HELP!!! I am losing my mind over the decision to do preschool or not.

[ThisCat]

I got a message yesterday afternoon from one of the two preschools we applied to earlier this year saying they have a spot for my four and half year old daughter and that I need to call back ASAP because they need to move to the next person on the wait list if I'm not interested. I was surprised by the call because honestly I didn't think we would get into either school because I applied so late because I was hemming and hawing over whether I wanted her to go at all.

The school that called is our second choice school for various reasons. It's year round, the end time is a little late and runs into toddler nap, it's a bit farther away, and we don't know anyone who has sent their kids there. It does have a solid reputation though, and is a good school.

Anyway, I know this sounds melodramatic, but I have been sick ever since I got the message. I need to call them back and I just don't know what to do. And again I know this is nuts, but I feel like if I make the wrong decision I am going to ruin her life. But I don't want her to go, not there or not anywhere.

I had resigned myself to the fact that she would be home this last year before kindy, and I was looking forward to it. But I feel stupid for turning down this opportunity. What if it would be great for her? I know she would want to go, but I also think I could keep her happy at home till kindy. Maybe I should see if we get into the other school? But really the chances are slim. Would it be so terrible if she went from being home with me and baby bro straight into kindy? Would she struggle to fit in? I've already signed her up for soccer in the fall and was planning on signing her up for more stuff and doing playdates and all that good stuff. My head is spinning.

Talk me down mamas because I've gotten myself worked into a state over this.

[LuckyMommaToo]

If you don't want to send her, then don't. Is it five days a week? Seriously, she'll be fine. Enjoy her for one more year!
-e

[ThisCat]

Originally Posted by LuckyMommaToo

If you don't want to send her, then don't. Is it five days a week? Seriously, she'll be fine. Enjoy her for one more year!
-e

She didn't say in the message how many days the spot is for. On the app I put T/TH as my first choice, M/W/F as my second, and M-F as my third.

I know it's silly for me to be making such a big deal out of this, but there is just so much pressure here to send kids to preschool, and I'm really doubting myself for wanting to keep her home.

[claras_mom]

Call back and ask for clarification as to the days. That's step one. They should have told you in the message.

If your daughter is 4-1/2, then she's old enough to have a voice in this. Does she think it would be fun to go? [sorry: reread the OP, and she does think it would be fun] If she hasn't visited the school with you, you might be able to buy some time by telling them you'd like your daughter to visit for a couple of hours. In my experience with this, they won't say no.

If it is part-time--two or three days a week--I think you should go for it. She'll probably have a lot of fun, gain some new experiences and friends, and be a little more ready for kindergarten, in terms of being out of the house away from you. Oh, and preschool is a lot more flexible than "regular" school with regard to taking time away--for the 2 month summer program for dd1, for example, we'll be gone for two weeks and I'd feel no compunction at all about keeping her home a day if she wanted.

Dd1 started preK at 4-1/2 ( a year ago, almost). She's had a wonderful time and learned a lot and made a lot of good friends. It's a little different situation because she'd been in another daycare (I work outside the home), but really I think I stressed more over the transition than she did!

And you won't ruin her life, whatever decision you make. It really is just pre-school.

[LuckyMommaToo]

Well, to be honest, if she's going to kindy and you have the option to do T-Th, I'd probably do it. But then, my kids DO go to preschool (although I fully admit that it's more for MY sake than b/c I think they really "need" it. It's play-based.)

Listen, in the end, this is REALLY not going to be that pivotal. Really. If you have other activities/social things going on for her, and you'd rather keep her at home, do it. You're the mom and you get to choose!
-e

[Hoopin' Mama]

My son loved preschool at that age!! I'm excited for him that he will taking the skills he learned from that school into kindergarten. They really helped him use his "strong voice" and be heard in a large group of kids. He is an only child and I think it was really helpful for him to learn conflict resolution in kind and gentle ways.

But every child will get something different. Don't feel guilty if you decide not to do it.

Good luck!

[lyterae]

We are doing preschool this upcoming year (my dd will also be about 4.5), she will go M-W-F for a half-day. My dd is in daycare full time right now (I am a WOHM), she has been asking since last year to start preschool but we didn't feel it was neccesary to have two years of preschool before Kindergarten.

[newbymom05]

My 4.5 y/o went to half-day preschool 3x a week and loved it. He had a tough time the first week or so, but now asks to go back. I stressed and stressed about the preschool decision and waited until 4.5 to do it, but now w/ #2 I think I'll start him even sooner at 4. DS really enjoyed the friends and activities, and it's made him very excited to start kindy.

[mom2grrls]

Would it be so terrible if she went from being home with me and baby bro straight into kindy? Would she struggle to fit in? >>>>>

No it wouldn't I have 3 kids and none of them went to preschool, just started in K and they are all fine. I think this "push" to have them with friends, peers, fitting in, etc is really overblown

[EMsMom06]

Hi, first post
My daughter is starting Preschool next month and we're pretty excited about it. She's excited to get to play with other kids and to learn. She's going to a very small private school so I don't feel as if she'll just be ignored like some children are in larger schools. I'm nervous to send her off, but she's got to start some time and she's been asking when she gets to go to school for about 2 years. She'll be going M-F from 8am-2:45pm with after school care if it's needed. I'm worried that til she gets used to it, it will be a rough transition to be gone all day 5 days a week, but I really think it'll be good for both of us.

If you don't feel ready or don't feel as if your child is ready, by all means, keep them home an extra year.

[Rafman'sMama]

Oh Mama, you should do what you feel best. I would certainly visit the school for a few hours - maybe even leave for an hour or so - and see how you feel about it. I can tell you from personal experience that although it feels so hard to make this decision, as long as the school is a good fit, she will probably love it. I probably anguished more over my sons first day at preschool than he did!

Having said that, it won't make her or break her either way, so take a deep breath and know that both decisions are good ones, you just have to choose the best one! It sounds like to have the privelige of making this decision purely by preference (sometimes these are the hardest choices, though!), so don't stress too much. BTW, I wouldn't wait on the other school. I think you need to decide whether or not to send your little one to school, not which one to send her to.

I think preschool was the right choice for my son. It benefited both him and myself, but each child is unique.

[ThisCat]

Thanks everyone for being rational for me. All the replies really helped. I have no idea why this locked me up so hard. I had so much to do today too but ended up fretting over this entirely too much.

But ultimately I decided to let the spot go the next person on the wait list. I'm trying to listen to my gut more because when I don't, I always end up kicking myself. But the lady was really nice which made me feel a little bit like I made a mistake. I have no idea why I can't settle comfortably on one side or the other on this. I feel like a moron (is it against the UA to call yourself a moron? )

Anyway, I guess I'm going to need to get myself together in case the other place calls. I swear I can see me in the exact same boat again if that were to happen. If you see me again here asking the same questions, feel free to .

But for now, I'm just relieved a decision has been made. I'm going back to making plans for fun classes for this school year as well as looking into some interesting week long morning camps for next summer to get her used to being away from me for a few hours.

Thanks again!

[D_McG]

I would not send a child to K without some preschool. I wanted my son to learn to take direction from people other than me, learn the rhythm of a classroom, etc. it's made a huge difference to him. He really opened up and got more confidence. Most every teacher I know says you can tell the difference between those who went to preschool/daycare and those who did not and that the latter group is at a disadvantage.

I did two, half days at age 3 and will do 3 half days next year (age 4) and then K here is half day.

That being said, all kids will adjust eventually. It's probably not that big a deal!

[ThisCat]

That being said, all kids will adjust eventually.

I agree. From everything I've heard, most of the kids who have issues adjusting at the beginning of the year catch up pretty quick.

Anyway, my daughter is very extroverted and confident, and she's a rule follower, so I think she'll do pretty well. She'll also have plenty of opportunities to learn to take direction form others in the activities and classes she'll be involved in this year.

What I'm most concerned about with kindy is that it's full day here, and from what I've heard from other parents I know, that's the hardest adjustment for kids. It's a long day for everyone, even those that have been to half-day preschool. I just can't imagine that in just over one year she is going to be at school from 7:50am to 2:30pm.

Anyway, I'm actually really excited about keeping her home again. I figured out this weekend that I was PMSing last week when I originally posted which intensifies things sometimes.

[meemee]

let me tell you ps is not 'good' for every kid.

it wasnt for my kid.

i was working ft so she had to go to a ft dc/ps (though she mostly missed the ps part).

ps spoilt K for her. mind you she is a very social and perceptive child. she didnt start dc till she was 2 and the director thought coz dd fit in so well and seemed to understand the flow and what to do that she had been in dc since birth. so i was sure she would have fit into K fine.

but she thought school was a continuation of ps. she was really excited to begin K. by the 3rd day she wanted me to take her out of K and send her back to ps.

mama what kind of a school have you sent me to. they dont any fun things. where is the art? how come we dont get to do any science projects? we are not even allowed to run (not allowed to run because most of the K playground was the climbing structure).

even today waiting to start 3rd grade my dd often wishes she could go back to her ps days (it was a playbased non academic ps).

[reezley]

Glad you're feeling better about your decision. If you need something midyear, look then, maybe something will open up. If you want her to have some out-of-the-house activity, there may be some classes (where we are the children's museum offers classes, local Audubon society, all kinds of places), it doesn't have to be preschool, you probably don't need to depend on these two schools! Some summer camp before K is surely enough to get used to the rhythms and schedules of schools, if you feel she needs it then. Don't fret it, you can always adjust things later if necessary.

[beanma]

Hi ThisCat, saw this in new posts.

From your description of your daughter I think she'll probably do fine with K in CH (I'm here, too). For my dds we did do part time preschool (3 mornings a week) because I knew they'd have some separation anxiety issues to work through and I didn't want them to have to deal with that on top of all day K. It did help us, but I don't think it's necessary for every kid. It sounds like you have the type of kid who can adjust pretty easily to a school situation unlike my dd1, esp, who is NOT a rule follower and had severe separation anxiety. My dd2 had some sep anxiety at first, but it mellowed out pretty quickly and the teachers were responsive to it. She has just finished up K and she absolutely thrived and absolutely loved it. They aren't in CHC schools (entirely because of dd1's issues), but I think dd2 would do fine in CHC schools. Dd1 I'm still not so sure about, but she's a unique case.

I think if you want to keep your dd home this year, with her extroverted personality it sounds like it could be a sweet special last year with mom before she goes off to school.

I agree with the PP that you could look for something midyear if you find yourself reconsidering. People move and there are openings that pop up.

hth

[zinemama]

You could always send her (if the other school calls) and withdraw her if it doesn't work out for some reason.

[ThisCat]

***

[NiteNicole]

I'm not sending mine to preschool. I'm not ready. She's social and I think she'd like a half day program, but there are only full day programs in my area and I don't think any four year old "needs" full day preschool. I don't think they're horrible if that's what other people want to do with their kids, but come on. FOUR? Preschool didn't even exist all that long ago and now they'll be 'lost' if they don't go? I'm not buying it.

The idea that my daughter would start full time school NEXT MONTH is just more than I am ready for. She's still little and I'm just not ready to hand her off to someone else for the majority of her waking hours. Aside from that, we have some special circumstances but honestly, they are just the reasons I give other people (though they are compelling in and of themselves).

My daughter is bright, she's friendly, she loves other kids and takes direction well. She's in some activities apart from me that involve learning, memorizing, taking turns, waiting, sitting and listening, etc. I do plenty of activities with her and I have no doubt she'll have covered the "academics" of preschool (if she hasn't already). It's just not necessary for our family.