DD & Lack of Preschool - WWYD?

[VisionaryMom]

This thread could go in several places...

DD is 3. She's an extroverted child. I'm an introvert. I've worked freelance at home since June 2004. Back in April, I was offered a job as the director of an arts group. Great! I decided to take it, and we started looking for preschool for DD. DS will be in K this year.

Fast-forward 6 weeks, and the job fell apart (the whole company, not just my job). So, I dropped the ball on DD, but I talked to some folks involved with the school we were considering. They all said they were desperate for kiddos. Financially we'd already committed to a summer nanny, and I'd bought a work wardrobe, etc. So, I decided to wait until the end of June to pay her deposit. Bad idea. They cut the preschool classes b/c of the low attendance, and they're full. I put DD on the waiting list. She's #2.

We looked at another preschool in the private school where we intend to put DC in 2 years. They have one contract (no tuition paid yet, so still could open up) but otherwise a full 3YO program. Great. DC went to summer camp at the place where DS was in preschool last year. He *loved* it. DD didn't like the teacher. Though DS craves structure & consistency, DD's take was "she's always telling me what to do & she's mean." DD wet her pants one day because she was afraid to ask for help to go to the bathroom. (FTR, I don't think the teacher is mean at all, but she is fairly loud. That scares DD.)

So I'm not sure what to do. Since I want to switch career paths, I'll be taking 3 classes toward a post-baccalaureate teacher certification this fall. That will mean some daytime hours for field work. Plus I still need to do some freelancing.

I've never had either child in full-time care, and I really don't want to for various reasons. So I'm considering just keeping DD home with me all the time next year and just hiring a sitter for the times I need to do field work.

The thing is that DD and I don't mesh. She talks *at* me constantly, just on and on and on. She's very whimsical & carefree, which is wonderful, but I'm...not. DS and I get along well because we can enjoy a quiet afternoon on the sofa reading or going to a museum. DD would destroy something at the museum because she was being a fairy and twirling. I mean, she is a wonderful child, but I'm afraid that with her at home & DS at school, it wouldn't work out. OTOH, we can save the cost of either tuition or childcare. In the past week, DH's car has died, he's decided to buy a motorcycle, and we found out he has a (very mild, unlikely to cause any major problems) form of cancer. So I'm reeling from all of that - worried.

Anyway, what would you do? How do I keep DD entertained if I go back to work? We've never done library story times & things because DS doesn't like them - too chaotic for him - so maybe (the positive-thinking part of me says), we would be able to do some things DD would like but hasn't gotten a chance to do. What if I can't handle it emotionally?

[madskye]

I work 30 hours each week from home, DD is 5 and I can't do it with her home. I really could not have done it with her at home when she was 3. They just need so much stimulation at that age--I think that's why it's ideal for some kind of preschool.

I can't really comment on the different places you looked into, but I'd keep looking until you find the right place and find a good program for her that's at least 3 mornings a week so you have time to focus on your work. There should be a lot of options in between a mother's day out program, a morning nursery school program, and actual full time daycare. (Unless you live in a remote area, but you didn't mention a lack of options in your area)

Also! Best wishes for a speedy recovery to your husband!

[nextcommercial]

I, personally don't think kids need pre-school. But, they do need socialization. Some kids NEED a social life.... and they will drive you up a tree because they just want to be entertained.

So, maybe there is a home childcare setting near you with girls your daughter's age who would have an opening for her five half days or three full days. (whichever works better for you)

I have a daycare in my home, and my group is pretty little. (all just turning three yrs this summer) but, they LOVE each other. They squeal with happiness when they come in. One girl will walk in, and all the others run to her shreaking her name.... they hug.... compare panties. (tinkerbell seems to be the preferred panty this year) and then go off to play. They are deliriously happy together.

Some kids just really thrive on having friends.

[shayinme]

My almost 5 yo is very much like your dd, last year we had to pull her out of ft care for financial reasons but we were able to find a 3 morning a week program through the YMCA that worked for her. My dh is self employed and his office is in our house, I have a flex schedule but there was and is no way we could have her at home with us. She is sooooo energetic and as someone who's eldest was a laid back quiet kid its been a real shock.

In your shoes with a kid like mine unless you are in an area with no other options I'd keep searching for some type of preschool or even in home provider so she can get the socialization. I know in our case even playdates are not enough, my girl thrives on regular (daily) interactions with other kids and with our work schedules daily playdates are impossible.

Good luck!

[kcstar]

I've been taking one class per semester for much of the last year, on top of WOH. It's very hard for me to study while DS is around, in part because so far I have not enforced a "Don't bother Mom" rule. From my experience, I would encourage you to have some form of regular childcare set up for your study times.

I never went to preschool, and I think the lack of socialization did hurt. My sister did some preschool when she was about 4, and I think it helped her out.

I'm not convinced that children need preschool at 2 and 3 years old. My reasons for starting DS in preschool have more to do with my SAH husband's ADD and need for structure.

I currently have DS in two mornings a week of preschool. If DH finds a job, we can add preschool hours to cover the times we're both at work. At 2.5-3 years old, I figure 2 mornings is enough to give structure to their week, build social skills, and learn a little something.

As DS reaches 4, I'd like to increase the time to at least 3 mornings.

With your daughter being extraverted, I would also encourage you to have some regular activities for her to play with other children. Whether that be preschool, daycare, a home-based child care, or even a playgroup, give her time with other children.

[VisionaryMom]

So, an update & some clarification.

I've always worked from a home office. I put DS in mothers' day out twice a week when he was 2. At 4, he started preschool. DD has been in mothers' day out since she was 9 months old.

My concern isn't working or studying with the kids in the house. It's more how much DD talks & needs me to acknowledge everything she does. Even if I didn't work or take classes, I likely would need some break from her. Shay, I also find it difficult after having a son who is perfectly content playing by himself! This morning, she was flying into my room at 6:30 talking about what all she wanted to do for the day. I mean, really, I'd just like to get my pants on first.

Anyway, I checked with the preschool teacher DS had. They're opening up a 3 day/week option for 3YOs, so I think that's what we'll do. DS' former teacher won't be DD's teacher. She knows the teacher she'll have, and she said that she likes her. So I feel good about that - less expensive than the other choices and also something that will give us a break.

I don't do playdates very often. They just seem so weird to me in many ways. It's a struggle to have a child who craves the kind of chaos that DD seems to crave. Seriously, last night while she was supposed to be brushing her teeth, she flushed a pair of my underwear down the toilet! Who does that??? She said it was because her "favorite color is red. The underwear were red, and I wanted to see what would happen if they went down the toilet. The water didn't turn red." So, yeah, I'd still need a small break.

[whatsnextmom]

Well, I HAD to send DS to preschool for himself but also for me. We have the same dynamic in our family. My first child and myself are introverts happy to sit quietly and read for hours, connect to discuss the book, have a quick tickle session and go back to our own happy activities. She didn't go to preschool until 4 and only for like 4 hours a week. DS came along and is intensely extroverted. His need for constant social interaction drained me to a bundle of raw nerves every night. He went to preschool just before his 3rd birthday and it made all of us (including him) much happier and our relationship was allowed to blossom.

I saw your update and good luck with the new school!

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

So, an update & some clarification.

I've always worked from a home office. I put DS in mothers' day out twice a week when he was 2. At 4, he started preschool. DD has been in mothers' day out since she was 9 months old.

My concern isn't working or studying with the kids in the house. It's more how much DD talks & needs me to acknowledge everything she does. Even if I didn't work or take classes, I likely would need some break from her. Shay, I also find it difficult after having a son who is perfectly content playing by himself! This morning, she was flying into my room at 6:30 talking about what all she wanted to do for the day. I mean, really, I'd just like to get my pants on first.

Anyway, I checked with the preschool teacher DS had. They're opening up a 3 day/week option for 3YOs, so I think that's what we'll do. DS' former teacher won't be DD's teacher. She knows the teacher she'll have, and she said that she likes her. So I feel good about that - less expensive than the other choices and also something that will give us a break.

I don't do playdates very often. They just seem so weird to me in many ways. It's a struggle to have a child who craves the kind of chaos that DD seems to crave. Seriously, last night while she was supposed to be brushing her teeth, she flushed a pair of my underwear down the toilet! Who does that??? She said it was because her "favorite color is red. The underwear were red, and I wanted to see what would happen if they went down the toilet. The water didn't turn red." So, yeah, I'd still need a small break.

OMG! We may have the same kid. My girl wakes up and its like honey calm down, let me have some coffee and wake up. Even the use of tv in the morning does not get her to have a calm transition into the day. Right now on the mornings she is not at camp by 11 am we are like oh dear...her energy level is just crazy. Its all in a good way too but with kids like that who are extroverts when you are not, I think a little distance makes the relationship a lot better.

[rabrog]

Ask around. There are only two traditional (2-3x a week, 3 hours a day) preschools in town. I wouldn't have found the one we loved if I hadn't been talking to a million people.

Jenn

[meemee]

mama that is a good decision you made.

you and your family have a lot on your plate with lots of uncertainty. i would do exactly what you have done.

my dd is just like yours - but a night owl. if i wrote what we did when she was 18 months old i promise you you will feel tired. i am not as active she still is at almost 8 years old, but we enjoy doing the same things together. even as an infant she went to places i wanted to go and i went to places she wanted to go. being a single mom i had to take care of myself too.

so i can totally relate to how crazy a day can get.

to be a good mom you need your own time. so i totally understand the 3 day a week option would be perfect for you. and you never know. she might want more. 5 days a week perhaps.