we had a baby boom in our family last year -- four grandchildren born: twins to one of my brothers in march, and one each to me and another brother in september. those adding to the five grandchildren we already had. i have three brothers, we all live in the same general area as my parents. my mom and dad waited a long time to become grandparents (no one had kids before age 30 -- some of us well into our 30s). sounds like a great situation for my parents to have lots of family time with their grandchildren.
but... just before the last two grandchildren were to be born, in august, my dad up and gets a basset hound dog from the pound, a puppy who he has refused to train. in fact, i got my folks and their dog enrolled in a dog obedience class, and they *dropped out*. disappointing, especially as my dad is a retired school teacher.
this dog is so utterly boorish. she has a super loud bark, and with absolutely no discipline, she barks constantly. she jumps on people. she destroys things: cell phones, wallets, hats, gets into medicines, you name it. and those are only the things i've "heard of." god only knows what else she has gotten into that hasn't been mentioned.
the dog is not liked by any of us, except my dad of course. he uses the dog as a reason why my mom can't visit us. she has to watch the dog while he pursues his "farmwork." that's a story in and of itself, a story for another time.
i see my mom maybe once every couple of weeks, for maybe an hour or two at a time, always preceded by the statement, "i can't stay for long. i have to _____ (get home to the dog, bring dad a sandwitch for lunch, etc.)"
they bought a crate for the dog a long time ago, but have decided not to use it.
today was the 4th of july and my brother hosted our family picnic at his house, there were 13 young kids there... 10 age 5 and under. obviously a lot of work getting everything ready, watching the kiddos, etc. my dad no where to be seen, hasn't shown up.
just as the food is finally finally ready, here he comes, pulls up in his pickup truck, walking up with his dog on a leash. he stands with the dog next to the deck where we're all eating, doesn't talk to anybody. a few minutes later, he has come around the house (it's a big house) and is now sitting on their porch, with the dog, eating the plate of food my mother prepared for him. a few minutes later, there he is loading up the dog in the pickup and leaving. still didn't talk to anyone (except my mom). comes just in time to eat, without helping with anything at all.
i have given up trying to talk to my mom about the dysfunction of all this, only ito have told her in the past that this is her CHOICE. she gets defensive and acts like he is "putting" this all upon her, and that she doesn't like it. but she never stands up to him. lets him continue to boss her with regards to that dog.
my other relatives, including mom's sister, were also talking about the situation. a few of us think that she still has to "hit bottom" with this situation. i'm starting to think that she never will.
my dad is almost 79 years old! a) this dog may well outlive him; b) he is not going to change, except for declining physically -- of which, the dog pulls on the leash so hard, he could well get hurt, especially in the winter on snow or ice; c) my mom may well never change either.
it makes me sad. and then i think that i have to just let it go too, and there is my "personal growth". it's so sad though that my dad is using this dog as an excuse to avoid his family. and my husband talked to one of my brothers about it, who said that dad feels that anywhere the dog is not welcome, that he also doesn't want to be. yet, he feels no need or responsibility to make the dog behave well for the sake of other people, their homes and their babies and small children.
ok, well i just wanted to get that out. not expecting any advice, but if you have any, i'm happy to hear it. thanks for reading!!
but... just before the last two grandchildren were to be born, in august, my dad up and gets a basset hound dog from the pound, a puppy who he has refused to train. in fact, i got my folks and their dog enrolled in a dog obedience class, and they *dropped out*. disappointing, especially as my dad is a retired school teacher.
this dog is so utterly boorish. she has a super loud bark, and with absolutely no discipline, she barks constantly. she jumps on people. she destroys things: cell phones, wallets, hats, gets into medicines, you name it. and those are only the things i've "heard of." god only knows what else she has gotten into that hasn't been mentioned.
the dog is not liked by any of us, except my dad of course. he uses the dog as a reason why my mom can't visit us. she has to watch the dog while he pursues his "farmwork." that's a story in and of itself, a story for another time.
i see my mom maybe once every couple of weeks, for maybe an hour or two at a time, always preceded by the statement, "i can't stay for long. i have to _____ (get home to the dog, bring dad a sandwitch for lunch, etc.)"
they bought a crate for the dog a long time ago, but have decided not to use it.
today was the 4th of july and my brother hosted our family picnic at his house, there were 13 young kids there... 10 age 5 and under. obviously a lot of work getting everything ready, watching the kiddos, etc. my dad no where to be seen, hasn't shown up.
just as the food is finally finally ready, here he comes, pulls up in his pickup truck, walking up with his dog on a leash. he stands with the dog next to the deck where we're all eating, doesn't talk to anybody. a few minutes later, he has come around the house (it's a big house) and is now sitting on their porch, with the dog, eating the plate of food my mother prepared for him. a few minutes later, there he is loading up the dog in the pickup and leaving. still didn't talk to anyone (except my mom). comes just in time to eat, without helping with anything at all.
i have given up trying to talk to my mom about the dysfunction of all this, only ito have told her in the past that this is her CHOICE. she gets defensive and acts like he is "putting" this all upon her, and that she doesn't like it. but she never stands up to him. lets him continue to boss her with regards to that dog.
my other relatives, including mom's sister, were also talking about the situation. a few of us think that she still has to "hit bottom" with this situation. i'm starting to think that she never will.
my dad is almost 79 years old! a) this dog may well outlive him; b) he is not going to change, except for declining physically -- of which, the dog pulls on the leash so hard, he could well get hurt, especially in the winter on snow or ice; c) my mom may well never change either.
it makes me sad. and then i think that i have to just let it go too, and there is my "personal growth". it's so sad though that my dad is using this dog as an excuse to avoid his family. and my husband talked to one of my brothers about it, who said that dad feels that anywhere the dog is not welcome, that he also doesn't want to be. yet, he feels no need or responsibility to make the dog behave well for the sake of other people, their homes and their babies and small children.
ok, well i just wanted to get that out. not expecting any advice, but if you have any, i'm happy to hear it. thanks for reading!!
It's a hard situation. My in-laws have a horrible dog that is just 'precious' and could 'never do anything wrong.' Oh sure, except bite me, knock my kids over, jump on me, hump you, scare my kids by barking in their faces, etc., etc., etc. But none of that is 'wrong' in their opinions. They justify everything the dog does and he just rules over them, unhappily I might add. I love, love, love Cesar Milan and everything he says about unhappy dogs is so true of my in-laws' dog.
