2 days and get paid for 3(12 hour days). I know most people do not like giving up every weekend, but for us right now it works. DH has the children while I work and I have the children while he works. We have family-time during week after school and work. So we eliminate child care costs (which are a fortune where we live).

While on orientation, I worked traditional 12's during the week and it just did not work for us. I am also working on my MSN so during the week I am able to study. This way I am able to maintain my income and go to school. I am not advocating for weekend shift. I am just saying that your family has to find what works for them.

Personally as a nurse, if I was in a job that I loved, I would stay there. With the economy, options of fields in nursing are not what they used to be. I just graduated last August. In my area ,I was glad to get a job within 2 months of graduation.

Good luck to your family----
Dawn

[bronxmom]

Just to clarify: if he switched to days it would be in the same hospital/department. The clinic job is also still in the same hospital and def 9-5 m-f. He's going to do a couple overtime shifts this month in the clinic to get a sense of what it's like. I'm pretty sure that's not a good option for him. The ER is actually a great place; he likes it a lot and it's not as crazy busy as some, which is funny considering it's a large public hospital in the Bronx.

We've done the days a number of times b/c they've needed him to cover days and he's home by 7:30 (he's only a 15 min commute away by bike). It's been wonderful. However, the getting up at 6am is definitely the killer. That's what I'm most worried about - in particular having to be in bed early on a day off - esp if that's a Friday when he has to work a Sat/Sun.

I really appreciate all feedback. I do want to say that I think there's a difference between being with the kids by myself sometimes (like even all weekend) and going literally days with no help/input. That's what kills me most. And him - he gets really sad missing our son. Even those 2 hours - or 1 hour for our son - at night makes a huge difference.

[amnesiac]

I've worked 12 hour nights, 8 hour nights & 8 hour days. I cannot do the 12s with kids & I couldn't hold up to that anymore anyway. My preference is for 8 hour days.

[lorijds]

Do his work days have to be right in a row? Would it be possible for him to spread them out a bit? I don't like working three in a row, either, so I usually only do two in a row.