awkward conversation

[AllisonR]

I'm in the car with my friend, her husband and their 10 yo DD. I'm describing our house, which they have never seen - we are in different countries. Last year DH and I redid our olive green / orange / brown bathrooms from 1974. We have a full bathroom upstairs and a half bathroom downstairs. When my friends DH hears we have 1.5 bathrooms he says: "DD, did you hear that? 1.5 bathrooms. That's why you need to do your homework and study in school." I said "this is normal in europe" but he just continued "DD, are you listening? You education is so important because...." She wasn't listening. And I stopped talking.

Very curious - if this were you, how would you feel about this conversation? How would you feel about the 10 yo DD, and your friend?

[NiteNicole]

I don't think I'd feel anything about it. Lots of people encourage their children to work hard so they can have a comfortable home, a nice life. I am not sure why I would feel anything about it one way or another.

[PoppyMama]

its a little wierd. I don't really get it since having more than one bath is not unusual in the states. I live in tax credit housing and we have 2 full baths. If he wanted to sound less antiquated and ridiculous he should have led her to aspire to one of those crazy 4 bath places.
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[baglady]

I would be offended. The subtext is that you didn't do those things or make something of yourself.

I would probably bring it up with my friend in a non-confrontational way just to see her opinion (when her DH isn't around).

[nextcommercial]

Well, how many bathrooms do they have? Was he saying that 1.5 was more than they have? Or less?

I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.

[Wild Lupine]

Very curious - if this were you, how would you feel about this conversation? How would you feel about the 10 yo DD, and your friend?[/QUOTE]

You mean, how would I feel if my house was used as an example of a standard of living to try to avoid? I think I'd feel like getting out of the car, going home, and not spending any more time with them.

Sorry that happened to you. 1.5 bathrooms is pretty normal in the part of the US where I live.

ETA: Um, I think I misinterpreted!

[mama2mygirl]

I don't get it. 1.5 is a lot or a little?

[FaithfulOne]

Originally Posted by onemomentatatime

You mean, how would I feel if my house was used as an example of a standard of living to try to avoid?

I'd be super offended. That was rude, plain and simple.

[Annie Mac]

Did he mean get an education so you can have more than 1.5 bathrooms? Or get an education so you can have more than one bathroom? If it's the first, the guy is a bit on the boorish side, isn't he?

For what it's worth, I have a master's degree, and would absolutely LOVE 1.5 bathrooms, but I see only one bathroom in my immediate future.

[Adamsmama]

wow -- He seems pretty rude and ignorant.

[Wild Lupine]

Um, I just reread your post and realized I misunderstood it. Sorry.

I think I would feel awkward and try to change the subject, too.

[laohaire]

Color me confused. My reading of it was that he was saying "you too could have 1.5 bathrooms, so work hard so you could get this lovely luxury." (Says the woman with 1 bathroom).

But then again I could see how someone might be saying "eek! Only 1.5 bathrooms!" (Says the woman whose parents once had a house with... lemme count... 3 full and 2 half bathrooms... ridiculous if you ask me).

If he was saying "eek! Only 1.5 bathrooms!" then I think this isn't even a debate - shame on him.

If he was saying "ooooh, 1.5 bathrooms, work hard and you'll get there" then I think only weird people like me and some of you guys would feel weird about it.

[ThisCat]

Which ever way he meant it, I don't think it was a particularly good lesson to teach his child about education. But it sounds like maybe she's not keeping up with her work, and he's a bit exasperated. Anyway, it only would have bothered me if he meant she should work hard so she doesn't end up in a place like mine. The other way around might have made me slightly uncomfortable, but no big deal really.

[lilyka]

what an odd thing to say....If he was saying "get an education or you will have a crappy house like hers" I would be ticked off and I would not have held back telling him so. If he was saying "get an education so you can have a nice house like hers" it would just be awkward. I mean who says stuff like that? Bathrooms are not a measure of success. Although I dream of adding a half bath to my basement....I think our one bathroom may not even qualify as a full bath but then I don't know if this house had indoor plumbing when it was built.

And gees, If I ever make enough money to buy a house that has four+ bathrooms I also better be making enough money to hire a cleaning lady I can hardly keep up with my one tiny bathroom.

[staceychev]

Originally Posted by lilyka

If he was saying "get an education or you will have a crappy house like hers" I would be ticked off and I would not have held back telling him so. If he was saying "get an education so you can have a nice house like hers" it would just be awkward.

Ah yes, I went to grad school so that I could up my bathroom quotient.

Honestly, as Americans, we're going to be bit in the ass on this college=financial success thing. I see the posters in my school (high school) all the time: go to college, make more money. Tell that to all the unemployed recent college graduates. Do I still believe in the power of education to transform? Hell, yeah. But, I also think that selling a kid a bill of goods about what material things an advanced education will provide for them is a dangerous road.

OK, rant over.

Yes, OP. I think that the man was rude. Probably pretty oblivious, too.

[Forthwith]

I'd be annoyed. I *hate* being used as some sort of standard other people get measured against. I used to have a friend whose mother would compare us all the time. "Look how kelmendi helps me clear off the table!" etc, etc. But I always replied with "Guess my mother must have raised me right!" so she stopped.

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.

I would actually lay money on hotdog guy being a college student working a summer job.

[ThisCat]

Originally Posted by staceychev

Honestly, as Americans, we're going to be bit in the ass on this college=financial success thing. I see the posters in my school (high school) all the time: go to college, make more money. Tell that to all the unemployed recent college graduates. Do I still believe in the power of education to transform? Hell, yeah. But, I also think that selling a kid a bill of goods about what material things an advanced education will provide for them is a dangerous road.

I agree completely, but we don't know what country this guy is from or where he lives now. While I don't think it was the best thing to tell his child, I could understand why he might feel that way depending on his background. In some places education really does mean a better life.

[petey44]

I don't know- I interpreted it as, "this is a real life example of why you need to learn your decimals. do you understand what she means when she says 1.5 baths? if you had been doing your math homework, you would!"

[CatsCradle]

I don't have any feelings so far, because I can't ascertain if 1.5 bathrooms was seen in a bad or good context per your friend's conversation.

If it was meant to be a negative thing, my first response would be: "So what? It's all relative." DH and I bought a $300k apartment in NYC a few years back. It is at the low end of the real estate market, but it's our castle. One bedroom, one bath, crap 1930's tile and ancient plumbing. One bathroom is the norm here and if you have two, well good for you! We feel rich and at home, and if other people feel differently, than that's their problem. I can't get too worked up about how other people perceive our material possessions. They don't live our life and if they are focusing on it as a grading point, then let them work on it, no sweat off my back. I'm already pretty happy.

[D_McG]

add me to the 'need more info' crowd. It's not clear at all what he meant!