So... what's holding you back from having children/more children?

[sparklett]

I know why I'm waiting, but I'd like to hear your stories too. Why are you waiting? How long do you plan on waiting?

[mambera]

Immediately, spacing. I'd like DD to get some more time to be a baby and have mama milk for now, and give the next baby its own baby time. Additionally, 1 to 2 years from now will be a good time to take a career break to have another baby (now is not a good time to do that).

Long-term limits to our family size will probably include career issues and DH's preference, and possibly our age. He only wants two. I would really like 3, and if I had unlimited time and resources and didn't find kids and career to be in such conflict, I'd even like more than that.

[Baby_Cakes]

My husband has his reasons - financial, and wanting more time with just DD, mostly -- but I have my own reasons for "whatevering" rather than being 100% ready to jump in feet first and TTC.

I'm still nursing DD. I would ideally like to be done nursing before getting pg or having another baby so I could have my own body back for a least a few weeks/months. I have no desire to wean suddenly b/c of pregnancy or to tandem nurse. So, in turn, we've been gradually weaning and it's going very well, though it's sad at times (for me.) DD is just shy of 2.

I'm a bit scared to say that I'm ready for another b/c of how tough the first year is. I just know the sleepless nights and teething marathons are going to do me in. I remember how it was and I do NOT look fwd to it! Of course -- the good totally outweighs the bad or we'd never have more than one, but it's just one of the things that makes me hesitate and be ok w/waiting at least one more cycle.

I'm nervous about labor/birth. I feel like I want/need more time to process things before having to go through it again.

I would need a bigger car and I my current car. I have a 2004 5 speed silver and black Mini Cooper. It worked ok w/one infant bucket seat, but it would never work with a RF convertible and an infant bucket. I've been eyeing the VW Tiguan or a Mazda 3 hatchback, but both are pretty pricey and we'd probably have to refinance our mortgage to buy either -- making us stuck in our house even longer. And our house is too small -- so our kids would end up sharing a tiny room. And by that I mean double the toys in that tiny room b/c we cosleep/bedshare anyway.

But of course...none of those reasons keeps me from hoping for an oops!

[Jayray]

The main thing for me is the nightwaking. My 13 mo still wakes anywhere from 1 to 4 times per night and wakes for the day around 5:30 am. It's hard to imagine being preggers and dealing with that.

I was also super tired with my first pregnancy and laid around almost the entire time. It's hard to imagine doing that with a 1/2 year old!!

[Mummoth]

My youngest starts grade 1 in September. Anytime I so much as hint that I might have another one, I get told I'm crazy. It doesn't help at all with the fear!

[mommyin2008]

My husband. He is not ready to have anymore yet. I am. It is so hard to be so patient. Our ds is almost 2.5 years old.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

I needed this thread. I have had a bit of baby fever lately, and I need to get my head on straight.

Financially-We have two in daycare as it is. Putting another in daycare would be suicide, and unless we sell our house, sell our car, move into an apt, and go on government assistance, I HAVE to keep my job. Its a must.

Fear-This will probably sound awful, ignorant, whatever. But I hear stories or read stories of women having misscarraiges, stillbirthing babies, babies who are sick, and I just think I should be happy and thankful for my two perfect little boys that I already have, and not want for more.

More Fear-DS2 was/is a HANDFULL. Hes finally sleeping great. The first 16 months were a nightmare that almost ruined my marriage. I was going insane!

Forgetfullness-After its all over, you forget about all the bad parts of stuff. for me, 9 months is a long ass time! I am not one of those glowing happy, love-being-pregnant women. I want the kid here YESTERDAY! Im sick, im uncomfortable, when the baby does a summersault on my ribcage, i wanna scream.

But all in all, I really do want three. I really really do. Im glad the universe decided my first two were going to be very close in age, because I was already dreading making the decision of WHEN to start for #2. I KNEW I wanted atleast two. And the two I have are so perfect, I really couldnt ask for anything more.


ETA I forgot to add that my husband would probably have as many as we possibly could and deal with the consequences later. He wants LOTS of kids.

[mbtmom2000]

My husband is the reason. He really does not want anymore children .... We have a 9 yr old dd and 7 yr old ds.

[*MamaJen*]

Well, at the top of the list is not being married, partnered, or if you want to get right down to brass tacks, having much sex at all to speak of.
Also, I'm getting ready to start a two-year graduate program.
I sometimes think I'd like another, especially a little girl, but then other times I think that I'm really happy with just the one. I'd very much be okay with it if he was an only child.

[Smokering]

Well, most concretely, we're going to Disneyland next March and I don't want to be pregnant. This could be the only time we ever go to Disneyland (or the USA at all), so I want to ride all the rides I can!

On a less shallow note.... Let's see. I hate being pregnant. I hated labour and had birth trauma - a small part of me is kinda keen to do it again with Hypnobabies (and without pre-eclampsia!), but I'd hardly call it an overriding desire. "Women forget the pain", nuthin'. I hated postpartum recovery - the lochia, leaky breasts, alien tummy and lack of sleep. I actually quite enjoyed the newborn period, more than I expected, but I hated the "try to sneak off the bed once the baby's nursed to sleep, make a tiny creak, baby wakes up, have to latch her back on while inwardly screaming with rage you didn't know you possessed, wondering if you will ever use the bathroom again" thing.

Also, we're still cosleeping. And DD's breastfeeding pretty frequently. I'm not 100% committed to nursing through another pregnancy or tandeming if I think it'll drive me insane, so I'd like to give DD some more guaranteed nursing time. (Right now we're planning to TTC when she's just turned 3, so if I did have to wean in the first trimester it wouldn't be disastrous, IMO). Plus, DD's only recently become much more willing to play by herself, stay for an evening at Gran's, etc. I'm rather relishing the freedom, and would like a little more of it before reverting to the "I can't sleep in any position I want" state of affairs. Well, OK, I still can't sleep in any position I want because DD is often draped across me or has her head lovingly pillowed on my carotid artery. But it's not as bad as pregnancy. Oh, and did I mention heartburn? And pelvic girdle pain?

In short: I want more children, but I do not cope gracefully with the process of having them. At all. And I have this irrational yen to stay semi-sane. Hopefully by next March DH's home business will have reached the point where he has lots of time to help out his nauseated pregnant wife; and hopefully by then I'll have developed a bit of grace, worked through a lot of fears and mental issues, and be up for the task. Right now the thought of voluntarily, deliberately, done-this-before-so-have-informed-consentedly signing up for pregnancy seems like the height of lunacy (DD was "whatevered"); but I need to get over that. Before next March. Not right away.

[Brown Lioness]

Financial stability/freedom.

[zjande]

Well, my fertility hasn't returned yet since the last baby.

[smeisnotapirate]

The fact that I have a 10 week old baby.

I had an amazing birth with her and at 2 days pp was saying I'd do it again (glutton for punishment much??). I want at least 3. DH didn't want any. I think we'll probably have 3 and then I'll stop. I'd love 5. But...... yeah. DH. He's liking it more with each kid, though. So HE may not be done after 3. ()

[sparklett]

Wow everyone, thanks for all of the perspectives! Keep 'em coming.

I started this thread becuase sometimes it's nice to remember that there are other people who have to wait, just like me. I love hearing your stories... many of them have really helped to reaffirm my choice to hold off on a second baby for awhile longer.

[Kimmiepie]

*I am trying to get my chronic illness under control

*I want to get really healthy and tone up my body so I don't feel so tired, and unhealthy while pregnant

*DS3 is still nursing a LOT. He rarely takes a sippy and doesn't have a huge appetite for solid foods. It's quite draining and I can't imagine being pregnant while nursing him so much.

*We would really like to sway girl a little bit, so I'd like to do some research on that

*We want to figure out the logistics of space. If we have another boy we'd know where we could put him when he was older, even though it'd be tight. If it were a girl though, we'd have to rethink things and perhaps even convert the garage.

*We'd really like to get more routine going in our lives so it is less chaotic.

*We'd like there to be about 3 years between the last two. So that would put me getting pregnant in 2011. It'd be ideal if the baby could be due in summer 2012 so that my husband would be home to help (he has summers off).

*We'd need to save money for a midwife.

*We'd need a new vehicle.

Really, we are not 100% sure that we will have another one. We have talked about it and sometimes agree that we do, and sometimes not. I'd love love love to have another little girl, but of course there is no guarantee of that. I LOVE my boys to death, but honestly I am happy with the amount of children we have and if I were to go through pregnancy and birth again (something that I'm not very good at) there would be a lot of hope for a little girl. Of course we had hoped ds3 was a girl but when we found out he wasn't we were just as thrilled as if he had been. I just don't know that wanting a girl is a good enough reason to try for another.

I hope I'm making sense. We are just torn. Sometimes we feel complete and other times it's like someone is missing. I think only time will tell, but for now we are using the reasons above to wait before making that decision. I'm a part of a "BFing and Waiting to TTC" group on another board so it is definitely something we're keeping in mind.

[MsVyky]

I'm starting a 2 year diploma program in September, and I want to be able to finish it without interruption. I have wicked baby fever lately and am pining to have another, though we are still frequently nursing, my fertility has not returned, and SH says he doesn't want any more bio kids- he wants to adopt or foster (though we'd never in a million years be able/eligible to)

[nemrac917]

For us, it's timing. I'm in the middle of my degree program. We want to be graduated and employed for at least a year before we start trying. Why a year? I want to be eligible for FMLA for my maternity leave and want to be past any possible "new hire probation" period. That puts us at right about 2 years until we start trying, which will make us 32 and 39. Don't want to wait much longer!!

[natty529]

a few things... the first of which is our financial situation and in turn, the stress it has put on our relationship, but things are getting better all the time. second, i recently finished my doula training and would like work for a while before having an other babe. but, dh and i are both thinking about it, i figure i will be pg again within a year

[sparklett]

Originally Posted by Smokering

Well, most concretely, we're going to Disneyland next March and I don't want to be pregnant.

lol! That's as good as reason as any!

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

I needed this thread. I have had a bit of baby fever lately, and I need to get my head on straight.

I noticed that a lot of people in this forum seem to have baby fever (me included). Sometimes it's nice to remind ourselves why we're waiting, instead of just jumping in and doing it.

[SoCaliMommy]

Dealing with Secondary Infertility for a second time. We just hit the 3year mark and i'm really realizing it really won't happen without seeking medical help

I need to get in to see my obgyn to get a referral to a RE.

My son it took about 1yr and 2 back to back miscarriages, and that was without medical help.


I'm trying to think of it as better spacing lol, my almost 7yr old and newly 4 yr old fight alot.