I'm back! 3yo DS regressing, possible SPD

[InMediasRes]

It's been a while since I've been in here. I pop in the SPD support thread every now and again, but we have no formal dx.

My DS had most of his symptoms right after we moved. We saw our ped several times (who expressed concern) and had him evaluated by EI (who said that he didn't qualify for services) and a dev ped (who was a total quack and a waste of our time). My Dr. Google assessment was SPD (via the SPD checklist). He has sound sensitivity, some tactile sensitivity, oral sensory seeking, overall sensory seeking, extreme sleep problems, social anxiety, extreme separation anxiety, and raging tantrums at 2.5yo.

But then at 3yo, things started getting a lot better. He was actually TALKING to other kids, not having as much of a problem with sounds (although I noticed him shutting down or covering his ears around certain noises), sleeping more normally, etc. We decided to take a break from evaluations and worrying and just enjoy our son.

But for the last week (he is 3y3mo), things have been BAD. REALLY BAD. Here's the behavior he's been exhibiting. Some of it is new, some not.

-Sensory seeking behavior (running, crashing, bumping, jumping, climbing)
-Destroying everything.
-Has absolutely no interest in his toys, only things he is forbidden to have. (More below)
-Thrill seeking and dangerous behavior, always trying to get into my "sharp stuff" drawer, asking obsessively about what will happen if he plays with xyz (pizza cutter, knives, corkscrew, scissors, etc.)
-Violent and aggressive, especially with his sister (16mo). I also saw him do it to other kids tonight, which is very unusual for him.
-Babbling nonsense and repeating sentences or phrases over and over.
-Hand stimming.
-Sound sensitivity (scared of the vacuum, which he seemed to be "over" covering his ears a lot, freaking out while the dishwasher is on)
-Sleep problems (difficulty falling asleep, wakes and stays awake for long periods during the night)
-Saying over and over that he wants to hurt someone's feelings or hurt them physically (usually because we have given "someone getting hurt" as a reason not to do something he wants to do, not coming up with this idea on his own).
-Separation anxiety, saying that he's a baby, and asking to nurse, be held, etc.
-Raging in circles when he doesn't get his way, taking a LONG time to calm down

I'm just not sure what's up. I'm pretty sure I know what caused it - we lost his pacifier a few days before it started and with the raging fit he threw, we were completely unable to leave the house to buy a new one. I was never able to find it and he did okay for a couple days, so I thought we might be rid of it ( Please don't flame my stupid mom moment!). I am seriously considering going back to it at this point. I should never have gone cold turkey like that on him, but it causes its own sleep problems (he gets congested a lot and can't seem to figure out how to breathe through his mouth).

Should I assume that a) we go back to the paci and he goes back to normal or b) he eventually chills out, or should I assume that his whole life he's just going to have terrible anxiety about everything and I should talk to someone now about helping him cope. I'm not sure that SPD is even accurate anymore, or if just anxiety is more likely the problem. Of course, DH thinks that nothing is wrong and he'll just have to get over it .

Apologies if my tone sounds kind of flippant about the whole thing. My son has been beating me up and screaming at me for a week and I am just tired and have very little sympathy and patience left.

TIA.

[InMediasRes]

Bumping. He's still having a really rough time. I'm considering taking him to see someone about anxiety. Our ped recommended play therapy for him.

No one has anything for me?

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by InMediasRes

Should I assume that a) we go back to the paci and he goes back to normal or b) he eventually chills out, or should I assume that his whole life he's just going to have terrible anxiety about everything and I should talk to someone now about helping him cope. I'm not sure that SPD is even accurate anymore, or if just anxiety is more likely the problem. Of course, DH thinks that nothing is wrong and he'll just have to get over it .

Apologies if my tone sounds kind of flippant about the whole thing. My son has been beating me up and screaming at me for a week and I am just tired and have very little sympathy and patience left.

TIA.

Yes, something is wrong and he will NOT just get over it--just ask my ds' Kindergarten teacher.

At this age it is REALLY difficult to get anyone to listen, particularly if they are otherwise developmentally on target.

I took the bullet list below (mainly concerning school behavior) to our family doctor and got a referral to our local children's hospital which has a "behavior clinic" run by developmental peds; the waiting list is 9m to 12m long. Our family doctor provisionally diagnosed ds as ODD/ADHD.

First, I would find an occupational therapist. As you are describing your ds' behavior to the OT she should understand WHY you see a problem pretty much immediately (as opposed to the blank stare you might get at school) and you can take action on your ds' sensory issues.

I would also talk to your doctor about doing a sleep study. If your ds has any sort of breathing issues at night he may not be getting enough REM sleep which can cause aggression and other behavior problems. I've read lately that it is thought that some are misdiagnosed ADHD when they really have a sleep disorder. "Unfortunately" my ds is a good sleeper so I do not think it is the root of his problems.

I'd give him back the binkie; I think the fact that he still has one at 3yo pales in comparison to his other issues. You could also try one of these for daytime use: Chewlery. I did start ds on a magnesium supplement which took the edge of the worst of his behavior.

Bullet List
Physical Aggression
·Put his hands around the neck of a child because he wanted to use the swing (September).
·Pushed, kicked, and would not allow a child to get up because the child knocked over his pile of woodchips on the playground.
·Stomped on his teacher’s foot for telling him not to do something.
·Pushed his teacher for sending him to the office.
·Pushing classmates because they are in his way or in his place in line.

Property Destruction
·Damaged and destroyed teacher and school property (peeling off stickers, ripping, cutting, breaking, drawing…).
·Likes to put his hands on things even when it might cause damage; such as touching the class (live) butterfly project.
·Breaks an object to “test” if it is breakable.
·Eats playdoh.

Difficulty Interacting with Peers
·Bossy; he may start to yell and demand compliance when classmates will not do what he wants.
·May annoy others—teasing—does not read cues that indicate they want him to stop.
·Has difficulty with empathy.
·Has difficulty keeping his hands to himself.
·Taking other students work and writing or cutting it.

Non-compliance
·Will not stay in seat; restless.
·Moves around the classroom when he is supposed to be seated.
·Does not transition well from task to task; he may refuse to stop a task.
·Will often yell “no” to the teacher for telling him to do or not do something.
·Distractible and has trouble staying on task; more so when the task is not interesting to him.
·Throws things in the classroom and at people.
·Runs away from teachers.
·Lying.
____________________________________________
·He has trouble focusing on task in group situations.
·He seems to be in constant movement; moving hands/arms, jumping, hopping, and spinning.
·Easily distracted by sounds; seems to hear sounds that go unnoticed by others.
·Easily frustrated.
·Impulsive—pulled a fire alarm on the way to the bus.
·Easier to handle in small group or individually.
·Does not accept changes in routine easily.
·Needs at least 10 hours sleep or he will have increased behavior problems.
·Having to be woken up is an indication he will have increased behavior problems that day.
·Often responds more readily to male authority.

·In school suspension: five times.
·Suspension: twice.

[2cutiekitties]

Hi! I saw your post from the main page and just wanted to say that my 3.5 year old is doing some of these things. So maybe your son is regressing, but maybe some of it is just normal 3 yr old behavior? There is also some posts in the childhood section where a lot of us are losing it because are 3yr old is driving us nutso. As someone else said..."3 is the new 2"

Now I just want to say I love my cutie to death and he is an advanced child which I think creates more frustation on his part.

Originally Posted by InMediasRes

-Sensory seeking behavior (running, crashing, bumping, jumping, climbing)
DS certainly has these moments, but nothing I am too concerned about. seems like normal boy stuff to me.
-Destroying everything.
DS is throwing everything around but I dont think his intent is to destroy.
-Thrill seeking and dangerous behavior, always trying to get into my "sharp stuff" drawer, asking obsessively about what will happen if he plays with xyz (pizza cutter, knives, corkscrew, scissors, etc.)
DS is also doing some thrill seeking behavior but not obssessively. He did spend a week walking the edge of the bed (he can fall out of the two story window) when he wasnt supposed to, and wouldnt stop doing it.
-Violent and aggressive, especially with his sister (16mo). I also saw him do it to other kids tonight, which is very unusual for him.
Okay, I am going through this big time. About two months ago DS upped the anty on hitting and kicking and now he is loving the cat to much. I am personally having a hard time with the physical "abuse." We are working on it and progress has been made. He just gets so frustrasted so easily. So far he hasnt hurt another kid, but we havent been to the park much either.
-Babbling nonsense and repeating sentences or phrases over and over.
no DS is not doing this at all.
-Hand stimming.
I dont know what this is but I think a no for us.
-Sound sensitivity (scared of the vacuum, which he seemed to be "over" covering his ears a lot, freaking out while the dishwasher is on)
mine hates the vacuum too and used to react to other things, but it is really geting better for us.
-Sleep problems (difficulty falling asleep, wakes and stays awake for long periods during the night)
Yep, I have a night owl.
-Saying over and over that he wants to hurt someone's feelings or hurt them physically (usually because we have given "someone getting hurt" as a reason not to do something he wants to do, not coming up with this idea on his own).
If DS doesnt like what we say or whatever he gets all ticked off and says things like I dont want to play with you or I want to hit you or I dont like you anymore, etc.
-Separation anxiety, saying that he's a baby, and asking to nurse, be held, etc.
no separation anxiety, but DS has started saying he is a baby and he wants lots of cuddle times. A famous reality mom with sextuplets said they all went through a phase where they pretended to be babies.
-Raging in circles when he doesn't get his way, taking a LONG time to calm down
DS is not calming down quick either and yes, he is getting pretty mad (oh boy!!) if he doesnt get his way or whatever. But he doesnt not go in circles. He stomps down the hall to his toy room.

I would get the paci back asap. DS still takes a baba a couple times of day and while I hate it, it is his comfort and he needs it so much.

I read your list to DH and he said a lot of it sounded like DS. I would suggest popping in the discipline section, parenting section, the childhood years section and the sleep section. You will see a lot of us with the same complaints as you! I wouldnt stress so much, but not expect it to go away with the paci coming back. It started to be overwhelming for us a couple of months ago and that seems to be on par with your timing.

[askew]

I can hear your concern and frustration. I come to this forum for my DD who has other issues, but like the previous poster a lot of what you write about your son is stuff my 3.5 year old does too. It does drive me batty sometimes, but we have a lot of friends that are DS's exact same age and all the parents seem to be going through something with their 3.5 year olds. Mine is super physical and also having trouble with boundaries. Like bear hugging all the kids on the playground and touching people's faces in a way that most people don't like. My friend's kid has suddenly started trying to go potty outside in not so appropriate places, (not just #1 either) We have another who is a biter and a runner. None of them seem to listen very well. IDK. I absolutely do not want to minimize your concerns, but just point out that a lot of it could be normal 3 year old stuff.

[ericswifey27]

I was going to suggest something similar to what Emmeline did.

Yes, some of this may be normal 3 year old stuff. But you probably wouldn't be tearing your hair out and posting here unless you felt it is more than that, right?

So I would investigate further so you have some concrete examples of what you are seeing to show the professionals. It could not hurt to have a developmental and/or behavioral evaluation done through your local children's hospital or with a reputable OT.

Keep an "ABC' (antecedent, behavior, consequence) diary, write down every incident- what preceded it, what happened after. Consider the environment too- was it loud? was it quiet? Did you have a "busy" day more than what's typical? were there new people present? were you doing something unscheduled that maybe wasn't expected? Does the behavior seem worse after eating certain foods (my son has food allergies that are delayed- he eats it, 6 hours later he is tantruming, kicking and screaming in his sleep)

This method has helped me figure out a lot of my son's behaviors and their causes- some were behaviors we were accidentally encouraging, others were medical (food allergies, mold), others sensory, environmental etc.

Good luck!

[InMediasRes]

Thanks, everyone. He is getting somewhat better. My DH is adamant that we're not going back to the binky. I'm sad for my boy, but he's not asking for it anymore and he seems to be regulating. I just can't go back to it unless I can really get DH on board... I just wouldn't feel right about that.

I have been doing more sensory play with him, giving him special consideration about sounds, and lots of exercise and outside time. Dinner hour really is the worst with the smells, the sounds in the kitchen, and him being tired (bye bye binky meant bye bye nap time, too). He is sleeping better, but boy, he still fights it hard core.

DH is more concerned about some other things, mainly that he seems to be really resistant to being shown how to do something, gets very easily frustrated, and is uncoordinated and can't seem to repeat what you show him. A while back, I posted about asking him to put his hands in the air, and he'll put them every which way, but not in the air, even if you show him how.

DH thinks he feels too much pressure or stress or somethign from us (not that I"m pushing him to learn anything, so I don't know where he's getting this) and that he might learn better from peers or another person, aka, enroll him in preschool.

That conversation managed to lead us to getting him to see an OT first to just get an idea of what his struggles might be and get suggestions about whether or not preschool is a good idea (I think it's horrible, honestly, until at least next year). I get to pick the therapist, so you can bet that this is going to be the evaluation I've been trying to get him in for. I hope we can get some answers, or at least just put our minds at ease.

Any suggestions on what to ask an OT on the phone before making a choice?