How long do you let your partner suffer before you step in? - Page 4

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by KempsMama

I just don't see how referring to your parenting partner as "the male" and refusing to acknowledge his role as a father until the age of three is healthy parenting. Sounds like your saying the only person a child should have an attachment with is the mother-that would be Attachment Mothering, not Attachment Parenting.

I know this is bugging me too. My DH is my life partner, the father of our children.

I'm so happy I married into a family that has produced a large amount of wonderful fathers. My Dh's family is a very family oriented unit and the fathers are all above and beyond the average. My Dh does do all of the support things(clean, cook, work) oh and I do too.

OP I think the biggest thing is that at first it may be hard when you go back to work, I just did part time since being a SAHM for 3 years, plus our whole family had been together since DS was born. DS was 7.5 months when I went back to work, he is a mama's boy and he was super sad at first. It gets better though, they learn a new routine, babies are adaptable.

I personally don't care if someone wants to be a mom who does it all-that's your deal, BUT for me I do believe it takes a village and by golly if I have one that is willing to help, I'm taking it, end of story.

[jennybear]

Originally Posted by mom2happy

1. I have to say "WOW"
This is way intense!

2. I never realized how much help some get from their DH.
I am an ap mom of 3 who does every bit of childcare, housework, and feeding Mon- Fri 24/7, still cooking and cleaning on the weekends.

You know, it wouldn't even occur to me to refer to DH's care of our daughter as "helping me." I admit this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but it drives me a little crazy to hear/read the assumption that children are the mother's responsibility and that involvement from the father is "helping her out."

We chose to have children together. Our baby is our responsibility. Yes, DH can't breastfeed. But that's a small part of caring for DD (in terms of the amount of time it takes) and he can (and does!) everything else quite well.

[Storm Bride]

This whole issue has never really arisen for me. When I had my first baby, I was with a man who had done a ton of babysitting as a teen, and had way more of a clue than I did. I was also recovering from a pretty brutal c-section experience (not so much because the surgery/incision was brutal, as because the combination of anesthetic/sleeping pills/lack of solid food knocked me on my butt and it took quite a while to bounce back). There was never any question of me bailing him out. I was pretty much just a set of boobs to ds1 for the first week or so, and my ex did pretty much everything else. (I couldn't even stand up - from exhaustion/lack of food, not pain - for about two days...and it was four before I could make it out of my hospital room.)

With dh, I was the "old pro", but he had been around younger kids a fair bit (his youngest brother is 9 years younger). DD1 also reacted to the smell of my milk like she'd been given caffeine or something. I couldn't settle and soothe her. So, she'd nurse, then dh would take her and walk around or sing to her a bit or something. She was much happier with him than with me.

With ds2 and dd2, it's been much more 50/50, but I certainly don't have to tell dh how to handle a baby. I wasn't born knowing it, and neither was he, but we both have a pretty good handle on it now. The only time I ever have to give him any warnings/heads up with the babies if I know he doesn't see something (dh is legally blind). If the baby is hungry, he'll figure it out and pass the baby to me really quickly - he usually figures out that's what the baby wants before I do.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by jennybear

You know, it wouldn't even occur to me to refer to DH's care of our daughter as "helping me." I admit this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but it drives me a little crazy to hear/read the assumption that children are the mother's responsibility and that involvement from the father is "helping her out."

We chose to have children together. Our baby is our responsibility. Yes, DH can't breastfeed. But that's a small part of caring for DD (in terms of the amount of time it takes) and he can (and does!) everything else quite well.

This.

Honestly, a couple of years ago, I had to give dh a few rides to move some things at work (couldn't be done by bus, and dh doesn't drive). I didn't think of that as helping him out, either. It was part of his job, which he does in order to earn money for our family. Giving him a ride and helping carry the things down to the van was simply another contribution to our family. I don't usually contribute in that particular fashion (I'm a SAHM), but that doesn't mean it was about me helping dh - and it's not about dh helping me when he takes on childcare when he's home. They're not my kids. They're our kids.

[mom2happy]

To the above

I did marry that guy.
Of course didnt find out till baby #1 came along and would prefer a few things to be different around here.
Im happy with the rest of him and the very special relationship he has with the older ones. He is barely here to begin with because of work, and in all parterships battles have to be picked.
I love to take care of my infants, so it works for us.

I dont mean "helping" and of course all responsibilites are shared by always helping each other.

If my dh was around to make me a meal and bring it to me while I was nursing the baby I would consider him helping me so I didnt have to wait till she was done and get up for it myself.
Every time I ask him to bring me water, diapers, burp clothes... he helps me by getting what I need at the moment.
When I make him dinner while taking care of a newborn and 2 other kids so he can eat when he gets home at 10 pm Im helping him and he appreciates it.
We help our children get dressed or with anything they need HELP with.

I mean come on now, this has taken a whole different turn and is getting ridiculous! I think this is a topic that has a lot of people hot.

I was simply trying to say to respect everyones lifestyles and that babies and humans just need love and I guess in doing that you still are going to get judged on your situation.
Passing judgement on a few words with out even knowing the situation is just too silly.

[BennyPai]

In response to the poll question, I would not step in until I was needed specifically... like for soothing (nursing) at nap- or bed-time or when my baby/child is hurt and wants to nurse.

In response to the OP's situation, I'm confused about why DP needs help clothing the child... is there more to this situation?

ETA: looks like child might be tantruming, after re-reading...

the weather on this thread is a little balmy...