awkward conversation - Page 6

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

We've got a tankless hot water heater for our measly 3.5 bathrooms.

Really? Then you'd think we'd just need 2. We had two different companies out here for estimates and they both told us the same thing - that it just would not work for our house and we'd never keep up with demand and that we would not be able to run things at the same time. How odd. Oh well, the two normal ones were about the same cost as one tankless if I remember correctly.

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Well, how many bathrooms do they have? Was he saying that 1.5 was more than they have? Or less?

I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.

My college-educated friend spent a summer stint as a baseball mascot. In this economy, anything is possible.

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

Yeah, I'd not send any time with them. The guys behavior makes him sound like an elitist jerk.

He probably grew up poor. It's not an excuse for his behavior. Just a (possible) explanation. Even elitist jerks carry their baggage.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie

For the record...

We have two gigantic hot water heaters that keep up nicely.

Why do you need to heat your hot water?

[Hoopin' Mama]

Originally Posted by momasana

I'd rather have one bathroom than bad manners.

Perfect response!

[ThisCat]

Originally Posted by 2xy

Why do you need to heat your hot water?

Probably for the same reason people need to get their money from ATM machines using their PIN numbers.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by ThisCat

Probably for the same reason people need to get their money from ATM machines using their PIN numbers.

And the same reason people contract the HPV virus.

[BunnySlippers]

Originally Posted by 2xy

And the same reason people contract the HPV virus.

Iam sooo lost. Can someone please explain

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by BunnySlippers

Iam sooo lost. Can someone please explain

They're mocking redundancies. HPV virus = human papillomavirus virus. ATM machine = automatic teller machine machine. PIN number = personal identification number number.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by Turquesa

They're mocking redundancies. HPV virus = human papillomavirus virus. ATM machine = automatic teller machine machine. PIN number = personal identification number number.

And a water heater heats, well, HOT water.

[BunnySlippers]

oooohhh! got it

[loraxc]

I would be offended, but I would also assume that the dude was either very socially oblivious or that his culture is more accepting of this sort of remark/attitude.

[laila2]

Hi mountaingirl79

I appreciate a challenge. Thank you for clarifying. I would not discourage my kids from being a doctor. To me blood is not as bad as stuff from the vowels. blood does not smell fowl to me. And my son and I had a discussion about being a dentist the other day. He has a facination with my teeth these days. So I let him touch them. And I explained to him that being a dentist means putting your hands in other people's mouth all day. And my daughter wants a dog, and a horse. I show her people picking up their dog poop while walking the dog all the time to show her what that entails. And tell her a horse is tons of work. But I let them know when they are older they can do whatever they want. I think the draw of delivering babies attracts my daughter. Maybe she would not have to change bed pans forever. She would be a good nurse, born on the same day as Mother Teresa.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by petey44

I don't know- I interpreted it as, "this is a real life example of why you need to learn your decimals. do you understand what she means when she says 1.5 baths? if you had been doing your math homework, you would!"

If it takes until college to figure that out, the rest of the child's education was a complete waste of time. And they should've been let out of their bedroom more often.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Kelmendi

I'd be annoyed. I *hate* being used as some sort of standard other people get measured against. I used to have a friend whose mother would compare us all the time. "Look how kelmendi helps me clear off the table!" etc, etc. But I always replied with "Guess my mother must have raised me right!" so she stopped.

Love it!

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by meemee

OP i am familiar with the culture.

so it does not offend me.

i am assuming that he came from a v. poor background in india.

and for him money means survival. money means freedom from hunger. which to me explains 8 bathrooms.

i see that from the indians i know who run 711 gas stations working 14 to 16 hours a day.

to me it shows love for his children. a wierd way to do it. it shows me how important this is - so much that he forgets where he is and how he speaks. it shows how deeply this affects him and how scared he is for his children.

if i did not have that cultural understanding, i would think differently too.

Originally Posted by wookie

i agree with this. i think it has everything to do with the cultural mulieu that they live in. (i grew up in that milieu as well ) for him, teaching his daughter that studies are paramount is something that is non-negotiable. even if his daughter is a straight A+ student there's always scope for her to be better...because there are millions that *are* better than her gradeswise. if she isn't spectacular she's basically average. also, in that culture praising your own kid in front of others is akin to tooting your horn, so rude. he may have been trying to show you he was humble

he should've had more tact, agreed, but it's best to chalk this up to culture and move on.

ETA: anyone who has 8 bathrooms isn't even thinking about cleaning them. no-one but hired helps (still called servants ) clean bathrooms in india.

Originally Posted by outlier

I also think this is more a cultural difference issue than anything. My family and friends from India see nothing at all wrong with pointing out things that Americans would find highly offensive. Whenever I gain or lose any weight, especially gain, it's pointed out to me and widely discussed. I'm routinely asked all about the acne on my face. They've mostly given up trying to tease me into wearing better clothes or cook better foods because I just don't care. They're not necessarily trying to make me feel terrible (though they often succeed); that's just the way it's done over there. Please know I'm not trying to condone this behavior--I still find it extremely rude and irritating!

I'm happy in my 1-bathroom house, despite what my ILs may think about it. And it's true, bathroom cleaning and most housekeeping duties are done by the "servants" in India.

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

I'm with you! I *only* have 4 bathrooms but we just moved into this place we won at an auction. It's a tiny McMansion, but it has the space and design that suits us very well. I get irked when people look down on me for my house....I guess everyone can feel slighted by others for their own judgements. We got a lot of "Well I'd never live in a development" from people. Oh well, then don't!

Threadjack...

I do agree about the culture. I've met several people from different parts of Asia and one group from S Korea feel free to make comments to my obese brother about his eating. They don't say anything to me and I'm fat. It's just "acceptable" to make comments about him as a single man. My brother certainly doesn't like it but he knows it's their way.

Well up to the last comment there I was going to go on a tirade about sexism.

And because the husband in the original post thought it was OK to talk over the OP I still think it's plain old sexism.

It's always OK to disrespect the little lady.

[sapphire_chan]

If a country is such that having a college degree gets you a home with 8 bathrooms, I'd think the lesson to be learned is to be grateful the rest of the populace is poverty stricken enough to be cheap labor and not be out buying their own houses that'll take up the room you're using for your mansion.

Vs. a country where everyone has 1-2 bathrooms and no one starves.

[scottishmommy]

I find it odd to value having a lot of bathrooms if your goal is to avoid starvation. It seems like the objective is to have a luxurious lifestyle. If he grew up poor why wouldn't he use his suffering in childhood as an example?

[seawind]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

If a country is such that having a college degree gets you a home with 8 bathrooms, I'd think the lesson to be learned is to be grateful the rest of the populace is poverty stricken enough to be cheap labor and not be out buying their own houses that'll take up the room you're using for your mansion.

Vs. a country where everyone has 1-2 bathrooms and no one starves.

the irony is that this cheap labor supplies the bulk of the goods at low prices for people of countries where everyone has 1-2 bathrooms and no one starves. something to be grateful for. it takes a lot more to level the playing field than just a basic college education. it does help your lot, though.

OP, this sounds like one of those situations where people really don't think before speaking.

[Girlprof]

This sounds like a cultural thing to me too. If you're going to have friends from other cultures - real friends, not just acquaintances - you're going to run into stuff like this. We certainly do with US-German friendships and I imagine the gaps are smaller than they would be with India.

Sometimes we ignore this stuff, especially if we know it's a cultural thing and not so important. With close friends, we might launch a big discussion. That takes time and emotional investment so it's not always worth it, but sometimes it is. It's not that at the end we agree that a particular comment was ok or not ok, but we can agree that it is different in the competing cultures. But, I really don't think you are going to find too many cross-cultural friendships without some of this sort of thing. If you want that kind of friendship, you have to figure out how to deal with this stuff when it matters to you.

In any case, your answer that 1.5 is normal for Europe, is a perfectly reasonable one. Different culture, different norms.