Okay, he will be 4 this month but he's not yet. And sorry, this is long.
If my older son is the least bit tired or hungry, he is completely impossible to be around. It's difficult because he also fights sleep (of course). I can deal with the general tantrums and whining, and even the physical violence towards objects (knocking down chairs, etc.), but he is also extremely violent towards his younger brothers, who are 2. The truth is, he hurts them when he's not in one of his moods, too, but it's worse if he gets mad at me when he is tired. He will try to push them off of chairs, shove them in the face so they fall over, kick them, lay on top of them (that's a favorite), just terrorize them in any way. Recently he found a crochet hook and started stabbing one of them in the back with it
They are pretty scared of him when he gets like that.
Oh, another trigger is him wanting everything to be his. If his brothers are playing with anything, he wants it, and he will use violence to get it. He basically fancies himself the dictator of the house, and continues to do so even though I always intervene in those situations.
I know that a lot of this is normal for his age, although I do believe his case is a bit extreme. He has other things going on: he had twin brothers born prematurely when he was only 21 months old, and there are a *lot* of jealousy issues there regardless of how much alone time he gets with me. His father died when he was just over 3. And now he knows that I will be going to school full-time starting in August, which he is upset about.
He sees a psychiatrist semi-regularly. The doctor says he is a very intelligent kid, has a lot of anxiety, and has obsessive and compulsive behaviors. But overall he is doing really well. FWIW, he has always been high needs, from birth. In general he is a complete angel in public, too, so nobody who hasn't seen it believes the way he acts when nobody else is looking. But he does have a very, very bad temper, and obviously issues dealing with anger.
What would you do when he gets like that? I'm just at a loss. I'm mostly interested in protecting my twins, both physically and mentally, from the bullying older brother. I think my older boy needs to learn skills to cope with his anger, and needs to get better sleep, but both of those are difficult problems to tackle (or even figure out how to tackle). In the meantime I really don't want anybody to get hurt.
(We're also transitioning right now to a Waldorf-based environment, and I find it difficult because of all of this. Sometimes everything will be going along great when out of the blue my older boy will punch one of his brothers in the head. He also gets incredibly hyperactive, in a frenetic way, very often, especially first thing in the morning and in the evenings. Not exactly the calm Waldorf ideal lol I've considered food sensitivities...what would be most likely, wheat? He has a grandfather with celiac disease but tested negative himself 2 years ago. We're vegans and I seriously think if I have to cut out wheat I will have my own little tantrum
)
If my older son is the least bit tired or hungry, he is completely impossible to be around. It's difficult because he also fights sleep (of course). I can deal with the general tantrums and whining, and even the physical violence towards objects (knocking down chairs, etc.), but he is also extremely violent towards his younger brothers, who are 2. The truth is, he hurts them when he's not in one of his moods, too, but it's worse if he gets mad at me when he is tired. He will try to push them off of chairs, shove them in the face so they fall over, kick them, lay on top of them (that's a favorite), just terrorize them in any way. Recently he found a crochet hook and started stabbing one of them in the back with it
They are pretty scared of him when he gets like that.Oh, another trigger is him wanting everything to be his. If his brothers are playing with anything, he wants it, and he will use violence to get it. He basically fancies himself the dictator of the house, and continues to do so even though I always intervene in those situations.
I know that a lot of this is normal for his age, although I do believe his case is a bit extreme. He has other things going on: he had twin brothers born prematurely when he was only 21 months old, and there are a *lot* of jealousy issues there regardless of how much alone time he gets with me. His father died when he was just over 3. And now he knows that I will be going to school full-time starting in August, which he is upset about.
He sees a psychiatrist semi-regularly. The doctor says he is a very intelligent kid, has a lot of anxiety, and has obsessive and compulsive behaviors. But overall he is doing really well. FWIW, he has always been high needs, from birth. In general he is a complete angel in public, too, so nobody who hasn't seen it believes the way he acts when nobody else is looking. But he does have a very, very bad temper, and obviously issues dealing with anger.
What would you do when he gets like that? I'm just at a loss. I'm mostly interested in protecting my twins, both physically and mentally, from the bullying older brother. I think my older boy needs to learn skills to cope with his anger, and needs to get better sleep, but both of those are difficult problems to tackle (or even figure out how to tackle). In the meantime I really don't want anybody to get hurt.
(We're also transitioning right now to a Waldorf-based environment, and I find it difficult because of all of this. Sometimes everything will be going along great when out of the blue my older boy will punch one of his brothers in the head. He also gets incredibly hyperactive, in a frenetic way, very often, especially first thing in the morning and in the evenings. Not exactly the calm Waldorf ideal lol I've considered food sensitivities...what would be most likely, wheat? He has a grandfather with celiac disease but tested negative himself 2 years ago. We're vegans and I seriously think if I have to cut out wheat I will have my own little tantrum
)
