Dream job, baby -- can it all work?

[LittleBattleAxe]

This morning I was offered my "dream job." I'm a teacher so I would have summers/school holidays with the kids. I was so thrilled -- the admin said they had 178 applicants (though maybe 177 of them were unqualified, ha) and I went through a somewhat difficult interviewing process (four interviews and a teaching demonstration where I had to present a lesson to the department).

I can't legally sign the contract until they have my fingerprints on file. That should happen Monday.

Tonight, I learned I am pregnant! Excited about this, for sure, though it wasn't planned. Now I'm feeling super conflicted. I'm not sure, ethically, if I should tell the admin on Monday that I am pregnant in case they decide they would like to hire someone who isn't. My dh pointed out that I am not telling any family/friends for a while; why tell admin? My plan is to take my 12 wks unpaid leave, finish up the last few weeks of school, be home with baby all summer, of course, then go back to work. Like thousands of teachers do all the time, right?

I have been working from home or working halftime for a decade as I've been raising children. Part of me feels guilty about wanting to work; part of me feels like this baby should have a mommy at home fulltime just like the older kids had; but the loudest part of me, right now, thinks that I can have a happy, healthy, attached and nurturing relationship with this child while planning to return fulltime to the workforce.

Anyone have some perspective? I'm really conflicted right now.

[laurabfig]

I would say: GO FOR IT! Sounds like it is a great opportunity.
The book Getting to 50/50 helped me in regards to working and mothering and gave alot of support to me as a working mother. I work a school schedule too, and it is so ideal for balancing family and work.
I don't think you should feel obligated to tell them you are pregnant until you're past the 12-16 week stage. If you were the best person for the job, you still are- regardless of if you'll need some time off after having your baby. I started a job shortly after finding out I was pregnant with my son, and it all worked out- but I did have a very short maternity leave. It all worked out though- I feel my relationship with both of my kids has been positively affected by my working in many ways.
Keep us posted on what you decide to do!

[laurabfig]

Originally Posted by LittleBattleAxe

but the loudest part of me, right now, thinks that I can have a happy, healthy, attached and nurturing relationship with this child while planning to return fulltime to the workforce.

Basically, what I mean to say is: YES YOU CAN!

[meemee]

here is the advice my mother shared with me.

she said if i wanted to be a good mom - i should forget about my kid and TAKE care of myself FIRST.

she always said 'you come first and then your baby.'

i thought that was the daftest advice anyone can give anyone.

till i realised she was right.

so here is what i say.

how do you know what your child's personality is going to be like. yes maybe baby might need mommy. but many babies do well in dc or others taking good care of baby.

i was raised by a mom who wanted to go back to work but felt we children should have all her time. my bro and i begged her to go back to teaching. but by then she had lost her confidence.

she would have been a much better working mom than she was as a SAHM.

even at 8 i could tell my mom working would have made her a much happier person.

so maybe my advice is tainted by my mom.

just because you will be a wohm doesnt mean the quality of your relationship will suffer.

however if YOU feel you will not be able to give your work a 100% because you will be thinking of your baby at home, then of course dont go for the job.

but if you think you really, really need to go back to work - DO IT!!!!!

unfortunately the decision is YOURs yours alone. we can all say our words but you have to check with you inside how you feel about it.

the loudest part of you is saying DO IT!!!! and i agree!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

and let me say as a wOHM who took time off - i have never in these 7 years been able to find a job that financially matches my expertise - so forget about dream job.

[LittleBattleAxe]

Thanks Laurabfig! I appreciate the cheerleading

Meemeee, sounds like your mom was very wise, in sharing her advice with you. Thank you.

[Carita]

congrats on both accounts. don't tell until 12 weeks at least. what if (heaven forbid) the pregnancy failed, then what? my only concern is for your benefits as you may not be eligible for FMLA leave since you won't have worked there a year. is there an HR office that you can talk to in confidentiality?

sounds like if you get your leave, you'll still have a fair bit of time with the baby which is great.

[Sorin]

Originally Posted by LittleBattleAxe

but the loudest part of me, right now, thinks that I can have a happy, healthy, attached and nurturing relationship with this child while planning to return fulltime to the workforce.

Anyone have some perspective? I'm really conflicted right now.

Listen to this loudest part; it is telling you the right thing. I always tell people (my own students, mostly) to think long-term. Take this job, kick butt in it, have your baby, take the summer off, set up a good care situation in the fall, return to work, kick butt in it, take the summer off . . . rinse and repeat.

In the long run, not only will you have a satisfying career, but you will also have health benefits, retirement benefits, a great resume, AND a babe who is totally attached and crazy about you. Soon, that babe will be heading out the door with you as he/she goes to school, and the two of you will have a good time "comparing school notes" in the afternoon!

Congrats on the job, btw! If you begin to doubt that you should take it, remember that you beat out 177 other applicants for it! That should be quite an ego-boost! You deserve it!

[LittleBattleAxe]

Carita, Right -- I probably won't be eligible for FMLA and that's an issue. I need to poke around a little and see if I am eligible for any benefits at all.

Sorin, But also RIGHT -- that there are any number of things that could happen and no guarantee the pregnancy will stick -- so I am going to wait to say anything. Didn't say this in my original post but I have been raising children and working parttime or halftime for ELEVEN years -- during this time I did some coursework and got a nice endorsement on my teaching cert -- always with an eye to returning, 'someday.' Someday seems to be here!

[boatrat]

You won't be eligible for FMLA, but if you were their top pick out of that many applicants, they will surely be willing to work with you and provide you with unpaid leave. That is going to be much easier than firing you and performing another search.

I definitely agree that you should not mention that you are pregnant at this point. Share it with them once you reach the 12 or 15 week mark. This is part of life, they will surely understand.

[hakeber]

Having a substitute teacher come in to cover your leave won't be nearly as difficult if it was another kind of job, and I am sure there will be plenty of teachers willing to take the extra hours.

I had almost EXACTLY the same thing happen to me, only I was already substitute teaching at the school when they offered me the full time contract.

I stupidly did tell them (because the head had become a good friend and I felt horrible not telling her) two days before it was official, and the board decided not to offer me the contract afterall. I was an idiot. Luckily my husband who is also a teacher and who had also become quite close with the head offered himself up to be my substitute and it all worked out and they offered me the fulltime contract upon my return. But if I could do it all over again I would have held my tongue until I 15 weeks along. That's a perfectly reasonable period of notice.

I LOVE being a teacher mom. All the long holidays really make it the incredibly hard work well worth it. Plus you'll probably have a really nice lounge area where you can pump and will certainly have a fridge to store your milk in.

Teaching is my dream job, too...it's my calling.

Congratulations! You are going to love it.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by LittleBattleAxe

but the loudest part of me, right now, thinks that I can have a happy, healthy, attached and nurturing relationship with this child while planning to return fulltime to the workforce.

Anyone have some perspective? I'm really conflicted right now.

Ever notice how no one questions that a Dad who works can have a happy, healthy, nurturing attached relationship with his child?

I'm the youngest in my family. My mom was over 40 when she had me and had returned to work a few years earlier when her next youngest was 5. I have a great relationship with my mom and I'm glad she didn't put her career on-hold any longer when she was pregnant with me. She worked it out and it was great.

[porcelina]

Just another note of encouragement. I found out I was pregnant around the same time I found out I got into graduate school, 3 years ago. Despite some naysayers, it has worked out incredibly smoothly!! I have been able to give sufficient time to school work, and have been there for my child much more than I would have if I were to have been at a traditional 40 per week job. If this is your dream job, go for it! Especially since you are an experienced mom and you know this is what you want for you and your family!

There may be an advantage to telling about the pregnancy as part of your job negotiations -- you can negotiate maternity leave as part of your hiring package (albeit, unpaid I imagine). It is illegal for them to not hire you because you are pregnant. That said, you are in no way obligated to tell them if you'd rather wait 12-15 weeks and work out some sort of arrangement then. I just think you might have more bargaining power if it's part of your overall job package.

[LittleBattleAxe]

thanks everyone! I am taking the job (turning in my whopping 22 page contract today). So excited! When my oldest was born, I was teaching and I taught up until the Friday before Christmas break, and went into labor that evening. I know working helped me focus on not being miserable, which is something.

this is our 4th child so there are going to be a lot of expenses -- I need a bigger car (unless I can strap the carseat to the roof! -- kidding), and my dh would like a bigger house -- and in light of those sorts of things, which do seem reasonable, it makes sense for me to work.

It IS a unique situation that men never have to deal with, which stinks. I am sure that business would have much more family-friendly policies if MEN as well as women took leave when children became part of the family.

[cchrissyy]

I don't think you should feel obligated to tell them you are pregnant until you're past the 12-16 week stage. If you were the best person for the job, you still are- regardless of if you'll need some time off after having your baby.

YES!

so glad to hear you accepted