How do you set boundaries with inlaws about toys?

[denaverbena]

My MIL actually lives in a house connected to mine so I have to deal with this a little different then someone who shows up in our life now and then. She also has a compulsive buying problem especially when it comes to kids toys. I used to say no to things and then I started saying she could buy what she wants for her side of the house, but we had a say what comes over here. Turns out there is a couple problems with this. DD now wants to always go to her side because there is always something new and toys there do more then ours (talk, sing, move, light up) Also she gets attached to them and wants to bring them over to our side and everywhere we go. I want to teach DD not to buy into our consumer culture and this isn't really providing a great start.

Another level to the issue is MIL is always talking how she has no money for food, yet she's buying all these toys

I'm looking for ideas for setting some boundaries in a gentle way (MIL is known for overreacting and not talking to us for days when she's upset)

[hakeber]

If she's not talking to you, she doesn't get to play with your dd or give her presents, does she?

I think she may need an intervention. She is clearly using her granddaughter to enable her shopping addiction. They do have therapy support groups for that.

I would also say, go ahead and let dd go over. Eventually the lights and buzz will pale in comparison to imagination and learning she gets with the high quality toys at home, especially when the toys start breaking, and they will. The cheap lights and whistles toys always do. If you make it a power struggle, she will sense that and feel it is a way to get a reaction from you to ask to go the grandma's side. Just let it go. It's like the turtle and the hare, real love always wins over consummerism every time, it just takes a while.

[ohiomommy1122]

Oh man mama I feel for, you we have this problem but we live 20 min from my MIL. I have resorted to putting things on my Amazon wish list and telling her all other tys will be returned but we don't share a house. So sorry I don't have better advice

[Italiamom]

Would MIL notice if toys disappeared after a few weeks? It wouldn't fix the over-shopping, consumerist part of the equation. But could you keep the toy for a few weeks and then quietly box it up for a charity? If nothing else it would keep down the clutter.

[crunchy_mommy]

Have you sat down with her & explained that you don't want a consumer-oriented child? That you know she wants to spoil your DD, but you would prefer it to be without toys? Could she do other specials things with/for your DD, like bake her a treat once a week or take her to the zoo or do crafts with her? I think redirecting that energy into something you feel is more appropriate would help (with limitations, i.e. you probably don't want her baking brownies 3x a day!) Or just set a strict limit with toys -- please only one new toy a month, and if she gets a new toy she has to get rid of an old toy...