Waiting to Adopt NON DDC ~ July 2010 - Page 2

[sagewinna]

You've got it!

[Smithie]

Funding for non-emergency homestudies is back in place, and our app is being handed over to a home investigator this week.

Once she does her thing (she's an independent contracter) and turns in her report to DSS, our worker will be out here in the company of the fire marshall. Then we'll get our license. The we'll wait.

[curliemama]

update on us:

finalization will probably not happen now until August, but that's okay... everything's been approved by the judge, so it's just a matter of a rubber stamp now

[BeckC]

It's 11 months today. Blugh. We're meeting with the agency next week (well, conferencing in to the meeting) and one of the things they're going to talk about is changes in adoption statistics or something like that. I expect them to bump back our expected wait another 6 months to a year. Right now they expect us to wait at least another 13 mo at the least.

I need ideas for outreach. Parent profiles, whatever... I need to do something.

We have been getting some baby stuff over the past few months, expecting (hoping) that we'd have a baby this summer, then this year, then next spring... In October 2011 we have to pack up to move. I do not want to have to pack up baby stuff and move to another house with empty arms and a broken heart.

[Smithie]

Oh, Rebecca.

I'd send letters to, like, 100 obstetric practices and every large church in the state. Would it work? Dunno. Would doing something proactive make me feel better? Heck yeah. I believe somebody here on MDC actually connected with an emom through this method and ended up adopting the baby.

And if your agency forbids that kind of outreach.... ack. You may be with the wrong agency. I know it's awful to think of walking away from whatever you've paid already, but at some point, you have to measure the cost of your pain and frustration.

[BeckC]

Thanks for the hugs.

We've considered the letters and what not, but I don't even know where to start. I've also heard that it's sort of a waste because almost all doctors/churches/etc just throw them right out. Like you said though, even if it is completely futile, I wonder if it wouldn't just make me feel better for now. I don't know.

I don't think Parent Profiles is right for us because that's a lot of money to open ourselves up to scammers.

Unfortunately, we don't have the option of going with a different agency. If we backed out now, we would have no money left to complete an adoption privately, let alone through another agency.

Originally Posted by Smithie

Oh, Rebecca.

I'd send letters to, like, 100 obstetric practices and every large church in the state. Would it work? Dunno. Would doing something proactive make me feel better? Heck yeah. I believe somebody here on MDC actually connected with an emom through this method and ended up adopting the baby.

And if your agency forbids that kind of outreach.... ack. You may be with the wrong agency. I know it's awful to think of walking away from whatever you've paid already, but at some point, you have to measure the cost of your pain and frustration.

[MovingMomma]

Can I join? We're just getting started on an independent Rwandan adoption!

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by BeckC

Thanks for the hugs.

We've considered the letters and what not, but I don't even know where to start. I've also heard that it's sort of a waste because almost all doctors/churches/etc just throw them right out. Like you said though, even if it is completely futile, I wonder if it wouldn't just make me feel better for now. I don't know.

I don't think Parent Profiles is right for us because that's a lot of money to open ourselves up to scammers.

Unfortunately, we don't have the option of going with a different agency. If we backed out now, we would have no money left to complete an adoption privately, let alone through another agency.

I sent out letters to 112 obstetricians, a hospital social worker, and a maternity home on August 5, 2008. One of the obstetricians called us about a just born baby on August 10, 2008. I started nursing our daughter at 6 hours of age. She will be 2 in just a couple weeks. She is out bike riding with my husband and son right now. She is an awesome child who is still nursing and has been exclusively breastfed via me and a little bit of donor milk.

Obviously our results were unreal. 5 days!!! However, if you don't try you don't get matched at all (that way.)

I was glad to have the parentprofile site. We did it for 6 months. I included a link to it on every networking/advertising attempt we made. We also got an 800 number for $5 a month from either office max or office depot (I don't have the time to check that for you right now, but you can google it.)

Let me know if you want more info. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. Taking action made a huge difference for us. (Actually, we had to take action. In our state only one agency will work with non-religious folk and we had a lot of problems with them. We couldn't afford an out of state agency so I just got proactive and it worked.)

[sbrinton]

I want to jump in officially. I've been reading and asking questions on the adoption board for maybe a year, but we're finally in motion!

We're in the middle of our homestudy adopting a baby girl from Rwanda. We're just about done with our paperwork and waiting for the visits to begin. I'm a little nervous about that, but excited too. We're guessing this process will take 10-18 months from now, but there is a lot of uncertainty in adoptions from Rwanda right now, so who knows. We're just happy to be on this journey.

[MovingMomma]

Hi sbrinton! I'm sure you saw my post just above, we're also adopting from Rwanda. Are you using an agency or going independent? I do want to warn you that everything I'm hearing indicates the wait may be much longer than 10-18 months from now. I just heard from someone today who submitted their dossier months ago and they don't expect to get a referral until late 2011/early 2012. Of course if MIGEPROF adds staff for adoption processing, things could speed right up!

[BeckC]

We had our meeting tonight. I don't think I can do this anymore.

We're locked in with an agency who has all of our money. We don't have any more money. No one is getting babies. Adoption is on the decline. People are waiting 2, 3, 4 more years than they were told. No one has looked at our profile since March of this year. There have only been 4 placements in 2010, and I'm pretty sure none of those have been in our program. Everything is slowing down to a standstill.

We are never going to have a baby. I am this close to giving up. Really.

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by BeckC

We had our meeting tonight. I don't think I can do this anymore.

We're locked in with an agency who has all of our money. We don't have any more money. No one is getting babies. Adoption is on the decline. People are waiting 2, 3, 4 more years than they were told. No one has looked at our profile since March of this year. There have only been 4 placements in 2010, and I'm pretty sure none of those have been in our program. Everything is slowing down to a standstill.

We are never going to have a baby. I am this close to giving up. Really.

I'm sorry. That sucks. Can you advertise? We were certified to adopt on May 8 and through all my networking we were matched with a just born baby on August 10. Obviously not everyone will have the great speedy response we did, but it's better than just sitting around with a disappointing agency.

[lamamax3]

Rebecca, I know what you mean. We are locked in with our agency (if we don't choose to go the foster route, which we go back and forth on A LOT). Our estimated wait was 9 months. We have been waiting for 21 months. We were told that agencies were desparate for families for AA and bi-racial babies. Our agency has come to a standstill with their minority program, but is still adding new waiting families. We started down this road over two years ago, and it has been nothing but a disappointment. At this point, neither one of us expects The Call. I HATE living with this hanging over us. Not sure how much longer we are willing to do this either.

I hope you guys can settle on a decision that gives you peace.