"I don't know; YOU tell me"

[crittersmum]

'Just a small concern, but this is my 3 year old's response to a lot of our "What do you think?" type of questions:

• Reading a story for the umpteenth time, "What do you think happens to the bear?" "I don't know; you tell me."
• At the end of the day, "What was your high point today?" "I don't know; you tell me."

She gets irritated and even slightly upset when we try to encourage her to answer herself or "make a guess." I don't think we've given her the idea that there is only one correct answer to questions. She's in care two mornings a week and I don't think they do it there, either.
Anyone come up against this? Is it another grammar-building exercise like the endless "Why?"'s or is there something we can do to encourage her to give her own responses?

[GoBecGo]

My DD1 does this sometimes with me but very very often with her dad (XP). He complained to me about it and i watched it for a few months and came to several conclusions:

1. she is a perfectonist and so is he and i'm NOT. So i think sometimes she will answer me when she knows *I* don't care for the "right answer" where she won't answer him because he will care more, push for the "right" answer etc. - he truly is't aware he's doing it, but i found him (as a non-perfectionist) quite a nag sometimes and i think maybe she does too, especially as she "nags" herself about things anyway.

2. he talks too much. He asks her something and when she doesn't answer he fills her silence with encouragement/insistence/discussion about the potential answer. She can't think then anyway because he's chatting and she's 4 and SO easily distracted, and then he has to try t draw her back to the question and she gets frustrated that he's bagining on about it - vicious circle.

3. He tests her. A lot. The other day we had a disagreement because she nearly walked ito the road (i always hand-hold, he doesn't, she was walking with him, i'd crossed already) and he spent literally 25 minutes trying to get her to tell him HOW to cross a road. He wanted to hear "stop, look both ways, listen - is it safe to cross?" and she wouldn't say it. Eventually she did, after nearly half an hour of nagging, and i thought "i know how a plane flies, but i can't do it myself!". Anyway he does it with everything "how many are there?" "what is that letter?" "what colour is it?" and because he INSISTS upon an answer it seems to take the joy out of it in some way for her. I tend to ask those questions but leave them unanswered and open ended, so it might get her thinking, but not necessarily out loud.

Have you tried answering yourself? Like "i wonder what happens to the bear next? I think he...[some ridiculous thing NOT i the book]" or "how was your day? mine was good, my favorit bit was...."? If she's a perfectionist she might value reflection but not feel she wants to share her own. Why is it important to you that she gives her own responses?

[CarrieMF]

She's 3. I'd stop the questions for a while. At this age if you're going to ask questions ask questions where they can answer yes/no. Did you like that book - yes/no. Did you have fun today - yes/no. In a couple of years you can start the open ended questions more often. If you still want to ask open ended questions now you can, but limit them to every couple of days. You could also ANSWER the question too.

[meemee]

yup i'd stop the questions too.

i remember following a parents guidance when at 3 my dd asked me an open ended question i asked her what do you think? she said 'i dont know. i am not the adult here. YOU are. YOU tell ME!!!!'

i agree with everything written by pp.

btw my dd hates answering those kinds of questions too. i rarely asked her those questions.

[romacox]

Very normal for a three year old. Their brains are not usually developed enough to figure out a sequence of events.

Actually the part where She says, "you tell me" sounds pretty inventive, and could be an indication of high intelligence, and a rather independent one.

Sequencing is an important part of learning to read, and you can begin teaching it to her through this simple activity:
How to Teach the Reading Element - Sequencing

[bonamarq]

I don't mean to be flip - and it's sort of in line with pp - but maybe your child finds the questions inane - "we both know the answer to this question b/c we've read it a million times?" just a wild guess, but also more likely if a very bright, verbal child....