Why does the fun always turn into hitting?

[swd12422]

DS is 2.5, but this has been going on for as long as I can remember, and it makes me so sad. I feel like I'm doing something wrong, but I have no idea what it is.

DS loves to wrestle, and be tickled, and asks for the "Mommy Monster" to attack him. I do, and I've learned over the months/years that there are certain things he DOES NOT like. I stop as soon as he starts to squeal, so it's not like I'm torturing him at all. The trouble is, our roughhousing always ends either b/c I end it when he seems to be losing enjoyment, or b/c he's having a GREAT time and slams me in the head. Hard. Even little moments of a quick hug and a tickle often end with him slapping, and it makes me so sad that we can't just have a fun moment together.

What the heck am I doing wrong?? Obviously, I'm not going to continue playing with him when he hits, and I feel guilty when I stop the play and he's begging for more, b/c I know what's coming if we continue.

[littlebabydoll]

I'm there with you with my 1.5 year old. It's a troubling problem. *hugs* I think they just do it when excited. My best advice is some that I don't know if it will work in the long term since I'm a first time mom myself.... but tell him some other thing he can do when he is excited. Maybe he could clap his hands, give a high five, or rustle your hair. Those are all still physical rough housing things to do but aren't hitting.

I've been doing this with my son a little and it helps at least redirect or distract him from hitting. Often when I say "no hitting" it just gets another slap on the head. Also, today after one of these accidental hits I asked him "What can you do after you hit someone and you feel bad". He gave me a kiss and hug! I felt pretty darn proud. We've been working on hitting a lot lately after a playground incident. He has been reenacting it out with his doll a lot. It kind of scares me that he is reinforcing the hitting, not trying to deter it. I guess time will tell?

We even got a book "hands are not for hitting". It's a good one!

[swd12422]

You know, I did that when he hit out of frustration. When DS was your son's age, and he hit, I'd tell him hitting hurts and if he wanted to hit, he could hit a pillow. We gave him a throw pillow we're not using, and that became his hitting pillow whenever he felt the urge. He picked it up pretty quickly, but the effect just wasn't the same so he went back to hitting us, himself, whoever.

But maybe that's what we need to do again, is say that we are playing, and if he wants to hit instead, he can hit a pillow, not us.

I dunno. That seems like it will help some, but it just makes me so sad that the fun has to stop that way. I guess it's less about the hitting and more about him taking the fun out of the fun, KWIM?