Hey mamas,
I'm 41+1 today with my super healthy little girl. She's looking good in there, finally head down, albeit, a bit more to the right than we'd like, but at last check was at -1 station, 70% effaced and 2cm dialated. I'm cramping and contracting lots, but not in labor. I'm doing daily acupuncture, EPO, RRL, sex, and walking.
But I'm on a clock...and, unfortunately, its a bed I made. I have to have this baby by Monday night or I lose my homebirth and have to transfer to a VBAC friendly doc in a hospital who will induce with a foley catheter. I chose this midwife knowing that she would have me on this clock, for reasons I do not fault her for(long story, but she was clear that she wouldn't fault me for taking my business elsewhere). It was between her and another one that would probably have gone to 43 weeks with me, but who just didn't feel right, we really didn't click. All other midwives in town were unavailable. DH is in no way comfortable with UC, and I just simply have to respect his decision as a dad on that. I am stuck here and have no one to blame.
I'm pulling out all the stops this weekend with midwife approved castor oil and the like, but am so scared and angry that I'm here. I just KNOW my body just needs a few more days and I can do this at home. I'm SO angry that the only reason I might not get my homebirth that I have worked my butt off for (controlled GD, weekly accupuncture and chiro from 20 weeks, untold small fortunes on supplements and herbs...walking my little tooshie off...not to mention untold hours of research), is a darn date on a calendar.
In this moment, I can't imagine being ok with "at least a vaginal birth in a hospital" or being able to say "I've done everything I can." I'm just mad. But I know, should Monday come and I have to go to the hospital that that mindset is not going to help me out at all. I need to be able to focus on getting her out now over the next couple of days while also wrapping my head around the hospital and being ok with that so I can have the best birth I can there. I need to drop the angry attitude and do what I need to do to have a good birth at this point, whereever that may end up being. We have a transfer birth plan, so that is good and at least done.
I know many of you have had to make sacrifices early on or even at the last minute of the birth you want. How do you get ok with it? I'm trying to turn to faith, a belief of "this is how its meant to happen," or, "there must be a reason for this," but that all seems so trite to me right now.
Any affirmations you have would be great!
TIA! and sorry so long!
I'm 41+1 today with my super healthy little girl. She's looking good in there, finally head down, albeit, a bit more to the right than we'd like, but at last check was at -1 station, 70% effaced and 2cm dialated. I'm cramping and contracting lots, but not in labor. I'm doing daily acupuncture, EPO, RRL, sex, and walking.
But I'm on a clock...and, unfortunately, its a bed I made. I have to have this baby by Monday night or I lose my homebirth and have to transfer to a VBAC friendly doc in a hospital who will induce with a foley catheter. I chose this midwife knowing that she would have me on this clock, for reasons I do not fault her for(long story, but she was clear that she wouldn't fault me for taking my business elsewhere). It was between her and another one that would probably have gone to 43 weeks with me, but who just didn't feel right, we really didn't click. All other midwives in town were unavailable. DH is in no way comfortable with UC, and I just simply have to respect his decision as a dad on that. I am stuck here and have no one to blame.
I'm pulling out all the stops this weekend with midwife approved castor oil and the like, but am so scared and angry that I'm here. I just KNOW my body just needs a few more days and I can do this at home. I'm SO angry that the only reason I might not get my homebirth that I have worked my butt off for (controlled GD, weekly accupuncture and chiro from 20 weeks, untold small fortunes on supplements and herbs...walking my little tooshie off...not to mention untold hours of research), is a darn date on a calendar.
In this moment, I can't imagine being ok with "at least a vaginal birth in a hospital" or being able to say "I've done everything I can." I'm just mad. But I know, should Monday come and I have to go to the hospital that that mindset is not going to help me out at all. I need to be able to focus on getting her out now over the next couple of days while also wrapping my head around the hospital and being ok with that so I can have the best birth I can there. I need to drop the angry attitude and do what I need to do to have a good birth at this point, whereever that may end up being. We have a transfer birth plan, so that is good and at least done.
I know many of you have had to make sacrifices early on or even at the last minute of the birth you want. How do you get ok with it? I'm trying to turn to faith, a belief of "this is how its meant to happen," or, "there must be a reason for this," but that all seems so trite to me right now.
Any affirmations you have would be great!
TIA! and sorry so long!
Wishing you luck.
Mama
