Financial freak out

[Phoenix~Mama]

I hate money... or lack therof? UGH!! I really want to cry. Like seriously... I feel sick and I'm pissed off at what the governement expects you to be able to live on.

I have been racking my brain on how in the world I'm going to afford child care once DS gets here.

I had looked up the income guidelines for child care aide, hoping that once my little family bumped up to three, I'd qualify. I'd qualify only if I wasn't receiving child support... my salary has me in bracket, but what I receive in CS will bump me over.

Which I'm finding amusing because I've been calling around to daycare centers, and even for part time care for my two LO's, I'm easily looking at a minimum of $280 A WEEK!!!!

And come the fall my LO's may have to be in full time care because my Mom wants to bid on a first shift job, making her unavailable for morning care. Which puts me looking at $500 A WEEK minimum!! Which is more than I bring home!!!

I only bring home $480/week. After other bills are paid, even at the lower amount of $280, I do not have enough money to stretch to cover food... and this is with paying not much rent as I'm living with my parents!!

WTH?

STBX is only paying $80/week...

I have no idea how I'm going to survive once DS gets here. I feel like such a freakin failure.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Um, WHo is telling you 500 a week for Two kids in daycare? I live in NY, and i have been paying 325 since DS2 arrived. They are there M-F. 500 a week is just ridiculous.

I know this doesnt help, but 325 and 500 is 750 a month difference!

And you are NOT a failure, you are ONE STRONG MAMA!

[Phoenix~Mama]

Centers range $200/week - $250/week per child per week. Thus, $400 - $500/week for two LO's at full time.

I have asked several places now about sliding fees based on income, or discounts having more than one child there... no go.

The home daycares are not much less, $20/week tops less... and I'm leaning more towards center care right now so DD can get into more learning activities and with more kids in her age group, and I'd rather keep her and DS at one place.

Also, with a center vs homecare I don't have to worry about losing more time due to canceling on the child care providers half. I have lost more vacation time this year due to my babysitter's kids beings sick, or herself than for my own or DD's call outs. Not to mention she has 3 week long vacations coming up over the next 9 months. And none of it falls over my maternity leave, of course, so I'm scrambling to find back-up/alternate care to begin with.

I simply don't have enough PTO to stay with a home care option that doesn't have back-up care provided.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

wow, I am so sorry the daycares in your area arent more, flexible. I got lucky with my place, I will admit. The fact that I know three of the girls (They were there when my sister went there 15 years ago) and one of them lives accross the street from me. They also did the "discount" for more then one child attending. (But still, full price is 185 a week for infants, 175 for toddlers, 165 for preschoolers) I can't believe there isnt one place in your area that wouldnt have some sort of Family discount? You are not the only single mama on the planet with two little ones. They just bleeding all you ladies dry? SHEESH!

Is it just me, or is PA just totally sucky in the financial assistance department? Or just very rigid? Cuz I am willing to bet here in NY, if I were a single mama, I would be getting assitance even if my husband was paying CS. ANd I make pretty good money. Maybe Im wrong, but I just cant believe there isnt anything or anyone that can help you.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Yuck yuck yuck. I have no advice at all. Although I'm a little surprised at the home daycare prices. I live in an area with really high daycare prices - centers run $1200/mo for full time. But I've always used licensed home providers and the most I paid was $185/week for full time. Although I completely understand preferring the center for flexibility. Until I switched DS to preschool, I spent most of my vacation time on my daycare provider's vacation schedule.

In this situation though, it might be worth looking more into a home provider. If you were still considering a roommate for your rental house, would it be worth it financially to barter a bit for nanny care with another single mom?

I do totally understand...the price of childcare is why DS is an only.

Oh, and STBX will be paying more once baby#2 arrives. $80/week is pretty light though - does that include your DD's current daycare costs and insurance premiums? And remember, when baby#2 gets here, he'll be responsible for his share of the increased child care costs. I believe in budgeting for no child support just in case...but as long as he's employed, he is financially responsible for his children. Don't let him bargain that away!

[pinksprklybarefoot]

Do you have YMCA daycares in your area? Around here they have sliding scales and the program is pretty easy to get into. DSD was in that program when she was little.

How on earth is STBX paying so little? Around here, daycare support is calculated separately from CS, and the amount paid for CS really isn't taken into account because someone has to pay it. They really just do a formula based on your respective incomes.

[Phoenix~Mama]

I think PA is really rigid and sucky. I explained my situation to several people and they all sympathize and just keep saying, "we're sorry those are the state guidelines, we don't make the rules. I agree it's ridiculous, and I wish I could help."



Though I found more stuff on the PA site that eludes to the fact that STBX may have to pay daycare costs IN ADDITION to child support. If that's the case, he's in for quite a wake-up call and will have no choice but to look for a second job.

[RollerCoasterMama]

ps. I just saw the your current babysitter calls in sick a lot. Might be time for shopping around again. In 2.5 yrs and 2 different providers, I had 1 sick day to deal with -- the entire family had the stomach flu.

Not all providers do short term cancellations all the time.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by JSMa

Though I found more stuff on the PA site that eludes to the fact that STBX may have to pay daycare costs IN ADDITION to child support. If that's the case, he's in for quite a wake-up call and will have no choice but to look for a second job.

THIS!!! Child support is one thing. Child-care expenses are another. They don't have anything to do with each other. They just get deducted in a lump sum. In the MN calculator, they put child care and insurance premiums right in there! Then when childcare costs go away, you adjust things down, but the child support still stays in place (with cost of living increases every couple of years). That's how my state works it.

He NEEDS to pay for daycare.

[doubledutch]

how much of daycare would your stbx be ordered to pay through domestics? (in addition to cs) eta: lots of posts happened while i was typing this! so i see you are probably looking into it.

[RollerCoasterMama]

https://www.humanservices.state.pa.u..._overview.ascx

[lolar2]

Saw this in new posts-- first of all, I hope that's right about your STBX having to pay for BOTH childcare and child support. But second of all, in my area childcare costs about what you describe, and some families with multiple children seem to find it more cost-effective to do either a nanny share, or some kind of preschool/ sitter combination. I'm not 100% sure how you'd find that, maybe Craigslist? Or your current provider, or someone at your work, might know someone.

I think I've mentioned before, IRL I've known two couples who got divorced in Pennsylvania, and the divorce laws there sound absolutely bizarre to me. Hugs to you for dealing with it all.

[NolaRiordan]

Right child support is separate from child care costs. I believe out of pocket medical and child care ratios are based on income. So if you make roughly the same amount of money it would be 50-50.

[Avani]

He pays $320/mo for one kid in child support? How is that ridiculous? I think men should pay their share for sure but wow i would be so thankful for that amount for one kid. In my state my ex was ordered to pay $600 for 4 kids. Which is insane and which i do not get any at all. My other ex was ordered to pay $200/mo for one kid.

I am confused because you bring in around $2000 plus the $320 in child support and you live with your parents. That's a decent chunk of money. I would craigslist for a nanny or babysitter and offer a decent rate to a SAHM or a grandma or a college kid who is just looking for some extra income.

[New_Natural_Mom]

Since I suddenly had to look for new daycare this week, around here care for a 2 year old ranges from $201 (yucky place) to $274/wk. Infants is higher. We were paying the higher amount b/c DS *loves* that center and it was worth it to sacrifice other things, but the new center is about $250/wk. Yes, it is a lot. But the teachers also don't get paid a lot, so it is sad all around.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by Avani

He pays $320/mo for one kid in child support? How is that ridiculous? I think men should pay their share for sure but wow i would be so thankful for that amount for one kid. In my state my ex was ordered to pay $600 for 4 kids. Which is insane and which i do not get any at all. My other ex was ordered to pay $200/mo for one kid.

I am confused because you bring in around $2000 plus the $320 in child support and you live with your parents. That's a decent chunk of money. I would craigslist for a nanny or babysitter and offer a decent rate to a SAHM or a grandma or a college kid who is just looking for some extra income.

"Ridiculous" was only mentioned when she was talking about daycare rates. No one said $320 was ridiculous. As long as he gets to contribute to the childcare....if that's his share and they don't intend to factor in rising child care expenses, then it's pretty awful.

You got a royally raw deal for your kids. Esp about the not actually getting any of it. STBX was $10K in the hole from his first marriage when I met him. The first thing we did was start getting him caught up asap. (Yes, warning flags galore, I was dumb.)

My base CS isn't all that much more than JSMa is talking about, but it factors in his share of daycare and insurance premiums too so that nearly doubles it. I'm responsible for more than half of the expenses though because I make more. Totally valid on that point I think. Heck, until this year, STBX hasn't kept the same job for more than 3 months in 20 yrs...I budgeted for NO child support!!! It's a happy stroke of luck that he's finally in the military full time again!!! But I live with the knowledge that it could fall away at any time.

[Phoenix~Mama]

oooo!!! RollerCoasterMama!!! That calculator does show child care expenses IN ADDITION to support!!!!

Oh STBX's head is going to explode. I still don't know for sure how much help I'm going to get, as the calculator can't take into consideration multiple families.

In any event, I think I'd definitely get more if I take him through domestics than what I'm getting now.

I was going to wait to take him to domestics until after DS is born because I can't add him to the order until after I have has birth certificate and social card.

And I didn't feel like dealing with drama beforehand, as STBX's famous sentence to me is "you can't get blood from a stone, all you women think about is money, you can't expect to take me to the poor house."

I kept telling him we were living outside of our means and would show him the budget and tell him he needed to get a second job to help out. (I physically can't take on a second job) And he just kept on ignoring me and spending money.


Though I'm still worried because I read they absolutely can't take more than 50% of STBX's pay. And well... his support + his share of child care expenses comes close to that 50% and he still has to pay support to DSD... so I still don't think I'm going to get enough to help...

[violet_]

I have to say, I'm quite disgusted with the fact that your STBX pays only $80/week. My DH pays over a grand a month (plus all health insurance) *while unemployed* -- as in, we go further in debt every month -- oh, and they have no child care expenses, as they are in school and my MIL provides free after school care to them. I looked it up, and in your state, because of the disparity in income and her good salary, DH's ex would be paying him to offset health insurance costs, instead of us losing over a grand a month on top of things.

So why does your employed ex pay so little? That seems wrong. Hopefully there is either a separate funding for day care or it will go up when your baby is born.

Is the $80/week court-ordered? Or is this just what he came up with? Doesn't sound right to me at all.

[Selesai]

Originally Posted by RollerCoasterMama

And he CHOSE to get you pregnant without your consent...

Perhaps OT, but I have to call BS on this.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by Selesai

Perhaps OT, but I have to call BS on this.

Valid. It's an interpretation from other threads in PaP earlier this year. But I'll happily edit it out. -- I edited any references to this. If you'd like to delete the quote then it's gone from this thread. That whole situation made me very upset and I agree I shouldn't have brought it up. I apologize.