what if it doesn't work? - Page 2

[amydiane]

Originally Posted by MAveggiemom

My midwife is amazing and will accompany us to the hospital and stay the entire time if we have to transfer, so she could fill the role you describe for a doula. But I already know none of the hospitals around here will allow two support persons in the OR, and I don't think I could possibly ask my husband not to be present at the birth of our child. So I'd be stuck by myself during the second half of surgery.

Is there any way your midwife/doula could step in when your DH leaves? Our hospital said I could only have one person in the OR as well, but I wanted DH to go with DD, and they okayed it. The OB was PISSED and tried to throw the doula out, but the nurse told her that I wanted her there, and I guess they legally have to let you have whoever you want, as long as it's not more than one person at a time (not sure how it is in your state). They did ask her to leave towards the very end, and I was mostly out at that point (even though I'd told them I didn't want to be), so I didn't notice. But I was really glad that someone was there while I was getting sewn up.

[GinnyMama]

I just wanted to chime in... and say that I planned a UBAC for my second birth. I was in hard labour for 43 hours, and the last 16 of that was transition, and I ended up having a uterine rupture, in the hospital, obviously with another c-section. And despite having a traumatic first c-section, the second was wonderful... it took a long time to process it, but when I look back, it doesn't seem NEARLY as traumatic as my first birth. The reason my first was traumatic (in hindsight) was because of the cascade of interventions and hospital stupidity that lead to the section.

I gave every ounce that I had and even a couple I didn't have into having my second baby naturally. And there are no regrets. So keep that in mind as well!

[Ms. B. Sprout]

This thread is wonderful!

I had a nasty hospital-driven unnecessary c/s with my first, and then a heartbreaking "failed" VBAC with #2 where I did everything "right," had a looong hard labor, and could not deliver my posterior/malpositioned baby vaginally.

#2 c/s was much better, because I called the shots and it was a necessary section.

Now I am planning #3, while still processing #2. I honestly feel like I have let go of any expectations for birth. I wanted that damn VBAC soooo badly -- I can't play that expectations game again. I am planning a VBAC this time, but with a far more realistic understanding of the random nature of birth. I am letting go -- I am just setting up the best possible conditions for a VBAC and then letting it all go from there. I know I will work hard and try my damndest, and I also know that sometimes, that's not good enough.

I am pretty cynical about birth now, & especially about the language of VBAC (success/accomplishment/failure). Yet I am moving forward with another VBAC. It's a strange place to be in.

Thanks again for this thread.

ETA: I re-read the OP and wanted to add that I don't buy into the idea that doubts or fears or planning for contingencies will impact outcomes. You know what, that means we blame the woman every time their birth doesn't go the way they planned, because their thoughts weren't pure enough. That's not ok. You have your plans, you give it your all, and the outcome is beyond your control.

I think loss of control is at the root of everything related to VBAC.