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Postpartum Mama's! Weekly chat?!

post #1 of 70
Thread Starter 
How are you doing? How is the healing coming along, and your baby?

I don't mean for this chat to be exclusive, pregnant mama's welcome to this discussion too!!

Let's have a space to check in and chat postpartum stuff. Anyone interested?
post #2 of 70


Hope all's well Mamas and babies are nursing like champs!
post #3 of 70
Lurking in envy!

But also to hear about how all you lovely mamas and your new babes are doing!
Also dying to see some new squishy baby pics if anyone wants to share!
post #4 of 70


So funny how the ones who have time to post and lurk are those of us who are still waiting.
post #5 of 70
I'm 2 weeks PP. Breastfeeding is going awesome - milk came in on Day 2 (Holycrap Ow!!! I've been a 34A my whole life. Now I'm like a 40D? It's ridonkulous.) I think the babies are already having a growth spurt because the regularly cluster feed and empty one of not both sides. But even though it's been close, I haven't yet been out when one was hungry. *fingers crossed*

Squishy baby pics here for expat-mama.

PPD is pretty brutal. I cry at the drop of a hat - mostly from happiness, but also from being overwhelmed. I find visitors (in our tiny apartment that stay too long) overwhelming. DH is doing good playing doorkeeper but there's not much we can do about the grandparents. He's been taking the babies out on the porch for them. I feel badly - visits never bothered me before and I wish they didn't now - I want them to be able to spend as much time with the babies as they want. I just have like a negative threshold for anxiety.

How long does this last? Anyone know?
post #6 of 70
I am creeping up on 4 weeks pp and doing well now that we are home. I am exhausted beyond belief. This feed the baby, pump my milkers, wash the pump, have an hour to rest, repeat cycle is killing me!!! Last night DH took baby duty and I got to sleep a whole 7.5 hours straight! Oh, it was amazing but I woke up with some seriously over engorged boobies that were gushing everywhere. Let me tell ya, pumping engorged boobies is horribly painful but well worth it occasionally for sleep. Little Asher is doing amazingly well, my little man is a strong little fighter. He still sleeps all most all the time, we see his peepers for about 5 minutes at feeding time- then he is out- and for about 1 hour every other day or so. He is eating very well and at the Dr appointment last Monday he weighed 4.2 lbs so he is still gaining. I am *thinking* about going one day exclusively breastfeeding and doing a weight check to see if we can ditch the bottle for the most part. However, I have this strange anxiety about him starving or him backsliding. Its just so hard when he would just lay there and starve to death. We literally have to wake him for each feeding, he hardly cries and its never when he hasn't eaten. So, we will see if I work up the nerve to try a day at nursing exclusivly... if not this week, its happening soon. The kids are in LOVE with their little brother and are both thrilled to have him (and momma) home. DD and DS are constantly fighting over who is going to 'feed' the baby and hold him, its so cute but getting less cute as each day passes... they bicker about it nonstop. Oh, look at the time... pump time.

Kikibell~ I cried all.the.time after my little guy was born. I had never felt or cried like that before. It lasted about a week and a half for me. I don't think mine was PPD though. I think it was the emergency c-section, NICU, and not being with all my children paired with raging hormones that did it to me. I hope you get your house to yourself and your family soon. I am also hoping that these crying episodes pass quickly for you too, its miserable I know.
post #7 of 70
All is still well here. Still babymooning and falling crazy in love with my little girl. The only annoyance to report is criticism by my mainstream extended family about how I'm holding her "too much," etc. That gets so old. Is ignoring the best solution? Somehow I think so. Anyway, other than that junk, I'm happy as a clam. I knew my baby would be pretty and sweet, but I never dreamed she'd be THIS gorgeous, THIS charming, THIS amazing. I'm in deep, serious love.
post #8 of 70
Loving reading this thread! Can't wait to join!
post #9 of 70
Kikibell, I think your emotions are entirely normal. You are in a seriously vulnerable state right now and need the space to feel safe, protected, and to be with your babies without interruption if that's what feels best. No way would I allow myself to get overwhelmed with visitors just so grandparents so they can have their time with the babies. You and babies are the priority right now. Don't feel guilty for putting yourselves first. Grandparents can see them later, they'll still be babies in a week or two.

I personally felt great when I was in my own bedroom with the baby, like it was manageable, but even going outside to me felt overwhelming...the noises, and what people expected of me once I was "up." The best pp I ever had was when I spent a full 3 weeks in my room- it was winter so easier than summer but when I finally came out I was ready and didn't feel stressed or get breast infections like when I came out at a week or two.

Take it easy mamas! There's no hurry (hopefully) to get back to normal life! Life with a newborn isn't normal, it's an extra special circumstance.
post #10 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by mataji4 View Post
I personally felt great when I was in my own bedroom with the baby, like it was manageable, but even going outside to me felt overwhelming...the noises, and what people expected of me once I was "up." The best pp I ever had was when I spent a full 3 weeks in my room- it was winter so easier than summer but when I finally came out I was ready and didn't feel stressed or get breast infections like when I came out at a week or two.
I can so relate to this.
post #11 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by nervousnelle View Post
Still babymooning and falling crazy in love with my little girl. The only annoyance to report is criticism by my mainstream extended family about how I'm holding her "too much," etc. That gets so old. Is ignoring the best solution? Somehow I think so. Anyway, other than that junk, I'm happy as a clam. I knew my baby would be pretty and sweet, but I never dreamed she'd be THIS gorgeous, THIS charming, THIS amazing. I'm in deep, serious love.
Mmmmm sounds seriously delicious and yummy over at your house! Enjoy falling in love with your baby, it's such a beautiful gift to experience that bonding.

As for the family saying you hold her too much.... we have had that over here too. Sometimes I'll say something like, "If you imagine that she'll live 80 years (for arguments sake), these months/years that we hold her will only be a short speck of time on the whole timeline of her life. We are enjoying her now because when she grows bigger she will become too busy and not want to slow down and hug anymore." They often shaddap at this point because, well, they know it's true. I also have resorted to looking incredibly lovingly at my baby while cuddling her and she looking lovingly at me and saying to them in a similar fashion, "But she's so beautiful and it's so wonderful to hug her and we both love it. This time won't last forever." Again, that often gets them to clam up. Just sharing it in case it helps. I can't say they all agree with after or something, but the truth of the matter is, I started to care less and less as time went on...

This is the thing about parenting. We have to develop and trust our own intuition about what is right for us and our family.
post #12 of 70
4 days PP and physically feeling wonderful. I got some fabulous EMAB perineal herbs and haven't used them, which is kinda a bummer and kinda not. My midwife said I didn't look like I had had a baby. Milk came in day 2 and I got horribly engorged. I don't remember it being so painful with DS. I think I am an H cup now. bleh. Fingers crossed the bra I ordered fits. DD is nursing so well and I'm very happy. She has been having one big vomit a day, which freaks me out. I'm so afraid she will choke. DS did it too. I think she is getting too much milk? Or maybe air in there before hand? So, today I am going to burp her before a feed, too, to get any air out. So far it is working.

Emotionally, the water works have set it. I was a blubbering mess immediately with DS and stayed that way for awhile. This time around it started yesterday - day 3. We aren't "planning" any more children. So, I'm mourning that. I will never be pregnant again? Really? This body carried and nurtured two children to term (one loss) and it is just so amazing and beautiful to me. I am so proud and honored I was able to do that. But, I will never feel a child growing inside me again? I will never be big and round and beautiful, glowing in all my glory and pride again? I will never have another infant again? My! They grow SO quickly - no TOO quickly. How can I make this last longer? How can I soak up every second with this new baby and not make my DS feel abandoned or left out? And there's that. My DS. My baby. He suddenly isn't a baby. He's HUGE. How did he get SO HUGE? Seriously, 5 days ago he was a baby. Right? Is he okay? Does he feel left out?

And there's the love. Wow. How do you prepare for this? I love this new baby incredibly. I love seeing DS love her. And he does. So, so much. He is so good and sweet to her. She just stares at him. I know they will be wonderful together. Because that's how we are. We are strong. Our love runs deep. There is no shaking this family.

Visitors have been minimal and don't stay long. I really don't like people holding my baby. I feel like a hawk. My aunt and uncle came with their kids and it was just crazy. My DS and their DS are bffs and WILD. Running and screaming. Up and down the stairs. Oy. But, they brought food. Everyone is saying "I'll give you some time to settle and visit next week". Oh, a week is time to settle? No, no you will not be coming over. Stay away. I have stopped answering my phone unless it's my mom.
post #13 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by nervousnelle View Post
The only annoyance to report is criticism by my mainstream extended family about how I'm holding her "too much," etc. That gets so old. Is ignoring the best solution?
Just saw this. I got it too, from MIL. My baby was 2 DAYS old when she said this to me. I said, "Really? You can hold a TWO DAY OLD baby TOO much?" She just looked at me. The bottom line is this - This is YOUR baby. You can hold YOUR baby as much as YOU want. As long as you aren't going to other people's homes and asking THEM to hold her all day, what does it matter to them? Does your holding your baby affect them? Ignore it or tell them it's your baby, you can hold her all you want. Either way, it is really none of their bees wax. You hold that baby all you want!!
post #14 of 70
I'm reading about all you pp mamas with envy! Hope to join you soon........I think it will be a few weeks though. Glad to hear babies and moms are doing well. Best wishes to everyone.

Nelle........family's "advice" can be so frustrating. Your little girl is used to being held by you 24 hours a day so you snuggle that baby as much as you possibly can. That time where they are little goes by so fast. I remember my aunt telling me I should put my 3 week old daughter in another room and "just let her scream it out". Ummm.........no, she's hungry and upset, why would I leave her alone to scream in another room, I think I'll comfort my baby.
post #15 of 70
Thread Starter 
Hi Mamas!

Yes, I've been too tired to sit and actually think about what to say here! But I am reading along and thinking of each of you and your babes.

afm- I've made it through the first week blur! Wahoo! There has been a lot of precessing and releasing and falling madly in love and rebalancing the family structure. I think we're getting into a really lovely feeling groove now. DP has been absolutely fabulous catering to my every need. I've been in bed nearly all week with a short visit outside a couple of times.

Recovering from a third degree tear is no fun...but I guess that's the trade off for giving birth to a nearly 10 pounder in 45 minutes! The hardest part though is that we all got a cold baby included- sneezing and coughing ouch!! You just don't realize how much you use your perineum for everything you do. Baby was having a really hard time breathing at night so we literally haven't slept through the night here at all, just naps here and there, taking turns watching the baby. Sounds terribly hard, but really, we're in very good spirits and loving (nearly) every moment of it.

I'm still trying to let go of some of the things that didn't go as I wished for the birth. I had talked to my midwives alot about my desire (need) for a calm quiet birth and very importantly hands off. But given that things happened so quickly, the midwife came in and then set up and it was really noisy and there were lots of rational questions and discussion about where things were and dp needing to get things and so on. The second attendant who I think is a dud midwife overall, arrived and rang the doorbell even though the door was left wide open for her. Really? You expect someone to come in and greet you?!! Come on!! It really broke up my focus and I never really got to go to 'labour land' the way I dreamed of. Rational thoughts are the worst thing to disrupt natural birth. Bad midwives!! Very Bad! Tisk tisk!

More importantly, the midwives both felt the need to be near me for the birth, which basically made dp have to get out of the way. I felt this was super selfish of the midwives and I wanted to kick them out of the room. I did not want them, I needed dp close by. I wanted that bond and closeness and I really regret missing out on that. Also, the midwife kept telling me to push and that I was doing great and she kept her fingers inside my vagina, without ever asking permission to put them there in the first place. I wanted to tell her to eff off so badly!! She seriously cramped my style :P But I think she was concerned about me tearing and delivering a big baby in the pool. She kept asking me to change positions. All I could think was 'really women, if you want to do this your way then get pregnant and do it your way!!'

Anyways, I think I only felt all of this because I've done this before, and I've delivered lots of babies before and I felt really great about the progress and had no doubt in my mind that things were going just perfectly and I felt her nervousness clouding my space. I almost wish we would have waited until after the birth to call her, but I wanted to know there would be someone there in case of dystocia and a bleed. I keep questioning if I would have had such a bad tear if I listened to myself instead of giving in to the midwives demand to push. I was doinggreat breathing the baby out. She was descending, I could feel the tissues stretching, it was painfree...and then I gave in to the pushing to get the midwife to shut up, and also because she put doubt in my mind like maybe I should push. And that is when I felt there was too much pressure and felt the tear. Women, listen to yourselves!!

Then they cut the cord really quickly knowing that I wanted a semi lotus birth. We had discussed it before hand and I had told them that I wanted the cord intact but that I trusted them to do active management if it became ''necessary''. Well I knew that with this midwife, that was her carte blanche to overide my desire.

As I said, I am still processing and working on letting go. Nothing major, just did not happen as I had hoped and desired. But the birth overall was fantastic. Mostly pain free which was surprising. It was very quick and not too intense. I didn't at all feel overwhelmed by the speed of things. And I am thrilled we got to birth at home in the pool and that dd1 was calm and loving and happy and that dd2 is a healthy baby (despite the cold).

Visitors were another thing altogether. For whatever reason, my mom called every hour on the half hour for 6 hours straight the next morning starting at 7:30. WTH was she thinking?!! I never answered the phone because we were all desperate for sleep, including dd1 who went to bed around 2am. My dad showed up at 10am and just came in. I love him and it worked out since we handed off dd1 while we got showered and gathered outselves and had a moment to connect as mama and papa to this new babe. But geez people!

I know I sound grumpy. I am not. Just letting it all hang out here because I can't really do it in real life.

My baby is adorable and I love her so much. It is the most beautiful thing in the world to me to see my older girl hugging and kissing her 'baby sister' and telling her of her own volition that she loooooves her. Melts my big squshy mam heart. And although we didn't much feel it during the birth, dp and I really feel closer and more in love after this week of bonding together as a family. We've all been nesting together an I am so bursting with love.

I hope everyone is doing well with the emotional rollercoaster that is postpartum. Happy healing vibes to you and may your processing and becoming a mother be a good to you, it's a powerful transition!!
post #16 of 70
Thread Starter 
my goodness that was a loooong post!

Just wanted to add that I have a couple pics of babe in my album on here.
post #17 of 70
Mamakaikai - your little baby is so absolutely delicious! Are you planning to talk to your MW(s) about the birth and things that went against your desires? Understandably now may NOT be the time (errr you're kinda busy), and as you said, you are processing. But I was just wondering.

Tcooper and Mamakaikai - your love bubbles are sounding soooo heavenly!

About holding babies too much - I just remembered another one: I'd tell the person, "These days they're telling new mothers about the 4th trimester..." and then explain blah blah blah. They often go into a memory of their own experience and then I change the subject. You don't have to take it on!

Chase_mommy - I did the pumping around the clock thing with dd1 and nearly went around the bend with exhaustion and everything... and she was my firstborn! Can't imagine how you are doing it with other kids to care for. That's a lot of dedication. This is such a hard time but it sounds like you are soldiering on through it. I hear you on the two kids bickering all the time over the baby. My two do that with their 2 mo. old cousin. I can see that I'm really going to have to direct traffic over here and make sure they take turns and whatnot. On one hand you want to encourage their involvement and interaction to foster love and bonding ... OTOH as you said, it can get annoying! Any tips?????
post #18 of 70
Quote:
Originally Posted by tcooper View Post
I know they will be wonderful together. Because that's how we are. We are strong. Our love runs deep. There is no shaking this family.
OMG, so I haven't been that teary so far, but that got me! I love it.

Thanks for all the reassurance about holding her. I wish I had more AP family and friends. I'm starting to feel sickeningly aware of how detached and removed and abandoning our society is. It's disgusting really. Why in the world are we so scared to love profoundly? To hold and nurture and "indulge"? All of the "if I do this and this and that well, but I have not love, then I stink" quotes are making sense.

Okay, randomness.. has anyone else heard Raffi's song "Blessed Be"? If not you HAVE to buy it on iTunes. Right. Now. Go! It's so incredibly beautiful. So, so beautiful. "All I Really Need" is also pretty great. I'm on a serious Raffi kick.
post #19 of 70
Thank you mamakaikai for all the details and sharing about others not respecting boundaries during birth. My mantra is "don't ask me questions----I'll let you know when I need something", and I'm not even in labor yet! I need that space now to begin connecting with the process, and during labor everyone else needs to respect that space. I'm so sorry your midwives did not respect that.
post #20 of 70
nak

There's a lot I'd love to chat about here, but baby (still no official name, lol) does not let me put her down in any way or take my boob out of her mouth. eek. so little things like going to the bathroom are a chore, let alone much else. I'm really hoping she'll be a little easier when my milk comes all the way in. :\

I opted not to have my tear stitched so i was told bedrest for 3ish days, so i've taken up residency in bed thru early afternoon & on the couch thru nighttime. Honestly tho I feel better MUCH better now than i did PP after dd1.

I wish i could share more but that took me ages to type w/ 1 hand.
Hopefully i can share some pics soon.

Best wishes to all. wish i could respond more individually!
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