Financial freak out - Page 2

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by Selesai

Perhaps OT, but I have to call BS on this.

If you know her situation, and how she got pregnant, it really isnt BS.

[Avani]

Wow a grand a month. I'm in Cali and our judge went on minimum wage for our order. I had previous bank statements, tax records and a web search on his landscape company where he claimed $50k a year in sales. But he sided with ex saying he is living with mom and unemployed. So i am supposed to get $600/month for four kids and he is supposed to pay half of medical expenses. At this point i have gotten nothing and it's been a year since it was ordered. Now my ex is asking for child support to be eliminated because he entered into school. Still waiting on that hearing. Should be fun!

I would keep searching out your options. You haven't even had the baby yet and have a ways to go. You could always attempt mediation also.

[Ione]

Originally Posted by JSMa

Though I'm still worried because I read they absolutely can't take more than 50% of STBX's pay. And well... his support + his share of child care expenses comes close to that 50% and he still has to pay support to DSD... so I still don't think I'm going to get enough to help...

What is the amount of CS he is *court ordered* to pay for DSD? Not how much has he agreed outside the courts to pay DSD's mom, and not how much he actually pays her. Anything over and above the court ordered amount is considered a gift.

Because *the court ordered CS amount* is the number to take into account when it comes to garnishing up to 50% of his pay.

THEY can't take more than 50% of his pay, sure. But *he* can give away as much of his pay as he wants.

I'd bet my car that that's how domestics will see it.

Ask for guideline support for your two kids, and standard/guideline daycare expenses (50/50 or proportional split based on income or whatever), etc.

Do NOT agree to a reduction out of some kind of "well, domestics can't get it anyway" thing.

Then let the chips fall where they fall. Let the court decide if he objects (and he'd look really bad in court objecting to "guideline amounts").

Only after that, worry about your budget. Your mom might go after the day job, but there's no guarantee she'll get it. You might find a roommate who'd be willing to trade daycare in the AM for cheap rent.

You're not in the street. Living with your parents may suck in many ways, but you will have time to figure out all the budget stuff after LO is born and you go through domestics.

[Phoenix~Mama]

Hmm... I put in the calculator with just DD and my current daycare expenses, and it says he should be paying $537/month. Interesting...

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by JSMa

Hmm... I put in the calculator with just DD and my current daycare expenses, and it says he should be paying $537/month. Interesting...

I don't know how accurate this will be...but the MN calculator has a line for other child support obligations so you can see how it tweaks. If the basic support is the same as the PA one when you have just one child and no other CS mentioned, it might be safe to eyeball what another child support obligation would do to the bottom line. We have a similar rule about no more than 50% of income in a situation with more than one child support order, so it makes adjustments there.

http://childsupportcalculator.dhs.st...alculator.aspx
(You're Parent B--I forget every time and it confuses me. )

Keeping in mind that this is another state, but it might help give an idea of how things will work with limited income and another CS order out there.

Obviously, your lawyer will know best how things work in your state!!

[violet_]

Originally Posted by JSMa

Hmm... I put in the calculator with just DD and my current daycare expenses, and it says he should be paying $537/month. Interesting...

Then how is he paying only $80/week?

You need to fix this sooner rather than later. Sometimes the courts will fix things retroactively, but I doubt they will if you haven't started the process yet.

And Ione is right -- whatever extra gifts he gives his ex are so not your problem.

[Goodmom2008]

In NJ, childcare is added on to childsupport and garnished along with the child support. What is your state's policy on childcare? If it is an add-on, file for a modification so that the father is paying his portion. Also, when your baby is born you will need to file to modify child support so that the baby is now included which will increase the child support a little bit.

I do empathize with you about childcare costs. I was paying an average (for child support purposes, I took the full cost for the year to arrive at a monthly number, as the cost was not the same each month. Summer was higher than the school year) of $1,200 a month in childcare for a 4 year old in full-time daycare and a 6 yr old in the before and afterschool YMCA program during the school year. Even with both in school full-time now, my costs didn't go down that much.

[Goodmom2008]

Originally Posted by JSMa

Though I'm still worried because I read they absolutely can't take more than 50% of STBX's pay. And well... his support + his share of child care expenses comes close to that 50% and he still has to pay support to DSD... so I still don't think I'm going to get enough to help...

Actually, if he isn't married, the state can take out 60% with an additional 5%for the arrears for child support. If he were to remarry or have a minor child living with him, then it would be 50% with an additional 5% for arrears. Child support arrears don't go away, they won't collect them if you don't make a big deal about it after the child is emancipated but they don't go away. You can attach liens to any property of the NCP (you would need to go to court to do this) has so that the NCP can't sell it without first paying off the child support arrears. You may also be able to levy any bank accounts (except for a 401K, and I think that they should change that and allow the 401K to be tapped into for child support arrears). But by the time you are in a position to do this and he has given all of the account info at the time of the request, he will probably already have moved everything into a new account. So this may not be an avenue that you want to pursue. But is certainly something to discuss with an attorney.

And child support arrears can be garnished from Social Security. It is one of the few debts that can.

And if he doesn't pay all of the amount voluntarily if the order goes over the amount that can be garnished from his wages, then there's not much you can do other than to file contempt charges to get the additional % for arrears.

[cheer mom]

I would think (well check with lawyer) about going through domestic relations now so that you can get everything set up, especially since it can take a while to get an appointment--especially with a new case. I remember for a new case it took a few months, whereas I just filed for a review and it was scheduled for like 2 months later (which was way faster than when we started years ago).

[grisandole]

Originally Posted by Avani

Wow a grand a month. I'm in Cali and our judge went on minimum wage for our order. I had previous bank statements, tax records and a web search on his landscape company where he claimed $50k a year in sales. But he sided with ex saying he is living with mom and unemployed. So i am supposed to get $600/month for four kids and he is supposed to pay half of medical expenses. At this point i have gotten nothing and it's been a year since it was ordered. Now my ex is asking for child support to be eliminated because he entered into school. Still waiting on that hearing. Should be fun!

I would keep searching out your options. You haven't even had the baby yet and have a ways to go. You could always attempt mediation also.

I am also in CA and just got screwed. My ex makes over 80k/year and I make a bit below 30k. I get 345/month for one child.

[Katwoman]

What about you taking on a couple of kids in your home? That way you're home with your kids and you have money to live off of. I know your going to have a nb of your own. But a couple of 3/4/5 year olds perhaps.....

[lucysmom]

I second the above idea about doing in-home daycare for other kids. Make sure to check licensing requirements in your state if it is going to be more steady than occasional care for a friend's child/ren.

I found a wonderful occasional childcare provider here on MDC by posting about my quest for such an arrangement in Finding Your Tribe. If there are a critical mass of MDC members in your area, it may be a great way to match up with kids of like-minded parents.

[Phoenix~Mama]

I have thought about in home daycare before... but honestly, I came to the conclusion that I don't think I could handle it. I have fibromyalgia and I'm good with managing my own kids, but I know from days where I'd have DSD in my care all day, it was very hard on me as she would not listen and be very challenging. I'm sure not all kids would be like her... but, I'd be worried about commiting to be someone's full time care provider when my illness is very sporadic with flare ups.

I feel okay and I have accepted that there will be some days that I have to take it low key with my own kids, but I'd feel bad not being able to do activities with other kids some days when I am being paid to be there for them in that capacity.

Besides the fact that I'm living with my parents, and the house just is not that suited for in home care at the moment due to my and my kid's moving in, things are little more cramped.


As far as taking STBX to domestics now, vs later... it's a "roll the dice" kind of thing. I can't add DS until he is born and I have his birth certificate. So basically I'd have to pay twice in the matter of only months... I can't afford that, so it makes more financial sense to just wait until DS is born go once for both kids.

[MariesMama]

JSMa, why would you have to pay to go to domestics?

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by MariesMama

JSMa, why would you have to pay to go to domestics?

Make your ex pay. He's the one that won't cough up the money without you taking him to court. And, court fees should at the very least be split evenly between you. AND - you won't see a judge right away - asl your lawyer if there is a way to file something, and then not get anything finalized until after the new babe is here. Remember, this process IS NOT fast - more often than not its very very slow.

[Phoenix~Mama]

Originally Posted by thyra

Make your ex pay. He's the one that won't cough up the money without you taking him to court. And, court fees should at the very least be split evenly between you. AND - you won't see a judge right away - asl your lawyer if there is a way to file something, and then not get anything finalized until after the new babe is here. Remember, this process IS NOT fast - more often than not its very very slow.

I have talked to my lawyer about it... and here, when/if things are going to be contested they handle it all together. She gave me an estimate of when it'd hit court which would be September/October time frame. If it's October, um, the idea of going to court while 9 months pregnant does not appeal to me.

And then we'd have to go back again once DS is born and I have the birth certificate, etc. She said the most she could probably do if I decide to file things now is she could get the courts to waive the additional filing fees and add DS as a modification to the original order.

She said it's really my call, but general timeline for court is 4-6 weeks out from time you get the ball rolling.

I really don't want to take the chance of going to court right around my due date and then having to still be dealing with it again a month after DS is born... I'd rather try to wait and do it all at once.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by JSMa

I have talked to my lawyer about it... and here, when/if things are going to be contested they handle it all together. She gave me an estimate of when it'd hit court which would be September/October time frame. If it's October, um, the idea of going to court while 9 months pregnant does not appeal to me.

And then we'd have to go back again once DS is born and I have the birth certificate, etc. She said the most she could probably do if I decide to file things now is she could get the courts to waive the additional filing fees and add DS as a modification to the original order.

She said it's really my call, but general timeline for court is 4-6 weeks out from time you get the ball rolling.

I really don't want to take the chance of going to court right around my due date and then having to still be dealing with it again a month after DS is born... I'd rather try to wait and do it all at once.

If its only 4-6 weeks from the time you file, then why would it take 9-13 weeks for you to resolve things if you filed now? It's 9 weeks until we're in September right now, and 13 till the beginning of October. And, going to court 9 months pregnant isn't the worst thing in the world - going the week after delivery would have been my own personal he!!.

I know you want to do things so that they fall "conveniently" for you - but convenience really doesn't work when you are in court. If you wait till after your new baby is born to do anything, you'll be in the holiday season and things move much slower then. What happens when you are waiting for a court date and you can't afford to buy groceries b/c you waited? Court is no fun - I know that firsthand, but if you need child support you need to deal with it sooner rather than later.

Anyway, you could probably ask for a continuance if the court date comes up when you're 9mos pregnant - courts REALLY like to be efficient, so if you are going to be in court twice for something they could handle in one appearance if they wait a month, the judge just might go for it.