So... what's holding you back from having children/more children? - Page 4

[CariCloud]

Originally Posted by Gismobabe

My nerves! I could have anothe one easily (Austria pays us to have kids!) but after having 3 little ones back to back I am not sure I have any more patience for another one.

Travel/Financial: We live in Europe and have to travel to the US at least once a year and that is hard with two children but with more????

Worry: to lose another on or have more miscarriage.

And in the end I know I will always have one too few. And no matter how many kids I have, Jake will still not come back!

[sparklett]

Originally Posted by lalemma

I've been thinking about this recently. We always thought we'd have at least two kids, but here we are with an 8-month-old, and... not exactly planning the next one. Our reasons for ambivalence:

*I had eclampsia and we both almost kicked the bucket, he was premature - it was a pretty weird experience. So we're gunshy.

*Adjusting to parenthood was really hard for us, and it's hard to know how much of that was because of the crazy way we entered it.

*Careers. We really want to have one parent home. Right now my husband and I are about to switch off so I can go have dream job. Which is great, but means that his stuff is getting put on hold for a while. If we have another kid, that pushes the time when both of us can work back further and further.

*Maybe this sounds odd, but we like our little guy so much. It makes me feel kind of sad to think of him no longer being Our Baby. You know?

Wow, you sound like me! :-)

[lovetheheights]

PERFECT thread. thank you all

- i don't know that I want another.

- I am in better shape than before pregnancy and want to enjoy that

- finances/being able to give DD the life we picture, or close to it

- not feeling "the pull"

- not wanting to leave the city/move which we would likely have to do

- reading articles like this help me realize that only children can be just fine, thanks.: http://www.time.com/time/nation/arti...002382,00.html

- realizing that I am only thinking about doing it for our DD - not a BAD reason but I read other women's posts about really wanting another and I can't relate. we are so so happy and so complete.

- but we both come from families of 4, so it's hard to imagine DD growing up without a sib

[LaurieG]

Great thread! I was just thinking I needed to write down on paper the reasons to wait so I stop daydreaming - LOL!

So here are my reasons:
1. Financial - we're working on paying off a lot of debt that we built up over the past year along with school loans, etc. Because of our ages I really feel like we need to accomplish that soon. There's something to be said for planning for the future and it would really be a bummer to have this big family and never be able to travel or help the kids financially with things when they are older, not to mention retirement at some point.

2. Health - I need to gain back 10-15 more pounds that I lost from nursing DD on an extreme elimination diet. I won't consider becoming pregnant until I've done that, and since DD is still nursing I'm not making progress there very quickly. Once DD is weaned I also need to do some intensive gut healing to try to avoid another baby having the same issues with food intolerances.

3. Sanity / household organization - I have a lot of projects around the house that have taken a back burner from having little ones for so long. I need to purge and organize my life so that a new baby doesn't put me over the edge and so that I can enjoy my kids and not feel like I'm constantly drowning in clutter.

4. Cultivating some things that have been neglected - like my marriage. DH and I need some time (at least a year) to focus on ourselves and our marriage. Now that the kids are the ages they are we have started being able to spend more time together recently - the occassional night out, still being awake after kids are asleep and having a conversation, etc. I'm not ready to give that up yet. And we have some plans of things we have been putting off because the kids were little but now we can do.

5. Fear - what if #4 is a high needs, or even more scary, a special needs kid. I'll be almost 40 so the risk is higher. DD has a genetic condition and we're lucky that so far she seems to be one of the lucky ones in terms of how affected she is, but it is still expensive and time consuming to address her medical needs. I'm not sure financially, emotionally, etc we could address the needs of 2 kids with special needs. And even if baby #4 is simply "colicky" but without serious medical issues I'm still having a little PTSD from DD's infancy. The thought of going through that again makes my anxiety sky high. Or, what if pregnancy #4 is twins!!!! OMG! 5 would be over the top!

6. DH. He doesn't want a 4th. He has said he would be willing to discuss it with me and consider if I say it is really important to me, but since I am still on the fence some days we haven't had that conversation yet.

7. Responsibility - I feel like having a 4th child would be irresponsible for a lot of reasons - contributing to overpopulation of the earth for one. Also, finding someone willing to take in all 4 children in case DH and I both die. Or (and this goes back to fear) what if only 1 of us dies and the other has to try to raise 4 children alone?

So that's why I wait. I've said I'll reassess in 1 year and see how things stand, but all of a sudden I have a bunch of friends pregnant and I realize how much I miss those pregnant and early baby days.

[sparklett]

Originally Posted by lovetheheights

- reading articles like this help me realize that only children can be just fine, thanks.: http://www.time.com/time/nation/arti...002382,00.html

Thanks for bringing this up! Very validating.

[ColoradanMom]

What a great thread. I do have quite a bit of baby fever

My son has a lot of health needs and keeping him insured is kinda an issue with our job instabilities. Both DH and I have decided to become RNs (didn't honestly have that many job prospects before anyways, so its not like we're giving up too much)
I started pursuing my degree first, so I'm already in school and have to finish and find that first real job so that DH can start school. I'm done in May, then I need to get hired (in this scary market!) and then probably wait it out 6 months to TTC so I'll be able to take leave. At the moment we are sorta homeless (well living in my ILs basement) and living off of my husband's part time CNA job so its definitely not ideal baby time.

I am really having trouble waiting though. My DS was not planned and I didn't know anything then and avoided doing any education on birth/parenting/etc. Maybe I'm over idealizing but I'm looking forward to the whole experience - the trying, the pregnancy (the whole thing, rather than just finding out at the end of the 1st trimester), the less medical birth, the BFing, cosleeping from the get-go, etc. Hopefully a little over a year and I'll be able to get started