My DD, age 31 months, LOVES to nurse. I have no problem to continuing as long as she wants to, but we're running into two problems:
1) She asks to nurse extremely frequently, even if I'm not there. She asks my (male) partner, her babysitter, and her grandparents. And of course, she asks me all through the day. Since she asks so frequently, 9 out of 10 times that she asks, she doesn't get to nurse. Of course everyone has to tell her, "You can nurse later when you're with Mama." And most of the time she asks me I say things like, "We'll nurse when we get home" (if I'm driving a car), "We're getting ready for bed now and we'll nurse after you're in your pajamas," or "I can't nurse while I'm giving the cat his medicine, but after I finish we can nurse." She is generally quite accepting of all the "no"s and "later"s she gets. But she still asks enough that DP is getting tired of it. He is super-supportive of breastfeeding, but starting to say maybe we should wean to put an end to the constant requests.
I should clarify that I did nurse her on demand for a LONG time (probably 18 to 24 months). Asking her to delay so frequently is a more recent development -- but it's not like it's a new change!
2) Often when she asks me to nurse, she is quite obnoxious about it, yelling, "Num-num! Num-num! Num-num NOW!" I tell her she needs to ask more nicely, and talk in a regular voice. Then she says, "Please,", and I say, "Oh, that's better." Sometimes I go on to say (for her), "Mama, could I please nurse now?" and she'll then repeat this. But it doesn't seem to matter that I don't respond to the obnoxious requests -- she still does it a lot. Recently she did this repeatedly in front of our most nursing-skeptical relatives, and I'll admit to being really embarrassed. If anything would turn someone off from nursing beyond infancy, it's a rude, demanding, nursing toddler. She does not request ANYTHING else in the world in this tone of voice, only nursing.
I've thought about responding to the obnoxious demands by saying, "I don't like when you ask to nurse that way. We can't nurse now because you didn't ask nicely. Later you can try asking me more nicely." But I don't think that will work -- I think it will lead to fury and outrage, which will take a long time to settle from and result in ever-more-desperate pleading to "num-num." If she were 4 or 5, I can imagine a kid going away and coming back in 2 or 3 minutes to try asking again more nicely. But I'm not convinced she is developmentally capable of even remembering the thought that long -- at this age she gets distracted so easily.
Can anyone offer suggestions for either (related) problem? I'm not quite sure how we ended up in this situation -- overall she is an easygoing, mellow kid. It feels like she is just so enthusiastic about nursing that it's taking over. Should I consider telling her we only nurse at certain times of the day (when you wake up, when you come home from the babysitter's house, before bed, etc.) and essentially wean her at all other times?
1) She asks to nurse extremely frequently, even if I'm not there. She asks my (male) partner, her babysitter, and her grandparents. And of course, she asks me all through the day. Since she asks so frequently, 9 out of 10 times that she asks, she doesn't get to nurse. Of course everyone has to tell her, "You can nurse later when you're with Mama." And most of the time she asks me I say things like, "We'll nurse when we get home" (if I'm driving a car), "We're getting ready for bed now and we'll nurse after you're in your pajamas," or "I can't nurse while I'm giving the cat his medicine, but after I finish we can nurse." She is generally quite accepting of all the "no"s and "later"s she gets. But she still asks enough that DP is getting tired of it. He is super-supportive of breastfeeding, but starting to say maybe we should wean to put an end to the constant requests.
I should clarify that I did nurse her on demand for a LONG time (probably 18 to 24 months). Asking her to delay so frequently is a more recent development -- but it's not like it's a new change!
2) Often when she asks me to nurse, she is quite obnoxious about it, yelling, "Num-num! Num-num! Num-num NOW!" I tell her she needs to ask more nicely, and talk in a regular voice. Then she says, "Please,", and I say, "Oh, that's better." Sometimes I go on to say (for her), "Mama, could I please nurse now?" and she'll then repeat this. But it doesn't seem to matter that I don't respond to the obnoxious requests -- she still does it a lot. Recently she did this repeatedly in front of our most nursing-skeptical relatives, and I'll admit to being really embarrassed. If anything would turn someone off from nursing beyond infancy, it's a rude, demanding, nursing toddler. She does not request ANYTHING else in the world in this tone of voice, only nursing.
I've thought about responding to the obnoxious demands by saying, "I don't like when you ask to nurse that way. We can't nurse now because you didn't ask nicely. Later you can try asking me more nicely." But I don't think that will work -- I think it will lead to fury and outrage, which will take a long time to settle from and result in ever-more-desperate pleading to "num-num." If she were 4 or 5, I can imagine a kid going away and coming back in 2 or 3 minutes to try asking again more nicely. But I'm not convinced she is developmentally capable of even remembering the thought that long -- at this age she gets distracted so easily.
Can anyone offer suggestions for either (related) problem? I'm not quite sure how we ended up in this situation -- overall she is an easygoing, mellow kid. It feels like she is just so enthusiastic about nursing that it's taking over. Should I consider telling her we only nurse at certain times of the day (when you wake up, when you come home from the babysitter's house, before bed, etc.) and essentially wean her at all other times?
I also get lots of "I have a boo-boo so I need to nurse."
) and sing rock-a-bye-baby. This actually worked today after she bumped her head!!! (She fell immediately after nursing, so I really didn't want to nurse her again...!) But anyway, she loves nursery rhymes, and she always sings rock-a-bye-baby to her stuffed animals and dolls when they're "crying", so somehow it started working for her too. I guess I just kept trying alternatives other than nursing when she was upset until I hit on something that calmed her, and now I can always try that first. It helps...
). I really liked the ideas from Lisavark too but also have a question - does the nursing chair apply to night nursing as well? I don't imagine it does based on your statement about how frequently you nurse at night but wasn't sure. Getting out of bed all night might push me over the edge. Also, would you have a suggestion for this situation - I take my daughter to work with me as a Nanny/Household Manager so we spend most of our waking hours during the week at work (50+hours) - do I have a nursing chair at home and one at work? I know we aren't to this point yet but like I said, I anticipate it for sure!
So far what I have been doing (I'm trying to catch it before it becomes a serious habit) is that when she is rude/demanding about getting milk I tell her, "I am not going to nurse when you are rude." Then I walk away. Sometimes she cries but she isn't really one for fits. When she cries I will give her a hug and tell her that I love her, but rude behavior is not rewarded. Then I get up again and go do something else for a while. This has cut it down to her asking rudely every few days. For the constant asking I tell her that my nipples hurt and they need a break. She's fairly good about it so far. I do a lot of crossing my fingers that this doesn't become a huge problem when the new baby gets here.
