Here is my problem and I'd love some kind words and advice with it. I say kind because my emotions are up in the air at the moment and I cry at pretty much everything. Haha... I'm typically a very level headed person so the whole crying at the drop of a hat is really hurting my tough girl ego. 
Anyways so I came to the idea of UCing at first due to finances and then once I looked into it more it just seemed perfect for me... Then all of a sudden I'm getting cold feet over it. Its not that I don't think my body can handle it or I'm expecting a bunch of complications... I just suddenly feel uneasy about being 20 minutes away from the hospital and when your in the height of labor 20 minutes is a long time.. Plus my boyfriend drives really slow so it would probably be closer to 30 minutes. There is a hospital just down the street from me but I've been told that if your in labor and go there they will transfer you to the hospital 20-30 minutes away via ambulance. Plus its a stinky hospital anyways... haha and that's saying it nicely.
My biggest problem is I don't want a hospital birth... I loath the idea of it even though I had a fairly good experience the 1st time, I can't afford either of the 2 midwives in my area, there is no birthing center with in 2 hours from me that takes medi-cal, and honestly my ideal birth would be unassisted but not unattended... I would like to do it alone but have the security of having a midwife either on call or just a couple houses down the street at my Nana's house for a just in case. So idk. I feel sad that I suddenly lost my confidence in doing it alone. I'm angry that my only two choices are completely unassisted or hospital. I just don't know what to do at this point and am very overwhelmed with both decisions.
Anyways so I came to the idea of UCing at first due to finances and then once I looked into it more it just seemed perfect for me... Then all of a sudden I'm getting cold feet over it. Its not that I don't think my body can handle it or I'm expecting a bunch of complications... I just suddenly feel uneasy about being 20 minutes away from the hospital and when your in the height of labor 20 minutes is a long time.. Plus my boyfriend drives really slow so it would probably be closer to 30 minutes. There is a hospital just down the street from me but I've been told that if your in labor and go there they will transfer you to the hospital 20-30 minutes away via ambulance. Plus its a stinky hospital anyways... haha and that's saying it nicely.
My biggest problem is I don't want a hospital birth... I loath the idea of it even though I had a fairly good experience the 1st time, I can't afford either of the 2 midwives in my area, there is no birthing center with in 2 hours from me that takes medi-cal, and honestly my ideal birth would be unassisted but not unattended... I would like to do it alone but have the security of having a midwife either on call or just a couple houses down the street at my Nana's house for a just in case. So idk. I feel sad that I suddenly lost my confidence in doing it alone. I'm angry that my only two choices are completely unassisted or hospital. I just don't know what to do at this point and am very overwhelmed with both decisions.
And most importantly, follow your gut!
So if you really think its your ideal choice and want to do it maybe just learning more and reading about it and UC stories will help bring you to be more confident. I know its helped me TONS!
