awkward conversation - Page 3

[sapientia]

we have 1.5 bathrooms and 7 people in the house, works just fine. I'd rather not have to clean several bathrooms
I had an acquaintance's dh berate me for having more than 2 children one time-she was horrified and I never spoke to her husband again. It was ridiculous. I'm sorry he was so horrid to you.

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Well, how many bathrooms do they have? Was he saying that 1.5 was more than they have? Or less?

I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.

Around here, that person most likely it a college graduate.

We encourage furthering education and not limiting yourself.

[artgoddess]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

What bothered me so much was that he said this in front of me, but sort of over my head, like I wasn't there or it didn't matter if I was there - Like who cares if I hear something offensive about me, I don't count. It's more important his 10 yo DD get this valuable lesson.

And I also felt embarrased for my dear friend, who would never say such a thing, and even if she thought it, she would discuss it later - in private. And I felt awkward for his DD - who is learning that is OK to talk badly about people in front of their face. And she is learning that 1.5 bathrooms is something to be ashamed of.

I hope that clarifies everything.

Yeah, I'd not send any time with them. The guys behavior makes him sound like an elitist jerk.

[TheGirls]

Wow that's pretty horrible. Between my DP and I, we have 4 separate degrees. We had only one bathroom until last week. We've been renovating our basement, so now we have 1.5. We may never have more than that, and we are pretty high income for our area.

What the heck do you do with 8 bathrooms anyhow? Other than hire maids to clean them, that is...

[ThisCat]

Yeah, I'd not send any time with them.

I'm not sure this is something to end a friendship over. Yes, he behaved poorly, but before I wrote him off, I'd try to look at the reasons education and success might be so important to him that he would forget social graces in order to make a point to his child. Then again, maybe he isn't a very thoughtful person in general. But that wouldn't be my first assumption based on a single incident. I'm sure where he lives and his culture has shaped his feelings about the matter.

[alfabetsoup]

Do you know, it's quite possible that your 1.5 bath house is worth more than his 5 bath house. I know our 1 bath house in a European city is worth quite a bit more than most of the mcmansions in the US as are most Manhattan apts--it's all about location! Either way, that was rude, rude, rude.

[mamadebug]

Totally rude and weird! What size of home you have depends quite a bit where in the world you live. We live in the SF Bay area and have 1 bathroom. I am sure there are places in the world where we could afford to have a lot more bathrooms or a much larger house. It is so awkward when people use you as an example for their kids. Sorry it happened to you!

[ledzepplon]

Originally Posted by gcgirl

I thought he meant "you have to learn your fractions".

I was totally confused, obviously!

Me, too! I thought he was trying to get the point across about knowing decimal point/fraction stuff! Like his dd maybe said "I don't need to know that for real life." I totally didn't get the feeling that he was making a comment about the size of the house.

[NiteNicole]

His comment was directed specifically to his DD to teach her a life lesson that if she does not study hard she will end up like me - poor and miserable - because I have only 1.5 bathrooms.

Woah. That's super rude. I think when someone starts in with the rude, it's ok to counter with direct - Hi. Still here. I can hear you. That's just...wow. That's low.

[Ravensong13]

Wow! We have 1.5 bathrooms and in the circle I'm in that's a lot!

It's always a shock to see friends having a negative opinion of us that we had no idea they had! I'd ask him if he keeps me as a friend simply to be a cautionary tale to his daughter! Rude, rude, rude

[lilyka]

[QUOTE=AllisonR;15592428]I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.
[QUOTE]

wow. 8 bathrooms. I don't even think I have 8 rooms in my house. its funny what people consider a status symbol. I would dread having a home with 8 bathrooms to clean.

[cschick]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

OP here. Sorry I wasn't clear. In my view, 1.5 bathrooms is normal, in his view it is very little. I am in europe. They are in India. However, they spent 30+ years in the USA, so you can't excuse his comments as ignorance. I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.

His comment was directed specifically to his DD to teach her a life lesson that if she does not study hard she will end up like me - poor and miserable - because I have only 1.5 bathrooms. Except I actually feel quite comfortable - I mean we have a nice home, a car, can pay bills - no mercedes or yacht.... but I am not poor or miserable. Number of bathrooms does not equal amount of happiness!

Nor, even in the US, does number of bathrooms mean as much about housing value as say, LOCATION does.

Our house has 2.5 bathrooms, my parents house has 1.5 bathrooms. My parents live in a much more valued area, thus their house which is half the size of ours with 1.5 bathrooms is currently valued at more than ours.

(And 1.5 bathrooms or even 1 bathroom is common for houses in their area, since the houses are over a century old. Many have been retrofitted with more bathrooms--the .5 bathroom in their house is a retrofit--but definitely not all.)

[CatsCradle]

OP here. Sorry I wasn't clear. In my view, 1.5 bathrooms is normal, in his view it is very little. I am in europe. They are in India. However, they spent 30+ years in the USA, so you can't excuse his comments as ignorance. I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.

Just curious, OP, is your friend originally from India? My understanding is that there are huge class distinctions in India and this would be particularly engrained if you are a native of India, even if you spent years elsewhere. We have old family friends who were originally from India. Before they came here, they lived in a huge colonial-era type house and had servants. They were not upper caste but had some good fortune at one time. The father gave up everything to come to the U.S. so that his children could have better educational opportunities. Education was seen (at least by this family) as the only way to improve your personal status. If you were not born into a good situation, you had to work on making yourself better, especially in the eyes of everyone else. I think that in the western world is much easier to brush off what we consider strictly consumeristic status as long as we are "happy." While it is true that we have class systems here, I don't think that class has such a hold on our psyches as it may in places like India. Just some random thoughts.

[laila2]

Whatever it was meant as...

I like my bathroom example to my children better. When I saw the Porta Potty cleaners/deliverers, and my 3 yo asked what is that, I took it as a learning moment to tell them we have to get educated so we do not end up doing that. I felt bad after because what if they do end up doing that?

If we did not get what the guy was saying, it probably went over his kids head too.

[Drummer's Wife]

I think it's rude if they really meant if you don't do well in school, you'll only end up with 1.5 bathrooms. WTF does that have to do with anything? Neither DH and I have finished college - and we happen to live in a 5 bed/3 bath big house. Odd. I do agree the kid probably didn't get it (or care). Kids don't think about how many freakin' bathrooms they will have as an adult.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by laila2

I like my bathroom example to my children better. When I saw the Porta Potty cleaners/deliverers, and my 3 yo asked what is that, I took it as a learning moment to tell them we have to get educated so we do not end up doing that. I felt bad after because what if they do end up doing that?

If we did not get what the guy was saying, it probably went over his kids head too.

What if they did? I'm sorry but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about over an honest days work.

I am teaching my son that different people have different jobs because different things need to be done and we all have a job to do. Jobs are different and necessary - not right and wrong.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by laila2

I like my bathroom example to my children better. When I saw the Porta Potty cleaners/deliverers, and my 3 yo asked what is that, I took it as a learning moment to tell them we have to get educated so we do not end up doing that. I felt bad after because what if they do end up doing that?
If we did not get what the guy was saying, it probably went over his kids head too.

Might not be a bad thing! We know a plumber that has a porta potty business and he makes tons of money.

OP - I would look to the father's intentions. Do you think he was intentionally putting you down? Or was it simply an awkward attempt to convey a point to his daughter?

Within my family, there are HUGE cultural differences relating to money and education that have caused friction between friends and relatives.

[ladymeag]

Originally Posted by laila2

I like my bathroom example to my children better. When I saw the Porta Potty cleaners/deliverers, and my 3 yo asked what is that, I took it as a learning moment to tell them we have to get educated so we do not end up doing that. I felt bad after because what if they do end up doing that?

If we did not get what the guy was saying, it probably went over his kids head too.

I worked at a large porta-potty company in the PacNW and the drivers and route guys (cleaning the potties) made more than the college-degreed people working with me in the accounting department - by more than double! They had better hours, more holiday and vacation days, better medical insurance coverage and more job security than the office-folk (drivers are union, office isn't).

Just saying, a college degree doesn't always mean that you'll be better off than someone else. It just means that you put more time and resources into your education - which I consider to be a good thing, education is extremely important to us.

To the OP: I don't think I could continue to be friends with someone who uses me as an example of "this is how you don't want to live." It shows a general disrespect for you, as a person, doing what you can and what is normal within your culture and environment. As an example of "Aren't we so lucky to have so many more bathrooms than that?" or "Isn't it interesting how different houses are in different parts of the world?" would be fine. However, as a "This is why you get a good education; so you don't live like Meaghan does."? How offensive.

[Mama2Bug]

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie

What if they did? I'm sorry but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about over an honest days work.

I am teaching my son that different people have different jobs because different things need to be done and we all have a job to do. Jobs are different and necessary - not right and wrong.

[Drummer's Wife]

There are definitely plumbers that make good money. They make more than a lot of teachers who have masters in education - and most parents don't discourage that field.