Ethics of job offer and pregnancy disclosure?

[LittleBattleAxe]

I was offered a contract earlier in the week for a job I really, really want. Two days later I learned (to my GREAT surprise) I am expecting a baby in the spring.

I haven't signed the contract yet. It's very early in the pregnancy and at my age (40 at time baby is born) I am not sure how likely the pregnancy is to stick.

I am supposed to go next week to return my contract.

I'm struggling with whether to disclose my pregnancy now, before signing the contract, or waiting until I'm out of the first trimester.

I want a longterm job with them, this is hopefully a place to really build my career; so my intent is not to leave them high and dry, but to take leave (which I won't qualify for since I haven't been there a year) and return after that. I tend to be very upfront about things and I don't want to be misleading. But to be honest, part of me thinks that if I disclose my pregnancy, they will say, "thanks but no thanks" even though I have the job offer in hand.

would you tell or wait?

[GuildJenn]

It's a tough one but I think I would turn in the contract. Go in and work as hard as humanly possible up 'til 12 weeks. And then tell them exactly what you said here - you are committed to a long-term career with them but you will be taking mat leave (whenever).

[Quinalla]

I would do the same as the PP. If you already had the job, you likely wouldn't tell them until 12 weeks anyway, right? So I think it is perfectly fair to all involved to wait until then and keeps them from being tempted to drop you for being pregnant which is illegal but easy to do since it is so hard to prove that is what they did. Until employers can really more fairly view pregnancy, it really is in your best interest to not say anything this early. So yeah, wait and tell them and express again how you want this to be a long term job and will work with them to make your maternity leave work with that in mind.

[MoOnFiReGlOw]

I completely agree with the other two posters. Chances are (and they should realize this as well) most women wouldn't realize they were pregnant until they were farther along. I would turn in the offer then after I was into the second trimester (I'd even wait till 15 or so weeks along) discuss it.

And congrats!

[MeepyCat]

I'm with all the ladies here. In addition, I'll point out that since it's not legal for them to discriminate on the basis of pregnancy, there is no requirement that you disclose a pregnancy. Go ahead, return the contract, and put off discussion about the issue until 15 weeks or so.

[lunarlady]

Sign the contract, turn it in, and wait until week 12 or even 15 to tell your work. You're not required to disclose, and their not allowed to discriminate, so why give that as a first impression? Let them see you working hard for awhile before you mention it, and be sure you know how long you intend to take off, since they will ask.

[AugustLia23]

Another vote for waiting until into the 2nd trimester. Some employers really don't care, but many do, illegal or not.

[ProtoLawyer]

At your point, I wouldn't disclose. (Congrats on the pregnancy, BTW.)

I have been disclosing over the phone/via e-mail to prospective employers when they've contacted me to follow up on an application (I haven't put anything in my cover letters, though), but that's because I'm 9 months pregnant, I couldn't start right away, and if I waddled into an interview, it would be the elephant in the room that would kill any chance I'd get the job. But if I wasn't showing or so close to my due date that there's a good chance I'd have to cancel an interview, I wouldn't be discussing it.

[eclipse]

I wouldn't disclose, either. It's a private medical condition. Since it's illegal for them to cancel the contract due to your pregnancy, it really wouldn't serve a purpose to tell them at this point.

[~ Wonderful Life ~]

I would not tell. You under no obligation to disclose something like that to them.

[goldfinches]

Well...
I actually faced this a few months ago. I decided to tell my future boss, and I don't think it affected his decision - he still hired me.

Consider the relationship you want to have after you have the baby. Do you think your boss will suspect that you knew and witheld the info just to get the job. Will it keep him from trusting you in the future?

BTW, my baby will be born only after I've been at the job for about 5 months, and I qualify for 12 weeks FMLA.

[Ruby2]

I was in the same position a year ago. I told for three reasons. One, I would not want to work for an employer who wouldn't hire someone because she's pregnant. It's very telling about the culture of the workplace if they discriminate and it certainly wouldn't get any better after you had a baby and needed flexibility and understanding. Two, I could never misrepresent myself by not telling. I would have been so burdened with the secret that I would have been very unhappy. And third, I didn't qualify for leave either and needed to make sure it would be provided.

When I told my future boss I had something to talk to him about before I accepted the job, he was so nervous! He actually said, "oh, that's all?" when I told him I was pregnant! It was such a huge relief for us both. I asked him to keep it between him, his supervisor, and human resources (I wanted the maternity leave in my contract), and it wasn't a problem at all.

[LittleBattleAxe]

I'm still waffling but I'm meeting the dean today. We'll see. What I think I am going to do it not tell (I haven't even told my children!) -- and then work my butt off, making thorough and goal-oriented lessons until the end of the year, so that any sub will just be able to walk in and start off where I left. The larger issue is that this is not an at-will contract so they may not hire me back - but, as I told my dh, if they really wouldn't hire me back for 2011 because of this, I should probably not be thinking about sticking with them long term anyway.

OTOH I could crumble like a soggy cookie and spill it all I'll keep you all posted, and btw, THANK YOU so much for giving me thoughts about this -- it really did help to read what others had to say.

[fireHC11]

So? What happened?

[KCMommy]

I am not sure what I would advise the OP. It is true that she doesn't have to, by law, but by ethics.. perhaps. The possibility of miscarriage does make the disclosure decision a bit more hazy, though. In any event, it is no worse than all the people who apply for jobs at our daycare claiming that they are committing for the long term when they are really just up for the summer and plan to go back to school in the fall after we've invested time training them, paid for their First Aid training, criminal record checks, and had the children become attached to them.

I've been pregnant too, so I have some sympathy for pregnant workers. But I got the feeling from some posters on this thread that a business is evil if it chooses not to hire someone who will be quitting or going on a 12 month mat leave in less than 9 months, and who will likely miss many days in the interim for appointments, illness, and will very likely not be able to carry out normal duties in the latter stages (like lifting heavy toddlers, pushing a 6 seater stroller, and playing very actively with a group of children). I had a pregnant worker last year (and I did hire her in the knowledge that she was pregnant) and was made to feel like an ogre if I asked her to do normal job tasks.

Jane Doe spent the last hour changing 3 diapers... but she's just tired, because she's pregnant.

Jane Doe left a group of children alone in a room to go on her lunch break without telling anyone... but her head is just cloudy because she's pregnant.

Jane Doe just showed up for work and proceeded to pull out her lunch and eat for 30 minutes on our time... but she needs to eat when she's hungry because she's pregnant.

I realize this was more of a problem with this particular employee than with her condition, but the fact of the pregnancy made it very difficult to hold her to normal standards or terminate her. I was just throwing $18.50/hour out the window and really don't have the profit margin to do that.

While I realize that not every pregnancy or pregnant person is the same, when an employer is reviewing 30 applicants for a position, if all other things are equal, I don't think it would be wrong for them to choose someone who is statistically more likely to be consistent and effective and available for the longer term.

- K

Lol, in reviewing this post I sound like a bitter bad boss hijacking the thread. But sometimes someone has to chime in for the employers.

[Ola_]

Originally Posted by KCMommy

But I got the feeling from some posters on this thread that a business is evil if it chooses not to hire someone who will be quitting or going on a 12 month mat leave in less than 9 months, and who will likely miss many days in the interim for appointments, illness, and will very likely not be able to carry out normal duties in the latter stages (like lifting heavy toddlers, pushing a 6 seater stroller, and playing very actively with a group of children).

Hmm, are they evil? I don't know. But isn't that discrimination, plain and simple?

[fireHC11]

Wow, sorry, that's the reason that moms are made to choose between their career and their family. There is a reason non-discrimination laws are in place: we're trying very very hard to level the playing field between men and women. One third of women leave the work force to have a family [1]. One third! And it's attitudes like yours, KCMommy, that make it difficult for many of us career moms to succeed --- because employers assume that we'll fail at being awesome at our jobs. We'll just get knocked up and stop working. I agree that your employee's attitude is also to blame. Jane Doe is paving the way for negativity towards career moms and pregnant women looking to maintain a job, plain and simple. As her employer you could have a talk with her. Tell her that she can eat, but she has to do it while doing her job. She can pee, but she has to tell someone she's leaving. When at work, her primary responsibility is to her job. If she finds that her body is becoming her primary focus, then she needs to take the time off.

Sorry if I came across sounding mean. I'm a woman in technology, and there are very few of us (10% women in my program). I had a friend drop out of grad school when she got pregnant. I feel like someone has to fight for us... and it won't be the men.

References:
[1] http://blogs.forbes.com/work-in-prog...lary-wage-gap/

[SouthernBette]

I'm coming a little late to this thread, but I just accepted a job for which I interviewed at 25 weeks. It is a community college gig that won't start until the end of August; I'll be 34 weeks along then. Believe it or not, I think I may have hidden my pregnancy at the interview--strategic dress and all belly--but I fear that they will hate me if I don't disclose, though the offer can't legally be rescinded. Before I sign the final contract, I'm talking to the dean about maternity negotiations, pumping considerations, possible classroom babywearing, etc., as I want everything on the table before my first day of work.

I know that education and experience considered, I was the most qualified person interviewed, thus I feel that I earned the job. I'm glad that my pregnancy was not the focus, as it just isn't fair. Babies are born every day, and the notion that pregnant women are the weak ones--just the opposite in fact--makes professional and intelligent women like me shudder.

I'm crossing my fingers that your situation, which doesn't seem nearly as dire as mine, will all work out. I think keeping quiet for now makes sense. Good luck and congratulations on the offer!

[Carita]

southern bette - congrats on the offer!

to the OP - i think i would wait until contract is in writing, then negotiate leave, and other things that are important etc. before signing. people think 6 weeks unpaid leave is a given, but its not for very small businesses, PT workers or workers less than a year. I think its wise not to disclose before then as it is so early in the pregnancy.

[hildare]

a similar thing happened to us.. i found out i was preggo right after I'd started. I'm 36, we thought it would take a while. My place of employment is pretty awesome, though. Everyone was very supportive. (I'm in academia, also)
I'd sign the contract and wait to announce the pregnancy.
Congratulations on the job and the babe!

oh, wait.. you already had your meeting! How did it go????