Originally Posted by welsh
DS and I have got an intense relationship. It's quite like the one I had with my Mother. Such a deep connection. I'm the firstborn too.
My Grandmother, who was never very diplomatic, would tell anyone who'd listen that she saw God when my Dad was born...but not after the next 5 children!!
DDCC....I've had four children, we're expecting our fifth, and like a PP said, I love them all very differently. For me, my third child (but first neurotypical child) has been the most intense attachment. My most difficult attachment has been with our daughter, who joined us when she was 10 months old.
I think it's a personality thing, honestly. We bond more intensely with personalities that suit/reflect us in the ways we enjoy most, and less intensely with personalities that are challenging (unless you're someone drawn to challenging personalities, I guess
I also think it's important that you've noticed this generational trend of intense bonds with firstborns, and lesser bonds with laterborns. You should stay aware of it, and make sure to get proactive if you notice a similar trend in your family. I suspect that, like most of these rosy posts have stated, you will fall equally in love with your new daughter. But it's possible that you won't, and that your family's pattern will continue with your family. If that's the case, recognize the pattern and head out for some counseling. Often there are simple, hidden issues to discuss in therapy that might shed some light on why you (and your mother/grandmother) might have preferred their firstborn. Once you see it all laid out, it can be a lot easier to correct the "bad" pattern and replace it with a healthier family pattern.
We've all got issues, baggage, and patterns we've taken in/learned from our own families. Some of them are great, some are harmless, and some are damaging. If you think you're continuing a pattern you don't like, get some help in correcting it.
I've been amazed at how good it's been, mostly in my marriage but also in parenting, to have a little help overcoming the negative baggage of mine (and dh's) families. No one's perfect.
Best of luck to you!