Is it just me?

[Ellp]

My parents have new neighbors who just moved here from Korea 6 months ago. The parents are church missionaries and they have a 5yo daughter. Their daughter and my Dds (ages 5 and 3) have become friends even though they don't speak the same language and can barely understand each other.

My parents will sometimes watch my kids for me at least once every 2 weeks, and sometimes (although rare) it becomes an overnight stay. While they are over there, Dd#1 will beg and plead to play with the little girl next door, and I'm sure the other little girl is the same way with her parents.

My issue is that my parents think that it is ok for Dd#1 to go over to the neighbor's house by herself to play, although my mom has some reservations over Dd#2 going over there without a grandparent tagging along. Her reservations are because Dd#2 is peanut sensitive and is too young to know to refuse ANY food that is given to her.

I've never met the neighbors as they've never been home when I'm at my parents place. My parents have interacted with them but communication is very sketchy at best.

So... I have issues with my Dds going over to the neighbor's house to play that my parents are pooh-poohing. I understand why they would allow Dds to play with the other little girl as it gives my parents a break from constantly watching my girls. However I feel uneasy about how young my kids are, and them going over to someone else's house by themselves.

Would you feel that way?

[sapphire_chan]

I would not be okay with that. I'm sure they're lovely people, but a 5 year old doesn't need to go to a house neither of her parents have seen with adults her parents have never met.

It's summer, they can play outside. Or your parents can figure out how to let you meet the neighbor family.

[cappuccinosmom]

I agree with you. Especially with it being a "third party" thing. Our family rule is that little kids kids don't visit inside neighbor's houses unless a parent is there supervising. Period. It doesn't matter if they are the nicest, most wonderful people in the world. I'm not a helicopter mom, but with smaller children I want to at the very least be in hearing range of them, and able to check on them at will.

Is there a back yard where the girls could play together while grandparents sit in a lawnchair and relax?

[mamadebug]

Originally Posted by Ellp

So... I have issues with my Dds going over to the neighbor's house to play that my parents are pooh-poohing. I understand why they would allow Dds to play with the other little girl as it gives my parents a break from constantly watching my girls. However I feel uneasy about how young my kids are, and them going over to someone else's house by themselves.

Would you feel that way?

I would feel fine with my child going over to play at someone else's house alone at age 3 or age 5 IF I knew the family really, really well. But, given that you have never met the parents, I wouldn't let kids of any age go play alone there. So, to me, it isn't so much of an age thing as just not knowing the other family.

I do think, though, that it may be a generational difference. I remember going to play with neighbor kids in their homes when I was visiting both sets of grandparents homes. My mom didn't know any of the families. She wasn't bothered by it and obviously both of my grandmas were fine with it because they each let me go.

Times have changed and parenting styles have changed - i think you have to stick to what you think is the right thing for your kiddos!

[Dandelionkid]

The third-party nature of it makes it wrong in my book as your parents may not as attuned to any problems as you would be. Why can''t they play at grandmas house? It would still be a break from entertaining your dd.

[limabean]

Nope, wouldn't happen here. I'd tell my mom that this is a deal-breaker type of issue for me, and if she (inexplicably) refused to stop doing it, then sadly my kids wouldn't be able to be at her house without me.

I can't fathom her letting it get to that point though -- if you make it clear how important the issue is to you, won't your parents respect it even if they disagree?

[Ellp]

Ok good, so its not just me then. I thought I was being the *really* protective parent *my* parents accuse me of.

Yes, its probably a generational thing. My parents let me roam all over the neighborhood when I was 7 or 8 and they never asked where I went.

The other thing that bugs me too is the inability to verbally communicate.

My parents don't really like this other little girl to play at their house simply because the little girl is not very polite, will jump on the furniture, and has no boundaries. She has no hesitations about entering my parents' house (through the open garage door and house door) and/or helping herself to their cupboards or their fridge. She's also very persistant and you almost have to lay hands on her to physically turn her around with a very firm "NO" as an answer to her demands. I dealt with her last weekend so I know a little of what she's like and I was a little taken aback at the time.

My parents are supposed to take my kids for an overnight visit tomorrow and I think I'm going to have to talk to them about letting my kids play with this little girl. I'm ok if they're riding bikes or playing outside with one of my parents to supervise but I don't want my kids going over to the little girl's house.

Oh, and the other thing is too... the whole day while I was at my parent's house and the girls were playing in the afternoon, never once did a parent of the little girl come out and check on her. I mean, they had no idea if one of us adults were supervising or not, and the girls were riding bikes all over the townhouse complex, in and amongst driveways!

[Ellp]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

Is there a back yard where the girls could play together while grandparents sit in a lawnchair and relax?

Unfortunately no. Their backyards are the size of a postage stamp and individually fenced off. The only access to the backyards is through a gate that also leads to a very busy road. Usually they play in the driveways of each townhouse (my parent's and the little girl's).

[flower01]

I think if they seem like nice people and there are no red flags, than you should make a point to go meet them and then let your 5 year old go play. The 3 year old is too young IMO, but if you try to establish a relationship with this family, which I think is a good idea if your daughter likes their's so much, everything should be fine.

[dawncayden]

I'd feel compelled to go over and introduce myself to the girls parents. At least you could make a small connection in case your daughter were to go over again.

I let 4 year old ds go over to neighbors houses that I have met but don't know (very) well, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with the third party thing you discribe.