I've been served. On a holiday weekend of all things. Wonderful.

[StephandOwen]

Yup, looks like ex wasn't all talk this time. Yippee

Got a letter in the mail from his lawyer stating we have a court date of July 12th because he's asking for "specific parenting time". He's claiming *I'M* limiting the amount of time he sees ds (BULLSH*T because he is the one who says what time he wants to see ds and he decides when he's done seeing ds- usually 2-3 hours. I offer 8am-8pm Fri-Sat and 8am-noon Sunday on the weekends we bring ds there).

My biggest beef is that I get this letter today (Saturday). I won't be able to get ahold of my lawyer until Tuesday. That leaves us less than a week to get everything in order. He got me good on that one, I give him credit.

In the paperwork it also states that he's pissed off because I claimed when we moved to Kentucky we were getting married in a year, and 3 years later dp and myself aren't married. Now, I've explained before that the only reason we aren't married is because of ds's insurance and therapy crap and how we were trying to be nice because ex has to pay for 75% of all uncovered medical. Done playing nice. Wedding plans are in the air... sometime next week sounds great

[robinchap1]

I've read your posts over the years and know your story a bit. GRRRR. That made MY blood boil!

If your lawyer does not feel he/she has enough notice to prepare, I'm sure some sort of continuance can be filed. That is an absurd amount of notice.

You've been documenting everything, right? (I'm sure even pulling up all of your old threads here would help you document if you need to) How on earth does he think he has a case? And what right does he have to comment on your marital status or plans? Grrr.

I'm sure it will work out fine. But what a hassle and stress and expense for you. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Good luck. Keep us posted.
Take care.

[cheer mom]

you know, some people really know how to shoot themselves in the foot. I agree--a July wedding sounds wonderful!

[Avani]

First of all it sounds like improper notice. Unless it's an ex parte, emergency, hearing there is a certain time frame mandatory for hearings. Second, being married means nothing. Whether you claimed it or not, whether you moved or not it just isn't relevant. Unless your partner was attempting to adopt to your son. You clearly have enough proof so just line it all up and you are fine. All the times he skipped visits, how he only does a few hours though he is offered more plus you do all the travel expenses etc. You have nothing to worry about. Really i think it's time you stop giving this man so much of your energy. Really just let go of the entire situation and deal with the visits as they come. He is nothing but a waste.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by Avani

First of all it sounds like improper notice. Unless it's an ex parte, emergency, hearing there is a certain time frame mandatory for hearings. Second, being married means nothing. Whether you claimed it or not, whether you moved or not it just isn't relevant. Unless your partner was attempting to adopt to your son. You clearly have enough proof so just line it all up and you are fine. All the times he skipped visits, how he only does a few hours though he is offered more plus you do all the travel expenses etc. You have nothing to worry about. Really i think it's time you stop giving this man so much of your energy. Really just let go of the entire situation and deal with the visits as they come. He is nothing but a waste.

[Goodmom2008]

When you talk to your attorney, request that he file a continuance so that there is time to prepare.

As for you not being married to your DP, so what, it's been 3 years and he's just saying something now? I seriously doubt that this will be an issue in court.

As for the rest, bring your documentation with you to show that your ex has had the amount of parenting time that he has requested and that he is the one who ends it early.

[LoveOhm]

It's a bunch of HOT AIR but yes you still must deal with it. Sorry your ex is such a piece of work.

[momof4peppers]

Thank you for reminding me why I want to wait to file until I'm living in the state I can see myself in for a long, long time. Too bad you can't move the custody stuff to KY, since that's where you and O are now residents.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by momof4peppers

Thank you for reminding me why I want to wait to file until I'm living in the state I can see myself in for a long, long time. Too bad you can't move the custody stuff to KY, since that's where you and O are now residents.

Honestly, we probably could move jurisdiction to Kentucky, since ds has been a resident here for 3 years. However, we've been advised that it would be a crap shoot on what would happen. We don't know the Judge's here, we don't know their feelings on "fathers rights", we don't know what he/she might order. It would be totally up in the air. Whereas in the court in Michigan we've had the same Judge for all 3 of the times we've been in court (6 years ago, 3 years ago and now). This Judge knows the case, he knows the back story, he knows ex didn't even show up in court 3 years ago, etc. I have a much better idea on how this Judge will side and what we need to do to get him on our side (there are certain buttons we know not to push, ya know?).

[meemee]

hey you can elope now and it WILL be your after wedding party and you wont have to trouble yourself about the wording in hte invitation card

so bottom line is - its all about CS and getting out of it right?!!!!

everything always comes out to that doesnt it?!!!! but if there's anyone who is well prepared, it is you with you documenting everything.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by meemee

hey you can elope now and it WILL be your after wedding party and you wont have to trouble yourself about the wording in hte invitation card

so bottom line is - its all about CS and getting out of it right?!!!!

everything always comes out to that doesnt it?!!!! but if there's anyone who is well prepared, it is you with you documenting everything.

LOL... that's the big joke around here is that we *should* just surprise everyone now at the party and turn it into a wedding. Wouldn't that be hilarious?!?

I'm 99% sure this is about CS. I believe his new wife is convinced that if they get it (on paper at least) that ex gets extended periods (all christmas break, all spring break and half the summer) then his cs will be lowered. I don't think he realizes that if he really wants to be done with cs (which I'm sure he could use the money and his new wife would be thrilled that have that large increase in his paycheck) all he has to do is sign over his rights and let dp adopt ds. We would agree to that in an instant. But the problem becomes if *I* give him that option then it makes me look like I'm trying to take ds away from him (which I'm not).

The good news is that ds is 6 years old. We're now 1/3 of the way through his childhood (which is incredibly sad to me!) but also means I am 1/3 of the way done with dealing with all this crap. Once ds is 18 he can decide whether he wants this person to be a part of his life or not but I will have nothing to do with it!

[Purple*Lotus]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

LOL... that's the big joke around here is that we *should* just surprise everyone now at the party and turn it into a wedding. Wouldn't that be hilarious?!?

That would be awesome.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

The good news is that ds is 6 years old. We're now 1/3 of the way through his childhood (which is incredibly sad to me!)

i really hear you steph on this. i share the same feelings. as much as i enjoy watching the young woman emerge, its sooooo hard to let the innocence of babyhood go.

Once ds is 18 he can decide whether he wants this person to be a part of his life or not but I will have nothing to do with it!

could he not choose at 12? i am not sure of the legal situations completely, but at 12 doesnt he have more say - esp. where he stays and with whom he wants to spend time with.

i wish there was a way by which you could verbally talk to ex about giving up parental rights. after 6 years its so sad that you cant have a decent conversation with him without fearing how it might affect your legal status.

ex signing off parental rights and your fiance adopting O would be in O's best interest.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by meemee

could he not choose at 12? i am not sure of the legal situations completely, but at 12 doesnt he have more say - esp. where he stays and with whom he wants to spend time with.

I think around age 12 is when some Judges will listen to a child about what he/she wants and take that into consideration, but I don't know of any case where a 12 year old tells a Judge he/she wants no contact with a bio-parent and the Judge orders it So, unless ex signs over his rights and lets dp adopt ds then I still have to deal with ex for the next 12 years.

[KalamazooMom]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

I think around age 12 is when some Judges will listen to a child about what he/she wants and take that into consideration, but I don't know of any case where a 12 year old tells a Judge he/she wants no contact with a bio-parent and the Judge orders it .

Right. And FWIW I was told by a social worker who works with the family courts that here in Michigan a child's wishes aren't considered until he/she is 14.

[singin'intherain]

Is there a prize for most consistently inconsistent ex? If he would spend just half the energy he puts into messing with you, into his ACTUAL CHILD, he'd be such a stellar father! Sheesh!

[StephandOwen]

One more comment before I go to bed.... I was sitting here working on paperwork for my lawyer when I figured it out. It has been 106 days since Owen and I have heard from ex. 106 days. Almost 1/3 of a year. And he's taking me to court to get more "parenting time". WTF??? 106 days and he couldn't pick up the phone to talk to ds once. He couldn't pick up the phone and call or text to ask how ds's surgery went or how his recovery was going (he spent 3 days in the hospital due to complications afterwards, but I'll bet ex doesn't even know that).

106 days. That is sickening that he is taking me to court.

[meemee]

that is so sad steph.

however i hope the judge understands.

it seems like all the father has to do is show interest in the child - even if its all hot air, and the judge will happily grant him something.

good luck with everything. its hurts to see the other parent care so little for our 'bundle of joy' who mean so much to us.

[Phoenix~Mama]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

One more comment before I go to bed.... I was sitting here working on paperwork for my lawyer when I figured it out. It has been 106 days since Owen and I have heard from ex. 106 days. Almost 1/3 of a year. And he's taking me to court to get more "parenting time". WTF??? 106 days and he couldn't pick up the phone to talk to ds once. He couldn't pick up the phone and call or text to ask how ds's surgery went or how his recovery was going (he spent 3 days in the hospital due to complications afterwards, but I'll bet ex doesn't even know that).

106 days. That is sickening that he is taking me to court.

Wow... just wow. I've read lots of your story over the past couple years. Your ex really has a lot of nerve.

I am sure everything will work out fine with all the documentation you have on how HE is the one that has given up parenting time... the above says so much, even if you didn't have the past three years of stuff just like it.

Wanted to send hugs your way. I know it will be okay for you guys.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Avani

First of all it sounds like improper notice. Unless it's an ex parte, emergency, hearing there is a certain time frame mandatory for hearings. Second, being married means nothing. Whether you claimed it or not, whether you moved or not it just isn't relevant. Unless your partner was attempting to adopt to your son. You clearly have enough proof so just line it all up and you are fine. All the times he skipped visits, how he only does a few hours though he is offered more plus you do all the travel expenses etc. You have nothing to worry about. Really i think it's time you stop giving this man so much of your energy. Really just let go of the entire situation and deal with the visits as they come. He is nothing but a waste.

Depends on the state. Here in NY you have to serve 8 days prior to the court date, not on Sunday's or Holidays. Being served sucks big time though.

ETA - Steph, I'm really sorry you have to deal with this BS. This "dad" has no idea what its like to be a dad (or maybe he does since he has another child - but he sure doesn't know how to be Owen's dad!), I know you'll do fine in court though - all that documentation has to be worth something! One thing you might want to try and get are your phone records - cell and home - to prove that ex hasn't placed any calls to you, and to show how many calls you've placed to him (or texts, or whatever). It's just another form of documentation. Good luck to you and Owen!!