Reality check please...

[crunchy_mommy]

I've had an anxiety disorder all my life so I'm not always sure when I'm being normally cautious & when it crosses the line...

Does anyone else still wake up to make sure their toddler is breathing? I got in the habit of doing this early on & while I no longer put a hand on him every hour, I still check once or twice a night... and every once in a while I'm too sleepy to see properly & have a moment of panic thinking he's not breathing. I know it's normal in the early days to check on them but am I going too far checking on my 17mo??

Also, does anyone else follow their younger toddler around on the playground? I don't trust him not to walk off the ledges (fireman's pole etc.) and he is into climbing things he's still too little/unsteady for so I'm always a step behind him. Crazy or not?

And this isn't related to my anxiety issues but I'm curious, when do you stop carrying your kid most of the time? I often carry DS while I'm doing things around the house, or carry him to the car, etc. sometimes because he wants up but often just because it's quicker/easier. He does get lots of walking time too, will it just naturally evolve to less carrying or do I need to consciously stop if I don't want to be carrying a 10yo all day?

[EzzysMom]

Hmm the breathing thing sounds a little extreme. I might try to relax on that. I can turn my baby monitor up high enough to hear her breathing even, can you start with that? Also she sleeps right next to us so I guess maybe I'm fairly aware without actively checking.

Following the toddler around the playground at 17 months? yes. Carrying toddler frequently? yes, the toddler will want down eventually. So long as you're not carrying him all the time so his walking skills won't improve. My daughter now wants to walk most of the time, except when it's inconvenient. :P

[hollytheteacher]

I do all of this and ds is almost 3. Actually i'm just now standing back a bit on the playground, but a kid your age...sure you should be right there!! They could so easily get plowed over by "big" kids.

As for the breathing thing, we cosleep and i always reach over and touch ds to make sure he's breathing! He was born with a medical issue though so i don't know if that is why I do it or if i would anyway!

[crunchy_mommy]

Yeah we cosleep so it's usually me just reaching out a hand in the dark or something. I wake frequently at night anyway and unfortunately I often 'wake with a start' or slightly disoriented (not sure what's up with that) and that's what I have the little panic attacks because I am too disoriented to see he's breathing fine & everything's OK.

But, he never had any breathing issues or health problems, although there were a few times when he was an infant that I wondered if me checking on him kicked him out of a not-breathing episode (but he also may have been breathing more impercepably or something those times...)

[vrclay]

I have a nearly 3YO and an 11MO. The 11 MO co-sleeps for part of the night. He begins in thecrib in the same room with the3YO and then when he wakes up I bring him into my bed to nurse and continue sleeping. Point being - I'm in and out of the room where my 3YO is sleeping during the night and yes, I always go over to check on him. I check if he's covered, if he wet teh bed and yes, if he's breathing. I don't think it's out of theordinary - just something mamas do. If however, I was setting my alarm to go off every hour to check his breathing, then, I'd be worried. What you are describing sound OK to me.

Playground - yup would be following my child around at that age.

As for carrying the child - My older one liked to be carried in the baby carrier. That stopped when I got pregnant with my second and have a history of pregnancy complications so at 16-18 months older son began to hear the phrase, mommy no pick up, daddy picks up. And daddy did, any time it was requested. I seem to remember around 20 months he started asserting his independence and wanted to walk on his own. It's just something we followed his lead on.

[physmom]

Breathing thing- we cosleep and DD's always the one waking us up so it's not so much of an issue. But on the rare occasion that I'm up and she's not then yeah, i check still.

Carrying- we're really working on getting DD to walk more. At home we never carry her (but we never did that for a number of reasons). When we're outside we only wear here if it's too far for her to walk. But even with that we're working on getting her to walk for longer and longer distances. Mostly because she's REALLY HEAVY and killing my back! So normallly when we go to the grocery store etc. she's walking holding our hand (we don't have a car).

Playground- DD's always been pretty adept physically so she can climb ladders etc pretty well (if the rungs are not too far apart because she's still a 1.5 year old!). So I guage what she can and can't do and step in accordingly. If she's in the sand, I step back a lot. Even now if she's climbing I might just spot her going up (although she never needs it really now) and then step back once she's up. I try and give her as much space as possible. The only exception is if she's around a kid smaller than her because she can be aggressive at times.

[confustication]

I just stopped checking to make sure my daughter was breathing every time I walked past a couple years ago. She is 8 1/2.

My boys are almost 2 and 9 months. I check both every night. With the older one, I often just peek- his respirations are easy to see from a distance. My youngest is harder to 'see' so I tend to touch him...

I let them explore the playground, but if it's over 3 feet high, I'm within reach. I *still* have to stifle the desire to be right there with my oldest when she starts climbing cargo nets etc.

The point at which I carry them less has been entirely dependent on that child- the nearly 2 year old is still carried in parking lots etc, but walks around the house. My oldest was carried until she was about 3 and well beyond that in parking lots (absolutely NO impulse control).

[kcstar]

Does anyone else still wake up to make sure their toddler is breathing?

-- I still do this for my 34-month-old.

Also, does anyone else follow their younger toddler around on the playground?

-- We still do this, usually, for our 34-month-old. I had one trip recently where I did let him go up and walk the walkway between two slides without being right beside him... but I tracked where he was from the ground the whole time. And that's a recent development.

And this isn't related to my anxiety issues but I'm curious, when do you stop carrying your kid most of the time?

--
1) It depends on your parenting style. When I read Dr. Sears' Attachment Parenting book, it sounded like even 2-year-olds still like to be worn some of the time, especially when they're having a bad day.
2) It depends on the situation, distance we're walking, etc. I started really encouraging him to walk distances with us as his stride and balance improved, and he became less "toddly" and more "run around, climb on things". But all those developments also happened about the time he got better at listening to us and keeping track of where we were / our signals for staying nearby vs. letting him roam. Somewhere around 2.5 years old is about where I think we quit using his teddy bear leash for walking.

I haven't generally worn DS. I think at 34 mos I carry him about 10-25% of the time.

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by EzzysMom

Hmm the breathing thing sounds a little extreme. I might try to relax on that. I can turn my baby monitor up high enough to hear her breathing even, can you start with that? Also she sleeps right next to us so I guess maybe I'm fairly aware without actively checking.

Following the toddler around the playground at 17 months? yes. Carrying toddler frequently? yes, the toddler will want down eventually. So long as you're not carrying him all the time so his walking skills won't improve. My daughter now wants to walk most of the time, except when it's inconvenient. :P

Well, my 15 mo dd still nurses so much at night, I don't need to check! She's very independent, so walks herself mostly. Very careful in parking lots, etc. If she won't hold hands, she gets carried. If I'm going someplace really crowded, I tuck her into the ergo and she seems pretty content.

As for playgrounds, if dd is just exploring, then I don't follow her closely. If she starts to climb up steps (following her sister, usually) then I'm right behind her. Also have to make sure she doesn't run/walk in front of swings, because she hasn't figured out yet that it's a bad idea.

If I'm up for dd2, I always check on dd1 (5-1/2) not so much to see if she's breathing, but to make sure she's warm and dry (she's only wet the bed once or twice, but still).

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by claras_mom

Well, my 15 mo dd still nurses so much at night, I don't need to check!

I think that's part of my problem, I got so used to him waking up every 45-90 mins that now that he's finally sleeping better (since about 14-15mos), I wake up anxious because he hasn't woken to nurse in 5 hours!! I haven't adjusted to him sleeping long stretches still.

Thanks everyone for your feedback, it sounds like I'm not too over the top I am terrified of passing my anxiety issues on to him so I'm trying really hard to keep it all in check!