Need Advice

[sharkysmom]

Okay here is the short version, my xdp moved out a couple of months ago with the plan of us still "working on things" he has recently decided he wants to end it for good.
My ds is 13mths and I am a sahm and we practice ap style parenting. He still bf at least 3 times during the day and a few times during the night, we co-sleep and have for about 6 months, xdp never got up with him at night even when we didnt co-sleep.
Xdp wants to do overnights and in a way I want them to so that they can bond and have time together but in doing some research online there are conflicting opinions as to whether this is good for baby or not.
My ds is not good in strange situations he was a high needs baby and is transitioning into a high needs toodler. He wont sleep in strange places, he wont leave my side if we are in an unfamiliar place, he has seperation anxiety when I leave him with family he knows really well.
Right now the visititaion is two nights during the week and 10-7 on sat. DS seems to be distressed after the Saturday visits and it takes him a very long time to wind down and go to bed.
So I was wondering anyone who had experience or even an opinion as to whether or not overnights are a good idea, I would really appreciate feedback I am having a hard enough time dealing with the actual break up and now I have to make these types of decisions too

[mexicali mami]

I would say no. He needs to breastfeed. He can have day visits.

I'm sorry I can't put this together more eloquently, I just remember during the time that my LO was still nursing, I would have NEVER let him sleep without me. But I didn't pump...

This is a hard time and you will get though it and be happy that you did. Hugs.

[simplemama32]

In our situation (DS is 2 yrs.), I don't feel it's best for DS and I to be separated overnight just yet. If for some reason it was court-ordered, then I would find a way to make it as happy and stress-free as possible, but I will do my best to prevent it from happening...at *this particular age.* I definitely want DS and STBX to have a healthy relationship, so as DS gets older, I think overnights will be a good thing for everyone.

Can you do some sort of gradual visitation that will eventually work up to overnights by the time your DS is 3 or 4 (or whatever age you decide)?

[indiefolklore]

I have a very similar situation. DS just turned two, still nursing and co-sleeping and have been since day one. His father has never had him longer than 2 hours alone and has never gotten him to sleep nor up with him during the night and generally just isn't around much due to work...now he wants at least 2 weekends a month. (well, really threatening court for 50%/full custody.ugh.) four hours away. I really think a lot of it has to do with his mother pushing for it and his 'rights' but i don't this DS is ready at all.

I think next year at 3 is a reasonable age to try out overnights, working up eventually to two possibly three days. My heart breaks just thinking about it and i know seeing his father is important but to me it seems like him being in control and having 'fair share' more than anything. If he truly had an interest on what was best for DS he would 'get it' in my eyes, but then again this is one of the reasons we don't work.


Here are some resources i have come across on the subject through my recent late nite searching on information.

Overnights: The Difference Between Night and Day : Attachment Parenting International

Protecting a Child's Emotional Development When Parents Divorce : Natural Child Project

Helping Children Deal with Divorce : Attachment Parenting Doctor

Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce : Dispute Settle ment Center Pamphlet
( i think the time table laid out in this one is very reasonable and healthy)

Regarding Breastfeeding:
La Leche League - Breastfeeding and Family Law

Also if you haven't check it in the resources - Up To Parents: Great website on co-parenting, mediation and putting the childs needs first.

Sending positive energy you way in dealing with these stressful situations, hope the ex can be somewhat understanding and realize...first, he doesn't miss very much at night and second...he has DC's whole life to be a great father, why rush taking him away from a great mother when they are creating their special bond?