I feel bad about sending my 3yo to preschool!

[simplygreen]

I just enrolled our 3 yo. old in a montessori preschool two half days per week. I feel awful about it, but I'm at my breaking point as a stay at home mom and have another babe at home and no outside support except my DH (but we own our own business and he has to work 60hrs a week.) I'm on the fence because I feel like my ds would really like to be challenged and he would thrive in an outside environment with other kids, but part of me still wants him home! I'm so torn! What do I do?

[lach]

Why do you feel bad? I don't know any SAHMs whose kids don't go to preschool. I don't think I knew any kids of SAHMs who didn't go to preschool when I was a kid. Kids like preschool, make new friends, do activities, and you get a break. I'm not sure I see any downsides. What is there to feel bad about?

[ShwarmaQueen]

I don't send DD to preschool, but that's probably because I was a WOHM for many years and I feel like I missed a lot of her life.

If you're feeling bad, maybe try waiting another 6 months and then reassess.

[ElliesMomma]

don't feel bad.
i was going to wait until age 4 to send mine to preschool, but after having the new baby in september, found that i was relying more and more on TV with my daughter, so enrolled her in preschool in january.
best move i ever made.
it has been a *wonderful* experience for her. she loves it, loves her friends, loves her teachers. it was only 2.5 hours, twice a week. so not like she's moving off to college, just getting some wonderful experiences for 5 hours a week.
in september, she'll be in the 4 year old preschool classroom, same hours, three times a week.
as long as you've picked an excellent preschool, just ENJOY!!

[Tigerchild]

Stop beating yourself up.

SAHM does not mean Stay at Home Martyr.

If he doesn't enjoy it, you can always pull him out! There is nothing wrong with wanting or needing a break. It does not reflect on you or your love, and anyone (including you) who tries to make you feel bad about that is being a dork.

It is normal though, to have anxiety over change.

[ElliesMomma]

a couple of half days a week isn't really a break anyways... by the time you drive the child to and from preschool... especially when you are also lugging around a baby in and out of the carseats. when my daughter is in preschool i have time enough to nurse the baby down for his nap, unload the dishwasher, throw in a load of laundry, and maybe make myself a sandwitch or something, and then it's time to head back to get her just about.

if your situation is like mine (which it sounds pretty similar), you are doing it for the enrichment of your child, not to "catch a break."

[Tigerchild]

The OP mentioned being at the breaking point. While it can be a pain to do the drive (hopefully the preschool is not far away, ours was about 5 mins from the house), it IS pretty nice to have someone else direct the tireless energy of a three year old for awhile. (At least for my crowd anyway)

I had 2 year old twins in the house when my three year old went to preschool for the first time, so it wasn't like I got to swing naked from the chandelier and have a beer during my "break", but it WAS nice to have a different dynamic.

Though I agree, you can't expect too much from the time.

[poppan]

To me preschool is more for the child and (to me) it's an important part of them building independence and making friends and discovering new things. My kids really like going to preschool.

[artgoddess]

If he doesn't like it you can always pull him out of the school. I waited with my oldest until he was 4.5. Mostly because I had my second when he was 3.5 and I didn't want him to feel pushed out the door. After he started preschool at 4.5 I really wished I had sent him the year before. He loved it and did so well. My DD and I got some one on one time that was just fabulous.

[ThisCat]

If you need a little break and you think he would like it, why not do it? Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

That said, I don't think preschool is a necessity for kids. If it will add to your stress to be separated right now, then don't send him. There's always next year.

Just don't feel bad either way. Like someone told me in a thread a started yesterday about preschool indecision, "it really is just preschool." The kid will probably enjoy whatever you choose. Drop the guilt and do what you need to do.

[mumkimum]

I agree with the - you can always pull your ds out of preschool. Deciding, partly, to go with preschool because you're a little worn out isn't the worst of reasons to choose to go to preschool. With half days, your ds will still be home a lot too - more than it might feel like right now.

We sent dd to a montessori school that's 5 days a week. A lot to get used to, yes - for all of us, but we both really believe that montessori is really suited for her and thought really enjoy it too (which has seemed to be true after all ). Plus it was a good thing for her to have while I was pregnant and had the new baby during this past school year (since I had less energy for her some days).

[pearl2]

Listen, I put my 10-month old in a mother's morning out program and it has been absolutely fabulous. I do not and have never felt one iota of guilt. I am not sure why you are feeling guilty, but redirect that energy into ordering a ridiculously-named coffee beverage as you enjoy some sweet time with your other LO.

[BreatheMama]

Hi,
I am going against the popular reply here. I understand where you are coming from. I enrolled my dd 3 1/2 in a two morning a week program last fall. I had new baby dd in July 09' so I had the same thought, a little break right? Not for us! It was not a positive experience. First the whole getting out the door with newborn and dd was not fun and then you have to turn around 2 hours later and do it again. Sometimes waking the baby to go.

I know lots of preschools have good programs and with Montessori you may have even better experience, but we were really disappointed.

DD ended up a victim of bulling; little boy would spit on her and tease her. So I spent the whole day with her, baby dd in the Ergo! As soon as we got in the car dd said, "do I have to go back"? UM....NOOOOOO! Long story short, it was daycare!

For us, I can tend to my kidos, social, emotional, spiritual and intellectual development from home soooo much better and without all those negative influences I observed. (if your interested I can elaborate). Honestly, I'm keeping her home this year as well and strongly considering home schooling.... prior to the whole preschool thing, she had an awesome intrinsic drive to learn, at 3 1/2 she was early reading and writing letters etc... This was part of the reason I enrolled her, I thought it would be good for her. Frankly, she was bored and I think it was part of the reason she was teased. She never cried at the door or begged to not go, I think she wanted to like it and didn’t want to disappoint us; we had been so encouraging and excited for her to participate.

Anyways, sorry to go on and on. I would say go with your instincts; they are only little for a short time. Any other way to get a break, mother’s helper couple mornings? Good luck with your decision.

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by BreatheMama

Hi,
I am going against the popular reply here. I understand where you are coming from. I enrolled my dd 3 1/2 in a two morning a week program last fall. I had new baby dd in July 09' so I had the same thought, a little break right? Not for us! It was not a positive experience. First the whole getting out the door with newborn and dd was not fun and then you have to turn around 2 hours later and do it again. Sometimes waking the baby to go.

I know lots of preschools have good programs and with Montessori you may have even better experience, but we were really disappointed.

DD ended up a victim of bulling; little boy would spit on her and tease her. So I spent the whole day with her, baby dd in the Ergo! As soon as we got in the car dd said, "do I have to go back"? UM....NOOOOOO! Long story short, it was daycare!

For us, I can tend to my kidos, social, emotional, spiritual and intellectual development from home soooo much better and without all those negative influences I observed. (if your interested I can elaborate). Honestly, I'm keeping her home this year as well and strongly considering home schooling.... prior to the whole preschool thing, she had an awesome intrinsic drive to learn, at 3 1/2 she was early reading and writing letters etc... This was part of the reason I enrolled her, I thought it would be good for her. Frankly, she was bored and I think it was part of the reason she was teased. She never cried at the door or begged to not go, I think she wanted to like it and didn’t want to disappoint us; we had been so encouraging and excited for her to participate.

Anyways, sorry to go on and on. I would say go with your instincts; they are only little for a short time. Any other way to get a break, mother’s helper couple mornings? Good luck with your decision.

i'm sorry that was such a negative experience for your DD (and you). the getting out the door thing with a baby in tow IS tough and there is no way around it. that's why i say it's not much of a "break" for the mom.

the teasing situation/bulling, etc. is a whole other matter. that's really terrible that the teacher let that go on. i feel so very fortunate to have found a preschool where less than 20 kids have TWO dedicated full time teachers in the classrooms... and both teachers are mature women who have raised their own kids already and have been teaching at the preschool for, like, 20 or 30 years. they are right there in the mix with the kids, and they are right "on top of" any such behavior problems, which they address via redirection and if need be the offending child has to sit with them to work on a puzzle or some such thing and is separated from the offending situation if you know what i'm trying to describe. very "gentle discipline."

our preschool is definitely NOT daycare by any means. it is run in a church, although religion is not part of the curriculum. i would try to stay away from park district preschools and "Kindercare" types -- those seem to be more like "daycare" insofar as they enroll a lot more students per teacher.

[pearl2]

I'll chime in again...our program is in a little country church not far from our house. The other children were very sweet, and the whole program is just focused on play and having a good time. It was so affordable and only during the school year. I could choose which days I wanted to bring her or keep her home. It really, really saved my sanity. The woman who runs the program really loves those kids and HC loves her, too.

That's definitely horrid about the bullying. Did you ever talk to the director?

You can try out a program and see if it works for you, but seriously--no need to feel guilty. If it doesn't work out, then just take your LO and move on, but don't feel guilty!