Life is too short to be this annoyed

[busymama77]

I'm annoyed at the fact that it's now been over a month since my DH's birthday, my parents have seen him 3 times and still haven't given him his present. He's a bit annoyed by it, too, but says that if he were to get something now, he would feel awkward.

I'm annoyed at the fact that my Mom decides to give me some shirts that she no longer wanted but those shirts REEK of cigarette smoke!

I'm annoyed at the fact that my parents decide to hit the road right before my family and my IL's headed out to see the fireworks on the 4th. This was supposed to be a family gathering - not an eat-and-run event. Their excuse - had to let out the dog. It had only been a few hours - never been an issue before.

I'm annoyed at the fact that whenever we ask my parents to watch the kids or see if they are available, she gets a very 'iffy' attitude and acts like she has a busy schedule. When before W was born, they would practically BEG to watch DS#1!

I'm annoyed at the fact that my parents NEVER ask us to go anywhere, never have us over for dinner (except for Father's Day this year and that was the first time in a very long time). We have them over quite a bit, any event that we are going to, they are asked to go. My IL's are always thinking of things to do or they hear of something, they'll ask and see if DS#1 would be interested in going.

I'm annoyed at the fact that my mom lets her job take over her life and doesn't leave much time for living or spending time with her family. It's ALWAYS something about work.

Ugh...I feel slightly better. Now, how to bring this up to my own mother?

[sapientia]

Same siutation, here. Even the showing up for a first birthday party and leaving after 15 minutes and when a friend of mine asked them WHY they would leave so soon they replied 'places to go and things to do.'
I brought it up a few times to my parents (when my dad was alive). They let me know in no uncertain terms they were too 'cool' to be grandparents. So I let it go-took time, took a lot of work to let it go...but for the most part I don't fret like I did. They missed a lot, and it hurt for a long time but I just stopped inviting.
When my dad died I thought my mom would get the proverbial wake-up call. Nope. She's more involved in her ANIMALS. So, I don't include her-I let her know stuff is going on but she doesn't show. Ever.

I hope your mom is more receptive than mine was/is. Thing is-it doesn't seem, for whatever reason, that your parents want to be involved. It's not fair, maybe not even 'right'. But it's their loss. ((hugs))

[windsorheightsmom]

I apologize if this reply is inappropriate, but I think you said it in your title. Life is too short to get annoyed over this kind of thing. I'm not saying you don't have a right to feel annoyed, but this is what my grandfather would have called "small potatoes."

My perspective is that of someone whose parents died long before my kids were born. I would give anything to have my parents able to spend any time with my kids, even infrequently, even if they left after a few hours to go let the dog out, even if it was always at my house and not theirs, even if I felt my mom was too wrapped up with other concerns besides her grandchildren, even if her hand-me-downs to me smelled bad.

[mumkimum]

We've been in a similar position here - what's helped us find a way (somewhat) to not be annoyed is that BIL and SIL with their ds (same age as our dd1) have had to live with MIL once or twice, for a few months. We see her get involved with their family the way she seems to tell us she wants to with ours/the way we generally expect out of our experiences & what she says to us (fyi we live 15-20 minutes away from her).
We realize that we'd have to live with her to get what we want out of the relationship which would make us go crazy we would completely hate, and that what we think we'd get out of the relationship (fulfilled expectations about time with our family) is not worth what we'd have to give up (freedom/self-respect/becoming a push-over for her wishes & being manipulated to doing things her way/having our parental wishes get ignored and deemed unimportant.)

We do have to keep reminding ourselves that, in a way, there are some very good things that come out of NOT having our expectations filled since it would only happen on her terms (bringing some major negatives to our family).

We're really into being together with our extended family and end up feeling hurt, sure. We try to find other people to share our time with who we don't have to deal with all that extra stuff - it takes time, but that's what it is.

I don't know that this is something you will actually find a way to change. If it's wearing on you right now - try to let it go a little, invite a little less often, don't expect them to come to stuff, etc.