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It's harder when DH is at home

post #1 of 52
Thread Starter 
For some crazy reason it is harder for me to take care of kids when my husband is at home. I don't get it!

We have three kids (4, 2, and 6 months). I stay home with them, and my oldest just recently started part time preschool. When I am home alone with them, I manage ok. When my husband is home, it feels like everyone goes crazy and everyone loses their temper very easy.

Am I the only one who experiences this??
post #2 of 52
Not crazy at all!! I am exactly like this. My DH works from home one day a week and then can ask for other days pretty much whenever he wants. He's been into the office twice in the last three weeks and it's driving me crazy. He finally left today for a little while and I felt that I could breath again. We were back into our routines and my DS (3) and I did not have any arguing and I got everything accomplished I hoped to today.

So no... you are not alone!
post #3 of 52
This is how I feel as well. When there is someone else to help out I expect it. So when he just sits there waiting for me to do everything it irritates me. When we are at the park or whatever I expect him to do half of what I usually do, but instead I am still the one pushing the kids, following them making sure they don't do anything dangerous.

He usually just gets in my way to be honest. If you aren't going to help, then why are you even here?

This often leads to me being in a bad temper because I feel like I have to make up for what he doesn't do. Sometimes when I leave the kids with him while I run to the store with just the babe the house is literally turned upside down- as in furniture physically flipped over and everything pulled out of the areas and strewn about. Yikes,sorry to hijack. Your thread title just sang to me LOL
post #4 of 52
Thread Starter 
Good to know I'm not alone in this..

It's not that he doesn't help. He does, quite a bit. It's just that when we are both with the kids, they are a lot more wound up and a lot less cooperative. And half way through the day I lose my temper and become this ugly barking parent that I resent. It's almost like.. When we are together with DH, we create this cloud of negativity that is toxic for the whole family.

I don't want it to be this way... What can I do to make it better?
post #5 of 52


Totally the same here. I think the reason is that dh being at work is part of our daily routine. So when he's home, by the very nature of thigns our "routine" feels off. We want to spend that time with him, so we don't do things we normally do, or in the order we normally do them, so that makes things feel off. Added to that, he really isn't a happy person just sitting around and relaxing, so if he doesn't have a project to do (with or without the kids helping) he's kind of cranky.
post #6 of 52
Yes, things are out of whack when DH is here. Our routine is totally interrupted!
post #7 of 52
Yes. And I don't think it is my husband's fault at all. But it is just that my kids go nutty when their dad is home because they are all excited. And also sometimes when he is home I feel like I can have a little time "off" too (like from cleaning and such) so it seems to throw off the routine a bit for everyone.
post #8 of 52
I'm glad you posted this! I feel the same way.
post #9 of 52
Me too. It makes me crazy.
post #10 of 52
Same here! I was actually thinking this past weekend I needed to start a thread about it to see if I was the only one.

Weekends are crazy around here. The kids are all excited because daddy is home, but daddy needs some to relax because he exhausted from the work week, and I have all these expectations about things I need to get done because he's home, and we all just end up getting on each others nerves.

It's worse when we try to hang out at home. The more we get out the better. But then we get no time to relax or getting anything done around here. Funny thing is though, I look forward to them every week like somehow this one is going to be different.
post #11 of 52
Me too sometimes. All my FB friends will be whining about Mondays and I'll be happy to have my peaceful house back.
post #12 of 52
Count me in! As much as I love DH and his company, and as wonderful as a husband and father he is, I prefer him at work during the week!

When he is home during the week, our whole routine goes out the window or its off. Just adding one more person throws it off esp since he might not know what it is we have to do etc.

The only exception is Tues and Thurs afternoons when he is home before 3pm. A lot of times he will pick up either dd at school depending on time he arrives. They enjoy Daddy picking them up.
post #13 of 52
I needed to read this thread!

DH might accept a work from home job, and I'm nervous. When he is home, I feel like I do everything I usually do and more -- maybe b/c I'm cleaning up after him or expecting some level of help and/or company. I'm afraid of the stress this new situation might create. And I thought I was a terrible wife for thinking all of this!!
post #14 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
I needed to read this thread!

DH might accept a work from home job, and I'm nervous. When he is home, I feel like I do everything I usually do and more -- maybe b/c I'm cleaning up after him or expecting some level of help and/or company. I'm afraid of the stress this new situation might create. And I thought I was a terrible wife for thinking all of this!!
Bolding mine. But seriously, I expect him to help out and instead he trashes the house and the kids go nutty.

Yeah. I've been working on him doing more chores. That's going well, as previously, he did none.

Liz
post #15 of 52
post #16 of 52
Yep, I'm on this bandwagon...mine works from home EVERYDAY. It has seriously taken some getting used to. It's not that he doesn't help, but he's also the one whose clothes never make it into the hamper, dishes sit 2 inches away from the dishwasher. Now that I'm pregnant, I seemly can't do anything myself and he is driving me nuts. It's nice to be taken care of, but on some level I think there is the thought that I seriously can't do things. He's in the process of selling all kinds of things, paying things off so he can *really* be home and not have to stress so much about money coming in...WHAT?!? Someone help me
post #17 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by elfimka View Post
For some crazy reason it is harder for me to take care of kids when my husband is at home. I don't get it!

We have three kids (4, 2, and 6 months). I stay home with them, and my oldest just recently started part time preschool. When I am home alone with them, I manage ok. When my husband is home, it feels like everyone goes crazy and everyone loses their temper very easy.

Am I the only one who experiences this??
I understand your sentiment. It is a little different here but I, too, feel it is harder to get things done when my husband is home.
post #18 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by justduckyangie View Post
Yep, I'm on this bandwagon...mine works from home EVERYDAY. It has seriously taken some getting used to. It's not that he doesn't help, but he's also the one whose clothes never make it into the hamper, dishes sit 2 inches away from the dishwasher. Now that I'm pregnant, I seemly can't do anything myself and he is driving me nuts. It's nice to be taken care of, but on some level I think there is the thought that I seriously can't do things. He's in the process of selling all kinds of things, paying things off so he can *really* be home and not have to stress so much about money coming in...WHAT?!? Someone help me
OMG! I thought I was the only one!! I was going to come back and post that that is why I'm more stressed out when he's home. It's just more to clean, pick up... etc. For example last week, I spent an hour or so really cleaning the kitchen, it was sparkling, I run out to the store and come back to a dirty shirt on the kitchen counter, plates and cups near the empty dishwasher and crumbs all over...
post #19 of 52
So true here. Actually I was in heaven last year when he went away for a week and left me alone with the kids. He sees his only job when he is home with the kids to be playing with them. Last night we ate on paper goods because our kitchen is being redone and he did not even put the trash in the trash can!
post #20 of 52
I have a hard time with this, too--total surprise, as DH and I were home a lot together Before Kid and it was fine.

Some reasons it's annoying here:
- too much negotiating during the day. I get tired of having to work out which of us is going to do which naptime and which bedtime routine with DD. Wish we had more routines worked out. But that feels so...conventional.
- he tries to help by doing extra work but it's work that helps him, not me. (WHY are you working on that project?) Our solution to that is I keep a honey-do list on the fridge of things that need fixing/doing.
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