Worst night ever. I scared myself.

[red and lulu]

Dd (11 mo) didn't nap yesterday afternoon. So when she started showing sleepy signs by 6 I laid down with her. She nursed and fell quickly to sleep, but stayed latched on. But 10 minutes later she was up. She continued to nurse and writhe around and cry for 4 hours. By 10:00 I was in tears -- I have a bulged disc and impinged nerve in my back and so am very uncomfortable. And my boobs felt raw from the marathon nursing. And I was just so frustrated that I couldn't get her to sleep. I didn't know what was wrong. I gave her hyland's and camilia for her teeth. She didn't have a fever. I was just at such a loss. And I just couldn't nurse anymore. I felt like if she stayed latched on for another second I'd lose my mind. She wouldn't let me just hold her and rock, and I couldn't wear her b/c of my back. We were both just losing it. I put her in her crib and walked downstairs and called dp who was at work. I was sobbing, and the harder she cried the harder I cried. I didn't know what to do. I felt completley incapable of nurturing her, and so guilty and incompetent b/c of it. I was angry at her for being so restless and inconsolable, and I hate myself for feeling that way. She was in her crib for 5 minutes, though I'm sure it felt like an eternity to her too. We got back in the family bed and watched the muppets and cried some more. It was midnight before she fell asleep and she was up and down all night, crying.

I hate myself for getting so upset, for not being able to soothe her, for putting her in her crib and walking away when she doesn't understand what's going on and needed me. Thats the worst part I think-- she needed me and I just couldn't pull it together. And I'm afraid what happens now. I'm afraid I've traumatized her, and I'm afraid to have another night like that.....

[akind1]

I think sometimes babies just need to cry, and when DS is that way, I prefer him to cry in arms, even though it brings me to tears. He can be dry, not gassy, full, etc. I imagine she was just overtired, often this makes babies inconsolable and really hard to get to sleep.

but you know, putting her in the crib for 5 minutes while you walked away will not traumatize her either. I've had to do this with DS to use the bathroom or something. I hate it, but sometimes I need my hands in the bathroom. She knows you love her and were doing your best.

No one wants nights like this; but I think we have all had them. I am just thankful I have had only one or two; some parents deal with this all the time. Don't have any advice how to make it better, other than if she was just overtired, maybe trying to find a way to encourage at least one nap during the day (take a car ride, lay down and nurse for a little, whatever works for you) might help prevent the overtiredness.

HTH

[MujerMamaMismo]

That sounds just awful and could well be because of teeth or something else beyond your control. He may have just been overtired too.

Regardless, I don't think there's a mama around who hasn't had a night like that one. Leaving your LO is a safe place for 5 minutes while you went and gathered yourself back up will not have left him with lasting trauma.

Be gentle on yourself mama. This is the hardest job in the world.

[GoBecGo]

I think i had about 1 night a WEEK like that with my 1st DD! I'm mega impressed it's taken 11months for you to get to those feelings of desperation. I had to walk away because i literally feared i would shake her. I never did, i just feared i would. She is high needs, her baby sister is a comparative dream!

No advice, she's 4 now and we still have terrible nights sometimes. But you're not alone with the situation or the feelings it can cause.

[baglady]

Don't be hard on yourself. You were about to lose it. You put her in a safe place and gave yourself a much needed emotional break. Almost every mama has been there.

Sometimes they just cry. It's probably a combination of many things. I think sometimes LOs get really overstimulated from they day and don't know how to deal with it. Combine that with being overtired and it's a recipe for a bad night.

It sounds like you handled it well. No one is perfect.

[nick&jonmom]

Please forgive yourself, please don't beat yourself up over this.....I'd venture to say we've all had nights/days like this and moments where we feel like we are going to lose it...the good thing is that you didn't, you put her in a safe place and called someone to vent to. I know it feels icky to let your baby cry, but it is so much better then other alternatives, and her feeling your frustration and anger will not help the situation, taking a step back and having a breather will....
Hang in there!!!