awkward conversation - Page 4

[PoppyMama]

wow. I totally misunderstood. Did your friend apologize? I would have a hard time not reporting that success apparently can't buy good manners
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[meemee]

OP i am familiar with the culture.

so it does not offend me.

i am assuming that he came from a v. poor background in india.

and for him money means survival. money means freedom from hunger. which to me explains 8 bathrooms.

i see that from the indians i know who run 711 gas stations working 14 to 16 hours a day.

to me it shows love for his children. a wierd way to do it. it shows me how important this is - so much that he forgets where he is and how he speaks. it shows how deeply this affects him and how scared he is for his children.

if i did not have that cultural understanding, i would think differently too.

[Mountaingirl79]

Yeah, I second, or third, lol....the theory that there absolutely no shame in a hard days work, I dont care if you are a janitor cleaning toilets. Not everyone has the desire to go to college, much less the opportunity. It doesnt make them less than anyone else!

Rant over/ Back to the bathroom thing......I have looked far and wide for a house in this city with more than one bathroom. It seems hard to come by for some reason, unless you get a newer house. LOL Our last house was a 4 bedroom with only one bathroom. ( I do prefer older homes, for personal reasons though, maybe that is it...)
Right now we have an adorable house with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. We live in a great area and I love it! I just dont get the bathroom shame. LOL

So strange to me to judge people like that.

[spughy]

I would just hope that when that 10-year-old gets that extensive education, it helps her to realize that 8 bathrooms is a colossal waste of finite resources.

(Says a woman with 2 degrees and several other qualifications and whatnot, a husband with a PhD, and one bathroom.)

There will come a day in the not-too-distant future when excess is universally derided as crass. I for one cannot wait. I understand the desire of those with little to aspire to more, but there's no excuse for overdoing it. Stockpile gold bullion if you must, but lay off the bathrooms.

[wytchywoman]

Originally Posted by staceychev

Ah yes, I went to grad school so that I could up my bathroom quotient.

Honestly, as Americans, we're going to be bit in the ass on this college=financial success thing. I see the posters in my school (high school) all the time: go to college, make more money. Tell that to all the unemployed recent college graduates. Do I still believe in the power of education to transform? Hell, yeah. But, I also think that selling a kid a bill of goods about what material things an advanced education will provide for them is a dangerous road.

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Well, how many bathrooms do they have? Was he saying that 1.5 was more than they have? Or less?

I am guilty of telling my daughter "That's why you have to go to college" when a guy dressed up as a hotdog was dancing around in a parking lot in Phoenix on the hottest day of the year.

In the current economy we have, I'd bet that chances are at least 50/50 that he DID go to college. Given that you spotted this in AZ ( I live there too) I'd also bet he is probably a teacher that got RIF'd.

[wookie]

Originally Posted by meemee

OP i am familiar with the culture.

so it does not offend me.

i am assuming that he came from a v. poor background in india.

and for him money means survival. money means freedom from hunger. which to me explains 8 bathrooms.

i see that from the indians i know who run 711 gas stations working 14 to 16 hours a day.

to me it shows love for his children. a wierd way to do it. it shows me how important this is - so much that he forgets where he is and how he speaks. it shows how deeply this affects him and how scared he is for his children.

if i did not have that cultural understanding, i would think differently too.

i agree with this. i think it has everything to do with the cultural mulieu that they live in. (i grew up in that milieu as well ) for him, teaching his daughter that studies are paramount is something that is non-negotiable. even if his daughter is a straight A+ student there's always scope for her to be better...because there are millions that *are* better than her gradeswise. if she isn't spectacular she's basically average. also, in that culture praising your own kid in front of others is akin to tooting your horn, so rude. he may have been trying to show you he was humble

he should've had more tact, agreed, but it's best to chalk this up to culture and move on.

ETA: anyone who has 8 bathrooms isn't even thinking about cleaning them. no-one but hired helps (still called servants ) clean bathrooms in india.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by wookie

ETA: anyone who has 8 bathrooms isn't even thinking about cleaning them.

I *only* have 6 but I clean them all.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

OP here. Sorry I wasn't clear. In my view, 1.5 bathrooms is normal, in his view it is very little. I am in europe. They are in India. However, they spent 30+ years in the USA, so you can't excuse his comments as ignorance. I have 1.5 baths and they have 8 bathrooms.

Many of DH's co-workers are from India, and they say things like this all the time. "Let me tell you about the castle I lived in in India..." (Seriously, someone said that to me at a company picnic.) I mostly ignore the stories because one of DH's friends (also Indian) told us that it's not really true, but that many of DH's co-workers realize no one will know the difference!

[lovingmommyhood]

Super rude!!! I'd NEVER want 8 bathrooms. Wow. I would've had to spout off to that guy. The nerve.

[flower01]

all I can say is I have 3 bathrooms in a small house. The house is too small for us, but we barely use the 3rd bathroom...it's just one more thing to clean that doesn't benefit us. I'd gut the bathroom and make it a closet if I owned. I'd be very happy with 1.5 baths.

[outlier]

I also think this is more a cultural difference issue than anything. My family and friends from India see nothing at all wrong with pointing out things that Americans would find highly offensive. Whenever I gain or lose any weight, especially gain, it's pointed out to me and widely discussed. I'm routinely asked all about the acne on my face. They've mostly given up trying to tease me into wearing better clothes or cook better foods because I just don't care. They're not necessarily trying to make me feel terrible (though they often succeed); that's just the way it's done over there. Please know I'm not trying to condone this behavior--I still find it extremely rude and irritating!

I'm happy in my 1-bathroom house, despite what my ILs may think about it. And it's true, bathroom cleaning and most housekeeping duties are done by the "servants" in India.

[NYCVeg]

Oooh! Oooh! I think I might win the education:bathroom ratio contest. Between us, dh and I have: two Ivy League undergrad degrees, one master's degree, one PhD, and a law degree from a top-five law school. We have exactly ONE bathroom.

This whole conversation reminds me of an incident with my MIL. My parents, who are city dwellers, finally bought an apartment after years and years of renting. Their new apartment is GORGEOUS. It only has one bathroom, however, where the rental had two. After we saw it for the first time with the ILs, my MIL went on and on (like, for days) about how she didn't understand how they could go from two bathrooms to one. She simply could not wrap her mind around it.

[BunnySlippers]

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie

What if they did? I'm sorry but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about over an honest days work.

I am teaching my son that different people have different jobs because different things need to be done and we all have a job to do. Jobs are different and necessary - not right and wrong.

you got that right!

I can't believe some of the stuff people are telling thier kids, how snobbishly rude can you be?

[Smokering]

I *only* have 6 but I clean them all.

Really? 6 bathrooms? That fascinates me. Do you have a whole bunch of kiddies, or live in a hotel or something? Do you find you use them all, or just a couple of the most convenient ones?

I only have one bathroom, and rented at that, so I can't wrap my head around six. or eight. Eight is more rooms than I have in my house. And I have a degree. Fascinating.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by Smokering

Really? 6 bathrooms? That fascinates me. Do you have a whole bunch of kiddies, or live in a hotel or something? Do you find you use them all, or just a couple of the most convenient ones?

I only have one bathroom, and rented at that, so I can't wrap my head around six. or eight. Eight is more rooms than I have in my house. And I have a degree. Fascinating.

We do use them all, especially when entertaining which is a LOT. Last weekend and this weekend we have 4-6 overnight guests. Sunday I had 25 people here. You need potties!

I have one in the basement - which is nice because I have a bedroom down there so guests don't have to go upstairs to shower.

I have two on the main level. For large parties this is really a must - a normal dinner party for us is 12-14, parties are usually 25-40. Plus, if you are at one end of the house it would be a PITA to walk all the way to the other to go to the bathroom.

Upstairs the master and the guest room have their own bathrooms and 2 bedrooms share a bath. Again, awesome when I have a housefull of people which is often.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie

I have two on the main level. For large parties this is really a must - a normal dinner party for us is 12-14, parties are usually 25-40. Plus, if you are at one end of the house it would be a PITA to walk all the way to the other to go to the bathroom.

This is a normal night at my grandparents' house. Having 40 people over on Sunday to eat is nothing, but you know, they manage without 6 bathrooms. It's just not even a luxury I think I would splurge on. I'd spend more on a larger library for my house or upgrade the sunroom or something before I would pay to have 6 bathrooms.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

This is a normal night at my grandparents' house. Having 40 people over on Sunday to eat is nothing, but you know, they manage without 6 bathrooms. It's just not even a luxury I think I would splurge on. I'd spend more on a larger library for my house or upgrade the sunroom or something before I would pay to have 6 bathrooms.

Well, we didn't build this house or remodel it, it came this way. We love the layout and the location and it works for us. YMMV and that's ok.

I just started out trying to show that some people have that many baths and still clean them. In no way do I think they are necessary or a status symbol but they are convenient. That's all.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie

Well, we didn't build this house or remodel it, it came this way. We love the layout and the location and it works for us. YMMV and that's ok.

I just started out trying to show that some people have that many baths and still clean them. In no way do I think they are necessary or a status symbol but they are convenient. That's all.

I'm with you! I *only* have 4 bathrooms but we just moved into this place we won at an auction. It's a tiny McMansion, but it has the space and design that suits us very well. I get irked when people look down on me for my house....I guess everyone can feel slighted by others for their own judgements. We got a lot of "Well I'd never live in a development" from people. Oh well, then don't!

Threadjack...

I do agree about the culture. I've met several people from different parts of Asia and one group from S Korea feel free to make comments to my obese brother about his eating. They don't say anything to me and I'm fat. It's just "acceptable" to make comments about him as a single man. My brother certainly doesn't like it but he knows it's their way.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

This is a normal night at my grandparents' house. Having 40 people over on Sunday to eat is nothing, but you know, they manage without 6 bathrooms.

We're renting a single-family home that has two full baths and one half bath. I can't recall a single instance during any party in which more than one bathroom was needed. Nobody ever goes downstairs or upstairs to use the bathroom, even when there are more than a couple of dozen people here. They use the one on the main floor. How many people can possibly need to potty at the same time? Even when someone is sort of waiting to use the bathroom and I remind them that there are two other ones, they would rather just wait a couple of minutes.

Last year when my grandma passed away, there were six extra people staying in her house, plus my uncle who lives in it, and a few other relatives that were staying in a nearby motel but spending most of the day at the house. That house has one bathroom in it. It wasn't an issue.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by 2xy

We're renting a single-family home that has two full baths and one half bath. I can't recall a single instance during any party in which more than one bathroom was needed. Nobody ever goes downstairs or upstairs to use the bathroom, even when there are more than a couple of dozen people here. They use the one on the main floor. How many people can possibly need to potty at the same time? Even when someone is sort of waiting to use the bathroom and I remind them that there are two other ones, they would rather just wait a couple of minutes.

Last year when my grandma passed away, there were six extra people staying in her house, plus my uncle who lives in it, and a few other relatives that were staying in a nearby motel but spending most of the day at the house. That house has one bathroom in it. It wasn't an issue.

What difference does it make? The poster said they have a lot of company and many bathrooms which was an asset. When did this become a pissing contest about who *needs* how many potties and if they're "allowed" to have them....

I really don't get this holier-than-thou, "this is how many bathrooms I would have, dang nabbit!" thing going on here.