SAHM to toddler and baby after suprise layoff

[meadow123]

I need some reassurance that I can do this! I have a 2yo and a 5 month old (who was 34 wk. preemie), both had been in FT daycare at an awesome center. A few weeks ago, I was laid off, which I remain in shock about. I have no hope at all that I will find another FT job, I had actually been looking very hard since March for many reasons (including that I hated my job). Our budget is structured so everything comes from my DH's check except savings/ debt repayment and daycare, so this is financially 'ok', but not great. We pulled my 5 month old out of daycare (no brainer, since I was going to daycare twice a day to nurse her and she has only been there a month) and asked to explore part time options for my 2 yo. We may eventually pull her too, but not yet.

I am ashamed of this, but the idea of being home with both kids together terrifies me. I am scared I won't be good at it, scared my toddler won't be happy or stimulated enough, I don't know how to handle a 2 year old while nursing a baby who isn't on a schedule at all, etc. I could go on and on. I know people do this, and with more than two kids, and without a supportive partner, and with only one car, and without a yard. I know I have a lot of advantages. I guess I am just not sure of the day to day of it, especially the part where the kids are the ages they are. Please tell me any tricks or tips, or just that you have been here! Thanks...

[Violet2]

Definitely look for pt daycare if you can afford it b/c it allows you some time to adjust to a whole new lifestyle.



My friend is going through this and pt care has really helped her. It is a huge adjustment for everyone so expect for things to be in flux for several months.

Roll with it as best you can. Try to find something fun to do every day with your kids. Don't sweat the small stuff! Aim for progress not perfection.

Good luck momma. You can do it!

V

[hotmamacita]

Originally Posted by meadow123

I need some reassurance that I can do this! I have a 2yo and a 5 month old (who was 34 wk. preemie), both had been in FT daycare at an awesome center. A few weeks ago, I was laid off, which I remain in shock about. I have no hope at all that I will find another FT job, I had actually been looking very hard since March for many reasons (including that I hated my job). Our budget is structured so everything comes from my DH's check except savings/ debt repayment and daycare, so this is financially 'ok', but not great. We pulled my 5 month old out of daycare (no brainer, since I was going to daycare twice a day to nurse her and she has only been there a month) and asked to explore part time options for my 2 yo. We may eventually pull her too, but not yet.

I am ashamed of this, but the idea of being home with both kids together terrifies me. I am scared I won't be good at it, scared my toddler won't be happy or stimulated enough, I don't know how to handle a 2 year old while nursing a baby who isn't on a schedule at all, etc. I could go on and on. I know people do this, and with more than two kids, and without a supportive partner, and with only one car, and without a yard. I know I have a lot of advantages. I guess I am just not sure of the day to day of it, especially the part where the kids are the ages they are. Please tell me any tricks or tips, or just that you have been here! Thanks...

Do not be ashamed to be honest about being scared or where you are at. Please know that YOU are best for your children. They want your heart, your time, your engagement with them and your playful heart. Nurse your baby when he/she is hungry and play, distract, keep safe, play some more, feed, teach and love your 2 year old. Follow your heart with your children. Do not worry about outside pressure or how your house looks. Nurture yourself, your marriage and love on those sweet babies of yours. This time will pass and flee before you know it.

Your layoff might just be a wonderful blessing in disguise.

Now onto the tricks and tips!

Have a shoebox or two of safe, cheap toys tucked up high so that when you need to go to the bathroom alone, your 2year old can play with those toys right outside your bathroom door. you will be able to hear him/her and get 5 minutes to yourself.

Keep a journal in your bathroom to write about how you are feeling while you have those 2, 3, or 5 minutes to yourself.

Nurse your baby while you play/read with your 2 year old.

Distraction is key with 2 year olds.

You are not alone. It is hard to SAHM but so wonderfully fruitful!

[Ms. B. Sprout]

I totally get it. I too am a SAHM-by-circumstance.

Tips and tricks:

1. Let go of your expectations. Don't expect to be able to do X chore, errand, or task. If it happens, great, but it might not. My flash points of frustration have almost all been related to expectations that weren't met (well that and insane messes -- still working on that one lol).

2. Try to do as much the night before as possible -- clothes out, diaper bag organized and ready to go, breakfast as assembled as possible, snacks pulled together, lunch too if possible. If you're running errands, have your papers/shopping list/money/library books etc. assembled and ready to go. You want the bones of your day to run on autopilot.

3. If you get frustrated/yell/are grumpy (boy I sure did and still do!), forgive yourself and move on. I have a confessional to my DH, vow to do better, and move on. It took me months to get to an ok point with my mood & handling of the kids. But things are pretty good now, and if I can do it then you can too! Life with two littles is challenging. Allow yourself to have whatever feelings you have.

4. Come up with a go-to list -- really whatever your toddler likes to do -- for those times when things are breaking down and you need to hit the rest button:

bath
puzzles
books
special box of toys like a PP mentioned
walks with a basket to collect things
special snack
DVD

5. Lower your expectations when it comes to naps. Your LOs might nap together, they might not. Don't expect any particular outcome, and you cannot be disappointed!

As soon as your baby can sit well, things will get easier. Even better when baby starts walking, and when they start to really play together, you will be amazed at how much better things get! Hang in there mama!

Hope this helps!

[nola79]

You can do it! I had anxiety about quitting, but it has all worked out. I get that your situation is different, but it could still work to you advantage. For your 2 year old, could you check out a mother's day out/preschool? They're usually cheaper and the times more flexible. Good Luck!

[Violet2]

OP I hope you will come back to post on how you're doing.

I saw my friend today and she said it's not as bad as she thought it would be. She's still trying to figure out the day-to-day schedule, but she's not drowning.

So good things are possible.

V

[meadow123]

Thanks everyone. It has been two weeks since I was let go, and I really think it is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. My five month old is super happy to be at home, nursing away whenever she wants. I have a terrible cold, so I have been in bed for a few days and it feels pretty much like being on maternity leave again.

BUT, that is not all of it of course, because there remains the matter of my 2 yo. She is going to step down to part time daycare next week at her current center- she will go full days Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays (splitting a spot with another child, they don't really do part-time care normally). I don't know if that is a god idea or not, I worry that she is going to get out of sorts due to a weird routine, but we are going to try it. Maybe at some point we will pull her all together, I don't know. I feel like I am cheating because she is still going to daycare. It is just a big transition, and she is so happy there, I am unsure about what to do. We might have an option to do a M-F 2.5 hours every morning preschool at a great center, which would be much cheaper, but I don't want her to lose her friends and have to adjust to a new place. I am applying for some WAH jobs.

So, I am okay! Feeling much better than when I posted initially. Just need to realize this is a work in progress and also need to recognize my blessings here!

[zinemama]

You've gotten great advice. The only other thing I would add is to look around for a friend. Playgroups are often too overwhelming. You need one or two other sahms that you can hang out with during the day while the kids do their thing. Having another adult to talk to during the day is the key to maintaining sanity.