How would you have handled this?

[Hoopin' Mama]

I'm bad at dealing with other people's kids and generally avoid conflict. So, I'm curious, how would you have handled this?

We're at the pool where ds (5yo) is swimming with a friend. While it's a big pool, there is not a big area for the beginner swimmers, it gets deep really fast. A little girl (4 or 5 maybe) gets in and decides she wants an area of pool to herself. She spends considerable effort trying to cordon off a corner of the shallow area with swim noodles. Then she picks up every kick-board not in use (pool property), piles it up on the side of pool, stands in front them, then proceeds to YELL at anyone who comes anywhere near her noodles to stay away, and that all the kickboards are hers and no one can have any. When the boys came close to her, she swung the noodles at them trying to hit them. This went on for a for about 10 minutes. Ds really wanted a kickboard, also she was trying to block off a good portion of the available shallow area.She was like that with an older girl she seemed to know (sister maybe?) mean and yelling, so it wasn't that she thought boys were going to bother her.

Would you have:
1)Found her parent/grownup. There was not one in sight (2 lifeguards on duty) but I thought of asking her. If you choose this option, what would you say to grown-up?

2) Taken a kick board, explaining to her they are for everyone, also explaining this is a public pool and the kids may swim where they'd like.

3)Tell your ds to avoid her and go swim elsewhere, which basically left the area around the steps.

I told ds loud enough so she would hear that he may swim in that part of the pool, that it was a public space. I did not take a kick board, I was still considering finding her grownup, but it was time for us to leave anyway.

Ds friends' mom took a different strategy and told the kids since she can't play nicely they should play elsewhere. That seems reasonable, if the available area is larger.

[nextcommercial]

I'd have taken a kickboard.

I wouldn't have bothered saying anything to her unless there just wasn't enough room for the boys to swim. Then, I'd have said "The pool is for everyone".

She's probably used to having adults speak up when she's being rude. There's nothing wrong with saying something to her. Some kids are just more forward than others. She needs to learn tolerance.

I bet her parents are tired. I have a daycare girl that's like this, and it's exhausting some days. It's not every day, but often enough that her parents and I just get tired of it. But, she's such a great kid, that I won't have the constant fight with her, because I like who she is. She just needs to learn to live with everyone.

[Wild Lupine]

Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama

2) Taken a kick board, explaining to her they are for everyone, also explaining this is a public pool and the kids may swim where they'd like.

I'd have done this. Any further issues and I'd notify the lifeguard or other pool employee, especially since it was hard to tell if the girl had an adult there. I don't know of any pool that allows four year olds to swim without a parent nearby, so that in and of itself would be ground for alerting the staff.

Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama

Ds friends' mom took a different strategy and told the kids since she can't play nicely they should play elsewhere. That seems reasonable, if the available area is larger.

I don't think I'd tell my child this except under extreme circumstances (like the kid has a weapon), or if my kids weren't interested in playing where she was and it wasn't worth the battle. The girl got what she wanted through bullying behavior and your friends kids learned to cede to that behavior. Not a lesson I'd want any of them to learn.

[Hoopin' Mama]

I agree with these thoughts. I was so astounded by the behavior I kind of sat there wondering how to handle it. I did tell ds several times he may swim in that area. He may have only wanted a kickboard because she was declaring no one could have it.

If she had been swinging something around besides a soft swim noodle, I would have taken immediate action and found her parent.

I identified the Dad by the time we made our way out. He was practicing on the tennis court. Meanwhile, she was out of the pool and gathering up a bunch of tennis balls other kids were playing with, placing them between her swim noodles, and declaring them all hers

I was feeling very bitter that her parent was practicing tennis while she was terrorizing the place.

[limabean]

I would have done option #2, taken a kickboard and told her that the kickboards and pool were for everyone. I've had to tell the kids "it's for everyone" a few times, and they've always backed off.

If we were leaving soon anyway I might have done as you did, but if we were planning to stay a while and, as you said, she was monopolizing a large part of the shallow water, I wouldn't let it go. I would have been hugely annoyed at finding her father playing tennis while she behaved this way.

[mamazee]

#2. And maybe asked where her parent was.

[Amatullah0]

#2, and are there no pool rules about parents being in the pool area? Especially for a 4/5yo!

I too would have been annoyed at her parents leaving her unsupervised to terrorize the other children while they relaxed.

Especially if her parents weren't there I would have had no problem redirecting her behavior, i.e. you can't hit people with the noodle, you need to share the boards, they're for everyone, the pool is for everyone, we all have to share the space, etc.

[Joyster]

I probably would have sought out her parent or lifeguard, asking her first where was her mommy or daddy. A 4/5 year old has no business being in the pool without direct adult supervision (adult being an arms reach away). I don't know any pool (other than wading) in my area that would even allow it. The stories here lately of young children unsupervised in the pool are just driving me bonkers.

I would have told her that the pool is for everyone. I would have let the noodles/kickboard thing go.

[Ornery]

Absolutely #2 but with a bit of a twist. I would have helped my kids talk to her, using me as a backup and doing a lot of prompting. I'm big on my children being assertive.

I am a big proponent of using life situations to teach my kids and this would have been a great example.

[pianojazzgirl]

I would go with number 2. And I would ask a nearby lifeguard if it was allowable for 4-5 yr olds to be in the pool without a supervising adult. If the answer was "no" (as I imagine it would be) I would point her out to them and let them sort out finding her parent/caregiver (I wouldn't search them out myself because I'd be too busy watching my own kid in the pool!).

ETA I also think it's the job of the lifeguards to monitor pool behaviour and to make sure that no one too young is unsupervised in the pool. One time I took dd (at the time 4.5 yrs old) to a pool we had never been too. She was in the very shallow wading pool (there was also a full-sized pool) by herself, and a lifeguard asked her her age, and then when she answered 4.5 asked where her mommy was (I was right there by the edge of the pool) and told me that I needed to get in the pool with her (I hadn't realized that the rule was an adult needs to be in the wading pool with kids under 5). I was a bit embarrassed but also very pleased that they were so on the ball.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I can't believe there wasn't a pool rule about kids being supervised by an adult. Had it been possible to find the pool manager or supervisor, I would have done that and had them deal with it. Did the lifeguards react at all? I know at our Y pool they won't intervene with kids not getting along but they will if a child is endangering others, which would include swinging noodles at someone.

[earthmama369]

#2 and then #1. I'm on board with the folks thinking that she's both too young to be in the pool by herself and a child who may need more supervision and guidance than others when interfacing with other people.

[XanaduMama]

#2. I don't have a problem speaking to other people's kids, when they're not being supervised properly.

[*bejeweled*]

#2 And I would have enjoyed telling her the real deal.

[Hoopin' Mama]

I believe that there is a sign that says no one under 7 or something without adult supervision. There are so many families at the pool, I don't think the lifeguards know which kids belong to which parents. A lot of people that hang out there have really good swimmers that are 6yo and they are not under constant parental supervision.

It's technically a club (paying members) so perhaps that explains the lax attitude? The pool stays open even with no lifeguard on duty. Some of the lifeguards are real good and will tell kids to sit out, etc, and others seem to ignore obnoxious behavior.

[neetling]

I'd have gotten a kickboard for my child and if there was room I would have them play away from her. I would find her parent or had a lifeguard do it if she continued to try and hit people with the noodles. I'm shocked she was in there alone.

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

#2, and I would have tried to deal with it with humor re: the kickboards. If she hit my child with a pool noodle, though, I would say, "It is not kind to hit, please do not hit my child." I'm trying to work w/ DD to say this sort of thing for herself, too.

[One_Girl]

I would have complained to the lifeguard about the hitting and had them do something about it. In our area the pools require supervision for kids that age so I would have also asked the lifeguard to find out if she had parents at all since she was acting like a child who has just been dropped off. If there was no hitting I would just have my dd go to the lifeguard and ask if there are any kickboards. A complaint from a child tends to be listened to and dealt with at our pool and it teaches dd to advocate for herself.

[elmh23]

Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama

If she had been swinging something around besides a soft swim noodle, I would have taken immediate action and found her parent.

Dry swim noodles hurt a lot when you get hit with them (trust me, my son loves to use one as a sword!) I imagine wet ones would sting way more!

I would have gotten my child a kickboard and asked them to play elsewhere if there was enough room. Since it sounds like there wasn't, I would have told the little girl that the pool was for everyone. If she through a fit about it, I'd ask where her parent was or go talk to a lifeguard.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I'd have taken a kickboard.

Me, too. To me going elsewhere is passive. Maybe that's okay to some (not me) for the wanting an area of the pool to herself, but certainly she has no right to claim all of the kickboards. I would have told DC to walk over & get one. If they were timid about it, I would have myself.