Cool Creative Discipline

[erin23kate]

Can you share some of your creative discipline techniques? My little one is only 4 months old, but I'd like to learn as much as I can now!

My best friend has one that I'll share.... when her girls (7 and 9) refuse to go to bed, they get 2 warnings. On the 3rd time, they lose their pillow. She no longer runs into fights at night!

I'd love to hear your stories.

[mamazee]

So they have to sleep without their pillows? I'd worry that a punishment that caused them to have lest restful sleep would cause them to be tired the next day and have more behavior problems rather than fewer.

[erin23kate]

I hadn't thought of it that way... I guess I have more to learn than I thought about this whole thing. Yes, they did (once each). I'm not sure that sleeping without a pillow is horrific, however.

[mamazee]

I didn't say horrific. I said less restful, and if something is less comfortable during sleep, like having to sleep without a pillow, it would be less restful. And kids who aren't as well rested have a harder time controlling their behavior. edited to add: as do adults who aren't well rested. LOL.

[joanna0707]

What your friend did is called punishment and I don't do this.
I often try to change tense situation by using humor and this works great with my DS.

[mamazee]

A lot of people do punish, and it can certainly be done gently, though I wonder if making a child sleep without a pillow is particularly gentle, but anyway my issue is that it seems really counterproductive. If you want your child to behave well, you want your child to eat well and sleep well, because kids who are hungry or tired have a harder time behaving well than kids who are well rested and not hungry.

[mom2grrls]

My best friend has one that I'll share.... when her girls (7 and 9) refuse to go to bed, they get 2 warnings. On the 3rd time, they lose their pillow. She no longer runs into fights at night!>>>>>

Hm I don't give warnings and while it may stop their problem for a while, probably won't work long term. I try to get to the root of the "problem" rather than just stopping the behavior

[hakeber]

hmmm, taking away the pillows seems pretty wrong to me, but I would toss and turn all night without a pillow. I would find that too cruel and as Mamazee pointed out counter-productive.

When ds gives me trouble at bed time, I tell him that the natural consequence of being rude and not following the rules at bedtime is that I feel frustrated and cranky and do not want to spend my evening time reading him stories and giving him extra cuddles and songs, so the lippier he gets the less engaged I get and the fewer songs and stories we get to read together.

I also let him know that this is only a result of his choices TODAY, because he chose not to eat a nutritious balanced dinner and only wanted to eat toast, he is having a harder time controlling himself, and because he chose to stick his tongue out at me or call me names or whatever other outrageous behavior he might have engaged in, it is not a forever thing, and tomorrow we can all start again and make new choices, perhaps better choices.

This works well for us and has significantly lowered bedtime tantrums lately.

[hakeber]

As for creative parenting...I think the best playful parenting I have use is the I'm mad song, and letting ds scream and shout in a silly but purposeful way for a few minutes before we all calm down and talk calmly.

It works wonders for him feel validated in his wants, needs and feelings before he can accept advice or instructions.

[hakeber]

I have another good one that has worked since ds could draw well about 3.5 yo? and now he can write (sort of...I understand it )

When he is out of control with his feelings, just in a tizzy and being rude and obnoxious and I am having a hard time not escalating it because I am grumpy too, I send us both to our corners (him the play area and me the kitchen) he goes with paper and crayons/markers to calm down and put it on paper, and I spend some time here usually, until we can both decompress and find our polite words. He started by drawing pictures and they would be like an angry mommy with a red line through it, or a picture of himself with the thing he wanted. The last time he wrote a note that (roughly translated into words you'd recognize) said: Please stop being angry and let me talk.

Which just about broke my heart into a thousand pieces...but then I did listen and it turns out all he really wanted was for me to listen to him a while.

[momma_unlimited]

My little one is only 4 months old, but I'd like to learn as much as I can now!

You're so lucky to find this board now!

I think you might like the book Playful Parenting.

I've realized most of what people call discipline is actually punishment, and this always pits parent against child. Creative discipline, for me, is finding a way to be on my child's side while still making sure no one gets hurt... I'd give an example but I think my kids need some creative discipline right now, gotta run!

[bonamarq]

Something that's worked really well for me - especiall at the 3-5 yo point - was when my dd would "wake up on the wrong side of the bed" (happens to us all) and just be dragging herself and eveyrone else down with her I would say " we need a do over - let's step into the vortex" and we would go to some open space and I would spin and spin and spin until we both fell down dizzy and pretend the whole day was starting out fresh - it was like pushing the re-set button and I can't tell you what amazing, instant transformations took place after this - I think it allowed her to save face (she HATES to be wrong) and let her know I really wanted to move forward in a positive way....
They physcial act of spinning and getting silly and reconnecting all worked together to get us working together rather then against one another

[elmh23]

Am I the only one who's children regularly sleep without a pillow? It's not because we take it away, it's because they don't want it so throw it on the floor or at the foot of the bed.

OP, I have no suggestions for you. I find that IRL, I'm considered GD but here I am not (because I do "punish" though it's more of a natural consequence bend, but still not something that would be advocated here.) My only advice would be to take your child and the situations as they come. No way of discipline fits every child or every family.

[CatsCradle]

When ds gives me trouble at bed time, I tell him that the natural consequence of being rude and not following the rules at bedtime is that I feel frustrated and cranky and do not want to spend my evening time reading him stories and giving him extra cuddles and songs, so the lippier he gets the less engaged I get and the fewer songs and stories we get to read together.

This method has worked for me as well. We don't have many problems at bedtime but DD is going through a super rude / tantrum / throwing stuff phase right now. Just yesterday, when we were walking home from the subway, she threw herself down on the ground and said she wasn't going home. Kicked off her shoes and became very unbearable. I said: "You don't want to walk with me now? Well, this is making me cranky and I don't think I want to blow bubbles with you outside later this evening." She got right up and started walking. Maybe some people wouldn't agree to how I handled this, but I found that by offering her a scenario which is absent of my happy participation makes her rethink her position. It makes her understand that her behavior has an effect on other people and in the long term. We're going through a super tough time right now with her and I hope I handle it well.