The July "Whatever" Thread - Page 2

[akind1]

I miss charting! Still no AF for me . . .so we are just waiting. DH said he'd like the baby to not be born until after he finished massage school (he starts a 9 month program in November) and Intuitive Jamie (yes, I had to ask!) said she thought I'd be pregnant around or right after DS's b'day, so all the stars might line up! LOL

I can't tell you if we are avoiding or not, except that we haven't DTD in . . a while. whenever we do again, I will let you know I guess not DTD certainly isn't in the realm of "trying"!

I am looking forward to stalking all these charts! it is like a refresher course prior to me charting again! (which I will, once I have a new cycle!)

and the drinking . . . It isn't that you can't drink while BF'ing, it is just not alot; I have had a glass of wine, or one of champagne. I haven't ever been drunk either, but I found one strong drink on an empty stomach is enough to make me tipsy! All for the drinking game though!

[Baby_Cakes]

^FWIW, on Sunday I had 3 or 4 margaritas (the premade kind, in a tall glass w/ice) and was definitely feeling it!! My temp the next day wasn't affected at all it seemed. But, by the time I went to bed, I was fine -- so I'm not sure that makes a difference or not but my guess is you'd have to go to bed drunk. And I don't like doing that b/c then you wake up hungover! :Puke

[lilcrunchymama]

I wasn't drunk when I went to bed, but there were various reasons why I didn't temp that next morning. And then misplacing my thermometer didn't help me the morning after that either.

I'm hoping I didn't miss anything by doing that, but I honestly don't think that I have. I thought I was going to O the other day, but I still have tons of EWCM. I normally dry back up before AF shows, so I know what's normal for me. We'll see. My temp took a dip this morning. Well, compared to 3 days ago. Haha. But, it was down in the 96's.

[mommyin2008]

I am just popping in here. I was part of the Charting to Avoid/FAM thread but life got the best of me and I havent checked in there in a while now.

DH & I are not really whatevering, but he pulls out all the time, so whatever you want to call that. I still chart,but much more loosely now and really dont chart as strict as I used to.

I work night shift part time..2 nights a week. Im a nurse on the OB Unit here. I have 1 DS who will be 2.5 the end of August. I want another baby very soon. DH wants to wait. At first he said not until DS was gonna be in school[kindergarten]...now, when I ask him..he said the other day. Im not ready right now, I want to wait until he's a little older. I asked him what that means, specifically..like...would he want another baby to be born around the time DS is 4...and hes like...maybe, yeah. Which would mean getting pg around the time DS turns 3-ish..which is like only 6 months away. This is what I've been trying to get out of him forever now. So, we'll see. I cant say for sure how he will react when the time comes to actually try and not pull out..he may have stagefright and realize hes still not ready. i dont know. But for now, im going with it. and hoping he will too!!!

So, I'll try and check in here!!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by mommyin2008

I asked him what that means, specifically..like...would he want another baby to be born around the time DS is 4...and hes like...maybe, yeah. Which would mean getting pg around the time DS turns 3-ish..which is like only 6 months away. This is what I've been trying to get out of him forever now.

Sometimes I wonder if men get that if you want to have a baby at this time, you have to start trying to get pregnant about a year before then.

Carrie ~ If you O at a regular time (not unusually early), that temp won't count, anyway.

on the drinking experiment. (I'm just kidding.) The US is very uptight about alcohol and pregnancy but many other countries are not and don't have a higher incidence of alcoholic related fetal injuries. My neighbor is from Spain and her Spanish OB told her to drink a glass of beer a day while pg to help bring her milk in. I don't know if that really helps with milk production but it didn't do any harm to her baby. I'm not advocating drinking lots of alcohol while whatevering or pg or bfing, either. Just saying it's not as bad as we in the USA are lead to believe. Think about all the women who aren't even considering getting pg so they are going about their normal daily business, which may include some alcohol every once in a while, and get pg by accident. Unless they drink heavily most days for a lot of their pg, their babies are fine.

I'm counting down the days for and dh to show. Should be about 5 more days for both. Then I can start seriously not obsessing about whether or not I'm pg.

OT: I'm afraid I may have a virus or something. My security s/w stopped working yesterday and wont' update or anything. Then the font on my email shrank so small that I can barely see it and I can't change it back. It is tiny. Anyone know anything about that and/or how to fix it? I tried the security s/w website but it won't do anything because it can't communicate with my s/w so I sent a technical request. It's CA security, by the way.

[jeninejessica]

Originally Posted by MarineWife

Sometimes I wonder if men get that if you want to have a baby at this time, you have to start trying to get pregnant about a year before then.

on the drinking experiment. (I'm just kidding.) The US is very uptight about alcohol and pregnancy but many other countries are not and don't have a higher incidence of alcoholic related fetal injuries.

I know really!! They forget that there's a good chance it'll take a few months. Trying doesn't automatically mean it will happen the first time.

As for drinking during pregnancy, I feel very strongly about it in the beginning, but once you get to like 8-9 months, I feel like a glass of wine once in a while is something I'm confident about taking a risk on. In the earlier stages when there's still so much development, I'm not comfortable with that. But for breastfeeding, yeah, I have no problem with it, especially since I drink SO little. I've read some fairly convincing studies about the miniscule amount that makes it through to the breastmilk.

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by jeninejessica

As for drinking during pregnancy, I feel very strongly about it in the beginning, but once you get to like 8-9 months, I feel like a glass of wine once in a while is something I'm confident about taking a risk on. In the earlier stages when there's still so much development, I'm not comfortable with that.

The reason that drinking at all is so discouraged in the US is because no one knows exactly how much alcohol can be consumed before it starts to affect the fetus. I think the effects may be very individualized, too, so that even if we knew how much alcohol was safe and how much is too much for the general population, there's no way to know how much is ok for any particular woman or baby. KWIM?

That being said, even in the earliest stages, I doubt that 1-2 alcoholic drinks once will do any harm, for example, having a beer at a 4th of July BBQ at 10w pg when that's the only alcohol you have for months. I had 4 beers one time when I went bowling when I was 3-4 weeks pg with ds2 and he's fine. When I was around 12w pg with ds3, I started to have what felt like contractions and after trying a few other things, my MW suggested a glass of red wine and a warm bath. That did the trick. If I told you everything I was doing in the months leading up to and for the 1st trimester that I was pg with ds1 and didn't know it, you'd probably be shocked. He is absolutely fine. He's never shown any signs of any alcohol or drug-related problems that I know of and no doc has ever mentioned anything.

Again, I am not advocating drinking alcohol while pg. I think it's better to be safe than sorry and avoid it. However, I think it's also important to understand that it's not the evil that it has been made out to be in the USA. Pregnant women don't need the added stress of the worry about the glass of champagne they had on New Year's Eve or whatever.

[mommyin2008]

I hear you girls about men and the baby thing. Hes like "im not ready for another baby right now". "maybe in another year".even though I remind him that the baby wouldnt be here for 9 more months..lol. So, when he says maybe in another year. Im thinking..well do you mean another year before we START trying or another year to have the baby be BORN. Two TOTALLY different situations there ya know. lol. And thats when he said maybe a new baby around the time DS is 4. So, im hoping he can understand that even though we'd be trying when DS is 3..a new baby wouldnt arrive[hopefully] till he was almost 4.

A few weeks ago he was saying he wanted to wait until DS was in kindergardten or close to 4 ish to even start trying, etc. but now he seems to be thinking a bit sooner, which im so happy to hear. I just dont want to get my hopes up and then he still isnt ready in 6 more months. ugh!

its hard waiting this long...it would suck to know that we may start TTC in 6 months only for him to say hes still not ready. ya know.

[mommyin2008]

question:

since this is the "whatevering" thread, what are you all using...or NOT using...lol... for birth control. just wondering.

[Baby_Cakes]

mommy - Since having my IUD out in April, we've been kinda sorta CTA. April we used condoms the whole month. In May we used condoms only when I was potentially fertile, and in June, well, we didn't use condoms at all even when I was potentially fertile. This month is going to be another not-using-any-condoms-even-if-potentially-fertile month. The difference is that I'm not going to go all crazy nutso if we don't feel like DTD during fertile times, and I'm not going to "warn" him that I'm potentially fertile if we do. Just going to make love to my husband, and if we make a baby, we make a baby.

Yay for babies!

Funny thing - It came up in convo over the 4th of July holiday with my MIL and BIL that we were thinking of having another baby. My BIL of all ppl was shocked, like, "What happened to waiting a few years before having another baby??" I said to him, "Well, I kind of like the idea of 3 years b/w children...and Nora's almost 2! That's only a few more months before I'd have be pg again to get that spacing..."

Even HE didn't realize it takes 9 whole months to cook a baby, plus however long it takes to conceive one. Funny how women know that and men don't.

[akind1]

as for BC: sometimes we use condoms, and I leave the use, or "un"use of them totally up to DH. I really don't have a preference, except that we can't start with them, because it dries me out horribly, and then DTD is just painful. (TMI, I know)

more often then not, though, we go without.

ITA re: drinking in pregnancy. I know there is no way to know how much is safe, and for whom, but also, if drinking were all that affective, then nearly everyone born before all this doctor hoopla started (I'm thinking prior to 1900, maybe slightly earlier) was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome; beer and wine was "normal" to drink, water, not so much. I didn't drink while pregnant, more because I chose to err on the cautious side, than not. OTOH, I have had a drink or two and nursed DS. But then, I don't drink to excess, and always with food (I don't know if it makes a difference in my milk, but it does in how the ETOH affects me)

Whatevering, for us, means that we are ok with whatever, pregnancy or not, for a while. I don't want the stress of "trying" right now, and plus while an "oops" would be ok with a 7 month old, actively trying seems a bit insane (to me, anyway) with one that young. I do want a new cycle to begin, so that I can chart though! we are CD . . .nearing 60 I should think.

[mommyin2008]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

mommy - Since having my IUD out in April, we've been kinda sorta CTA. April we used condoms the whole month. In May we used condoms only when I was potentially fertile, and in June, well, we didn't use condoms at all even when I was potentially fertile. This month is going to be another not-using-any-condoms-even-if-potentially-fertile month. The difference is that I'm not going to go all crazy nutso if we don't feel like DTD during fertile times, and I'm not going to "warn" him that I'm potentially fertile if we do. Just going to make love to my husband, and if we make a baby, we make a baby.

Yay for babies!

Funny thing - It came up in convo over the 4th of July holiday with my MIL and BIL that we were thinking of having another baby. My BIL of all ppl was shocked, like, "What happened to waiting a few years before having another baby??" I said to him, "Well, I kind of like the idea of 3 years b/w children...and Nora's almost 2! That's only a few more months before I'd have be pg again to get that spacing..."

Even HE didn't realize it takes 9 whole months to cook a baby, plus however long it takes to conceive one. Funny how women know that and men don't.

OMG! too funny. I would like 3.5 years preferbably..but I dont think i'll get that. so, closer to 4 years is fine with me too.

My DH also tends to think that the one time we have sex when im fertile i'll get pg. And, while that may just happen, it may not either. It was that easy the only 2 times i've been pg [with him]....but doesnt mean it will be that easy again. especially since i was younger when i got pg before, and now im getting a little older..28 in less than 2 weeks. and while that isnt old by any means, i know of some people who it takes longer to get pg the older they get. Ideally, i'd like to be pregnant before im 29...which i think is a reasonable compromise on my part and his...meeting in the middle...4 year age gap instead or 5 or more and not less than 4 years lol. I would love a fall baby next time..which would mean getting pg in Jan, Feb, or March of 2011. I wouldnt even mind getting pg in April of 2011and having a Jan 2012 baby. But, I dont want to have my DS's birthday AND a another ones the same month. So, ideally i would like an oct or nov. baby and then DS would be turning 4 feb 2012..so they would be like 2 or 3 months shy of 4 years apart.

I really havent gotten that deep into it with DH like this specifically, because I know hes still no where near ready but I think he needs to understand all this b/c it might just not happen the first time. I swear he thinks he has super sperm b/c I get pg so easy. For ex: i am on my AF right now and we were about to DTD the day before it was gonna start. I tried to explain to him that he didnt need to pull out..that I was gonna start my period and how could i possibly get pg in 1 day....lol. hes like i know it doesnt work like that but you know what if that one sperm lasted all through the blood and then you end up pg from that next month. LMAO!!! Im like ok...whatever you think. Im like dont worry your sperm isnt majic like that, but believe what you want to.....lol

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by mommyin2008

. I swear he thinks he has super sperm b/c I get pg so easy.

I know exactly what you mean. W/DD we got pg the first time we tried. We DTD 3 times in my fertile phase last cycle, so I just *knew* I was going to be pg. DH was talking about his super sperm all the time, and said that I just *had* to be pg. When I wasn't, wow -- we were shocked. And disappointed. And now I'm all worried it's going to take forever! LOL!

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by mommyin2008

question:

since this is the "whatevering" thread, what are you all using...or NOT using...lol... for birth control. just wondering.

Being separated for 6 months is our form of bc right now.

My dh is the one who wants to prevent, not me, so it's his responsibility. Before he deployed in May last year, we were using withdrawal. He seemed to forget once and I got pg right before he left but I miscarried in July. He got home in December and I got pg again but miscarried again in January. Then he had to leave again for another 6 months. He'll be home in about 5 days so I'll find out then what, if any bc, he'll be using.

I've read that a woman's peak fertility starts to decline at around age 27 so being 29 or 30 could make a difference. I'm 40 so we'll see. I've had trouble conceiving in the past but I'm not sure what really caused it.

[lilcrunchymama]

We're using withdrawal with a mix of condoms right now. Mostly around my fertile time, but only because DP chooses that. He has been doing more of just the withdrawal lately since we ran out of his "favorite" condoms. He doesn't seem to mind it. We will probably continue that way since I'm charting. That way he knows when I'm fertile and he can still make that decision to withdraw or not.

I turned 21 two weeks before I found out I was pregnant with DD. So, I will admit that I got hammered a few times around those two weeks. I even got a tattoo. She turned out fine. I don't know if I ever drank while I was breastfeeding, but if so it was hardly anything. I guess in my mind I picture someone who gets drunk every day during a pregnancy to have a problem, ya know? My mom drank with my sister, doctor told her to have a beer every night or so to keep her kidney problems at bay. My sister turned out fine, too. But, drinking can be bad regardless of if you're pregnant or not. I think moderation is the key.

[jeninejessica]

MW: Oh I agree. And I mean if I were to have a glass of wine or two before I knew I was pregnant, I wouldn't be freaking out about it. I just know that exactly as you pointed out- since we don't know for sure, I just feel better not taking that risk.

mommyin2008: DH and I had the same problem. He kept saying he didn't want to have a baby until he was in his career. And then once we got to the point where we would have started trying, he clarified that to HIM, "having a baby" included the being pregnant. ie- he didn't want us to get pregnant until he was in his career, even though it would take 9 months to bake the baby. *shakes head* silly men.

As for 'birth control' we've been using exclusively charting with W/D for about 8 months now, but this is supposed to be our official month to start 'whatevering'-- that is, we won't be using any protection, or attempting to avoid in any way, we just won't be actively planning and trying to get pregnant either. Basically like Babycakes said-- while I want to be pregnant, we won't be stressing out about trying to make it happen, just going with the flow. That said-- DH being willing to have a baby now, HAS made me feel more loving towards him

Do we have anyone in the group right now that is post o? I've lost track. I think most of us are still in the early stages of cycles or waiting to o. We could have a very busy thread towards the end of the month again.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by jeninejessica

Do we have anyone in the group right now that is post o? I've lost track. I think most of us are still in the early stages of cycles or waiting to o. We could have a very busy thread towards the end of the month again.

I'm not sure...but I'm not. I'm still waiting to O. Still SPOTTING, fraking AF.

I think it's going to be a very busy end of the month again! <3

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by jeninejessica

Do we have anyone in the group right now that is post o? I've lost track. I think most of us are still in the early stages of cycles or waiting to o. We could have a very busy thread towards the end of the month again.

There's me. I'm 7dpo. But I don't count since I haven't had sex since December.

FF says I won't O in July. We'll see since I've Oed about a week earlier than usual the last 2 cycles. If I do, it won't be until the last couple of days of July.

[jeninejessica]

hehe. We could still chart stalk!! Yours is perhaps the only one more interesting pre-o though, wondering what's going to happen this month, and whether there's going to be much change from the maca. It's been amazing seeing what that stuff is doing for you so far.

[Neuromancer]

Originally Posted by mommyin2008

question:

since this is the "whatevering" thread, what are you all using...or NOT using...lol... for birth control. just wondering.

I was on the BCP for over 10 years (13? 14?), most recently YAZ, but a few months ago I went off it (DH knew, of course). Then, we were using condoms for a couple months, and now we're using nothing and no longer trying to avoid at all.