Dc very very afraid of this...need ideas on how to deal with it

[BRmama]

I have a 16 mo son transitioning into toddlerhood. This problem has been going on for a very long time and we were always told by everyone (including his dr.) that he'll get over this. Okay every time someone rings our doorbell or knocks on our door ds will frantically start running towards me screaming at the top of his lungs and crying at the same time. Dh and I have tried everything and he still gets this way everytime. When I pick him up it takes me a good two-three minutes to calm him down because his heart is pounding and he is breathing hard. Then he gets clingy. Has anyone been through this? If so please help. TIA

[Dukey25]

Is it just the door or is it all sudden noises? Maybe desensitize him to the sound by having him play with the door bell. Maybe you could play an elabroate game of peek-a-boo using the door bell. Ding dong - peek-a-boo its mommy/daddy baby?

[texmati]

My son is only 9 months and is deathly also of the door. I think it's because he associates it with the nanny coming and me leaving.

I always assumed that he would grow out of it-- in your shoes it sounds like your ds is really terrified-- can you tape the door bell, and leave the door unlocked when you know family is coming (so they can just walk in)

[happysmileylady]

Mrs

My little flips out when someone knocks on the door (our door bell is busted.) She is 19 months old and not quite that bad, but it does scare her and if someone isn't right there to comfort her immediately, she will start crying uncontrollably.

She has been getting better and I think the reason why is that when we know someone is on their way, we will wait for them at our front window. When we see them pull up, we wave, say "hi grandma" or whoever, and then as they are walking up to the front door, I point out the door, tell her to listen for them to knock, listen to the knock etc. She then knows that the person is coming in and the knock doesn't scare her.

People I am not expecting though, like stupid salesmen, that freaks her out still, when it catches her totally by surprise.

[BRmama]

Thank you all for the replies. The problem is that since we've moved (ironically to a much quieter neighborhood) we always get soliciters. At least one per day . Since I'm a sahm I get to deal with them, until we get the no soliciters sign up and a new door with the little hole to see who's at the door.

Anyway I don't think he's afraid of loud noises, just the front door because in our old house our doorbell was also busted and he acted the same way. Texmati this started around around the same time my son was your son's age.

Should we just buy louder toys that make noises? He really doesn't have any with lights and that makes noises, but if it helps at this point I'm willing to try anything. We're replacing our doorbell so the sound should be a little more gentle, and I'll start having my dh knock on the door when he gets home from work. My main concern is I don't want him to start acting like a panic attack everytime someone is at the door. I wonder why they act like that. Anyway thank you all again for the replies and anymore suggestions are very much appreciated.

[ladymeag]

We have a sign. The doorbell causes my dogs to bark, which makes the baby scream, which makes the dogs bark more, which causes louder screaming. A few people have ignored it and I open the door, dogs barking, child screaming and ask "Can I help you?" If it's not that important (I want to sell you some window cleaner, let me spray it all over your house; have you signed up for the newspaper yet; do you want to buy coupon books; do you know who this God guy is), I'll ask why they think I'll buy thier product when they can't do me the courtesy of reading the sign. If it's important (we need to cut off water to the street, just letting you know; your front lawn seems to be spewing water; aliens are coming), I'll thank them for the information but ask that "next time" they please follow the instructions on the sign (it says to wait on the porch, as we have full-wall front windows - I haven't left someone hanging out out there yet.)

Is your child verbal? Could you ask why it's scary once they calm down a bit?

[Mountaingirl79]

I would put a sign above the doorbell that says " No solicitors please"

That bugs the crap outta me too.

[CherryBomb]

Can you disabled the doorbell for now? Then maybe reattach and see how he reacts a few months from now?

[BRmama]

Thank you again for the replies. We are currently going to put a sign up, but I do like the idea of them waiting in the porch since we too have full front windows.

Well my son isn't that verbal yet. He understands a lot but we're a billingual family so I don't know how much he'd understand though I do reassure him and talk to him. I usually calm him down and speak to him in my language and dh speaks to him in English. As far as disabling the doorbell, that's a good idea until we get our new one. It has an annoying sound anyway lol.

Thanks again, it also bugs the crap out of me, and some of them are so persistent specially when I say no. Another reason to get the sign up and get a peephole asap lol.

[annettemarie]

Moving to the Toddler forum.

[reneethegirl]

I am a chronic lurker, but had to step in and ease your worries a little.
My now seven year old used to do this very thing, starting around 12 months old. It lasted until she was about three. She would act terrified as soon as she heard footsteps coming up the porch, crying, yelping, hiding, running away.
We didn't have a dog, she didn't associate the footfalls with any childcare (we were together literally 24/7) no one scary ever came.
It wasn't the noise that scared her, as someone going DOWN the stairs didn't elicit any fear. The closest I could come to an explanation was the anticipation of the door opening caused the fear.
She was absolutely not an anxious child otherwise. Her fears were only the footfall sound, and a scary windup toy.
One day, it stopped, and we had no further explanation. No amount of calming or attempts at deconditioning (repeated "pretend" visits from Daddy) ever worked, only time was a balm.
Anyhow, she's almost eight and answers the door happily! Chalk up your little one's fear to a weird quirk, and worry not, it will go away!

[BRmama]

Thank you reneethegirl, I'm hoping the same thing will happen for my son