Hubby isn't totally on board

[allisonrose]

My hubby is hesitant about homebirth. We had our first son in a hospital with a CNM - not an experience I want to repeat. We had our first appointment with our homebirth midwife and she had us sign a professional disclosure letter. My hubby had issues with the letter: it states that since we are birthing outside the hospital that the time delay to transfer could adversely affect my or the baby's health. It also goes on to point out since homebirth isn't the typical choice and that if something goes wrong, other people will judge us harshly.

Is this type of disclosure letter typical for midwives? I don't have a problem with it except that it's making my hubby skittish. I understand that no one can guarantee a perfect outcome even if OBs tend to act like they can.

[carriebft]

Our letter like this simply states that there are a few, rare circumstances that may be better handled in a hospital setting. Patients at risk for circumstances that will be better handled at the hospital will be "risked out" from homebirth.

Depending on the kind of midwife and the laws in your state, the midwife will have different equipment available to her. For example, my midwife is a CNM and, in my state, that means she has hospital back up, can carry medications, and she also has intubation training and equipment. So I think it is possible that that factors may affect the wording of the disclosure.

[dogmom327]

I think the key is to remember that the law deals with midwives more harshly and she is likely required (or maybe she just knows it's the right thing to do) that you truly give informed consent. OB's and even hospital-based CNM's simply don't in most cases. Imagine what a truly honest worse-case scenario informed consent would say if it was from an OB? Maybe about hospital policy requiring birthing a certain way which may in your situation cause physical stress to you and your baby potentially leading to major abdominal surgery which could lead to death for you and/or your baby?

Life has risks--we're just not used to seeing them written out for us.

Husbands can be tough to deal with on HB sometimes (I know mine was). Hang in there!

[SublimeBirthGirl]

It's as likely that something will go wrong in the hospital that could have been prevented at home. Actually, according to my definition of "wrong," that's a lot more likely. The fact is, if something happens at home, people will judge you. It doesn't even matter if what went wrong had nothing to do with birth place. Sheeple have a hard time looking outside what they consider normal, and it's something you have to be prepared for. Odds are, all will go well. No matter where you give birth, though, there's a chance something might go wrong. If you're in the hospital, you'll get sympathy. If you're at home, you'll get judged. It's not fair but it's just the way it is, and something you have to be ready to deal with.

[JamieFay]

Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl

It's as likely that something will go wrong in the hospital that could have been prevented at home. Actually, according to my definition of "wrong," that's a lot more likely. The fact is, if something happens at home, people will judge you. It doesn't even matter if what went wrong had nothing to do with birth place. Sheeple have a hard time looking outside what they consider normal, and it's something you have to be prepared for. Odds are, all will go well. No matter where you give birth, though, there's a chance something might go wrong. If you're in the hospital, you'll get sympathy. If you're at home, you'll get judged. It's not fair but it's just the way it is, and something you have to be ready to deal with.

::delurking::

My hubby is also very reluctant. Our midwife informed consent letter was very similar. It pretty much stated that if something went wrong we would be faced with harsh judgements and they ask that we support them in what they do by not passing on blame to them. In other words "we don't have insurance, please don't be pressured to sue if god forbid something happens and you are hearing the worst from everyone around you"
While I really wanted DH to be onboard for our homebirth 100%, he's not. Despite all the studies I've presented to him, he can't shake his "this is wierd" attitude. He hasn't forbid me, so I'm going forward with the support of my family and dragging him with me. I'm pretty sure he'll be singing praises for homebirth on the other side Good Luck!

[Mrs.Music]

My midwife's consent letter says:

* I understand that I am employing the services of a Licensed Midwife, who carries medications for the control of hemorrhage, shock and seizure, as well as oxygen for resuscitation. I understand that pain medication, narctotics, epidural anesthesia, vacuum extraction, forceps, blood transfusions and c-sections are NOT available at home or at the birth center, and that if I want or need any of these interventions, of should any emergency arise which requires the care of a physician, I will have to be transported to the hospital.

* I have chosen to give birth in an out-of-hospital setting. I understand that there are special responsibilities and risks that are attached to this decision. Although many potential problems can be foreseen and/or screened for, there are some complications that cannot be predicted in any setting. I understand that my choice of birth is contingent upon the normal and healthy progress of this pregnancy. I specifically acknowledge and assume the responsibility associated with giving birth at home or in the birth center.

About sums it up without being scary or negative, I think.

[thebeljur]

Originally Posted by dogmom327

Life has risks--we're just not used to seeing them written out for us.

That was really smart.