regarding turning to Judaism

[TzippityDoulah]

I hope this email doesn't offend anyone... I'm not looking for anyone's approval but i need to get a few things off of my chest.

ok so some of you might remember me from a while ago. I have been a Christian (anabaptist) for some time. I've actually been on here talking to moms and even debated in some of the other forums. I've learned a lot from other mamas here...

anyhow for a while I was debating some Jewish mamas about things. and I don't know how to say this ... so I will just say it. I was blown away by how little i actually knew about the "old testament". For some reason I was compelled to by a Torah and try to learn more about my Christian heritage... (or so I thought!) I know A LOT of Chirstian History and I'm well versed in the "New testament" but as many Christians I didn't know a whole lot about the Torah besides the basic "adam and eve" and "ten commandments" etc. I can still feel quite knowledgeable about the NT but... how much is that worth if I don't know anything about the Torah? So I needed to know... and so I read... and read... and read...

and I learned that most things I had been taught were in error. ok, I thought, "I will just relearn it and know it right". So I began studying, a lot. and praying a lot. and reading, a lot. and well... I began to realize something is off. I was met with the realizations that what I have been clinging too my whole adult life isn't what I thought it was. and it wasn't a matter of spirituality but of fact.... I guess I mean to say, for one small example I totally misunderstood many of the torah stories. Like their meaning was completely different from what I was taught... and once I opened my eyes it became very clear to me.

so I kinda had a spiritual identity crisis. frankly i didn't wanna stop being christian b/c it was all I knew as a religious adult. My entire life was built around it and I was a better person because of it. etc. So I went through much depression, crying and praying. I didn't know what to do. I thought I could maintain being a christian with personal different views from the common. but one day I realized that just wasn't an option. I didn't believe Jesus was God.... and I don't believe in the trinity... and i don't believe in Hell. How can I be a Christian who doesn't believe that?

I tried coming here to find some help... but I think it confused my head even more. I asked about Messianic Jews/Christians. I asked about reform Judaism. and everything in between. I was trying to reach for something that might still be kinda familiar.... but it wasn't working. So I decided to stop asking and trying to figure out what label I was.... and just pray for guidance.

and then I found someone mentioning the term "Noachide". I didn't know what it meant so I looked it up. Hey! that's me! I'm a Noachide! so I was excited to realize I did have a place in this world in God's eyes. The only downside is that so many people think of Noachides as "wannabe jews". and perhaps some do what to to be Jews... but Noachides have their own place and own identity in and of it's self. A many people look down on them not truly understanding what it is... or even worse call it a "cult" because they don't truly understand it... etc frankly it just sounded like a lot of drama!

Fpr some reason or another I started listening to an Orthodox fellow online. My husband came across him and just really enjoyed his approach. and he mentioned God's love to the nations (not just Jews). I had never heard of this side of Judaism. I just really didn't understand Judaism aside from how I felt about it as a Christian. anyhow with much prayer I came to the conclusion that I was actually noachide even though I hadn't know there was a name for it. (it's a man-made name anyhow, unlike Israeal whom God named... but that's another topic)

so I've been settling into my new life as a good person who wants to honor god. NOT a Christian. whatever term you want to us.

but... my heart wants more. I wanted to make I wasn't just trying to jump from religion to religion before I further explored the option. I thought being Noachide would be enough.... but i feel pushed for more. I have a longing to do more. to observe more. to know God more. the more i try to ignore it the stronger it becomes. it's like my SOUL wants it. (not my head)

so now... i am contemplating converting to orthodox Judaism.

It's a lot to commit to. being Jewish isn't just a religion, but a culture that one must asked to be let into. one must be taught and nurtured... and well it's just no piece of cake. it isn't like Christianity where you can just say "I'm Christian" and then you are; it takes a lot time to become a jew.

I'm not sure yet if I'm going to go through with it. I'm looking into it. i have contact with my local Chabad house. if I do convert it will probably take me a whiel before full conversion as I have 3 kids and I need to give them time to get used to our new places. and my parents... oh boy. that's going to take some time for them to get used to! heh but that's another topic.

I guess my point is.... I'm not sure yet where I am going. Maybe I will just be a very pious type person. Maybe I will fully convert. time will tell. but for now I'm studying. a lot. and praying a lot. and I would love to be able to talk to any mamas here who have gone down this road before... but first I needed to "out" myself

and thank you to all the mamas that have helped me a long this path. even the ones who came down hard on me. You all have helped me in all sorts of ways and I'm glad to have "known" you.

Edited by TzippityDoulah - 12/28/11 at 11:49am

[sagewinna]

It sounds like your journey is not one you are taking lightly and I wish you much joy in it!

[Gypsymama22girls]

I am in the process of converting to Orthodox Judaism (along with my 2 daughters), my husband is a born Jew. We should be done soon (G-d willing). So if you have any questions feel free to PM me or post here...although I can't guarantee I will be able to find my way back to this thread...lol. Also just so that you know...if you are married you will not be allowed to convert unless your husband does too. And it will likely be more difficult for him because it is very demanding as far as daily davening and all.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by Gypsymama22girls

Also just so that you know...if you are married you will not be allowed to convert unless your husband does too. And it will likely be more difficult for him because it is very demanding as far as daily davening and all.

thank you Yes, I did know... he wants to convert. for whatever reason we have both equally wanted this which makes me more. I would never try to push someone into a religious decision they didn't want for themselves. He knows how much is required of him... he's been taking on daily prayers (though not the exact Jewish ones) to get his head and heart in the rhythm and right place. and he studies a lot. It hasn't shied him a way, only made him more determined. I wouldn't push for conversion unless he wanted it too asIi know I couldn't convert alone.

I might have some questions for you! is it ok if i PM you?

[Chavelamomela]

I want to wish you lots of luck on your journey (and your family's journey). It's a huge challenge to convert into Orthodox Jew, and it requires a tremendous level of education, commitment and sincerity. It can also be a discouraging process, as you will find different people (both Jews and non-Jews) will regard your journey with either enthusiasm or skepticism.

I find our traditions and rituals to be enriching, exciting and relevant even in these contemporary times, and at the same time, there are things about the Jewish community that frustrate me to no end. I am sure that as you attempt to get to know the Jewish world, you will experience this as well!

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by Chavelamomela

I want to wish you lots of luck on your journey (and your family's journey). It's a huge challenge to convert into Orthodox Jew, and it requires a tremendous level of education, commitment and sincerity. It can also be a discouraging process, as you will find different people (both Jews and non-Jews) will regard your journey with either enthusiasm or skepticism.

I find our traditions and rituals to be enriching, exciting and relevant even in these contemporary times, and at the same time, there are things about the Jewish community that frustrate me to know end. I am sure that as you attempt to get to know the Jewish world, you will experience this as well!

Chavela,

thank you for commenting

I was a part of a very minority group of Christianity that was often looked down on. so I have some experience in that realm. I wasn't a part of mainstream Christianity for a few years now. that said, I'm sure I will still have to go through a lot of turbulence. I have a couple of friends who have converted and they don't make it look easy at all... they have been really honest with me about the difficulties in conversion.

I'm aiming to take it slow. I know it's no quick path. and to be perfectly honest is scares me. I'm learning a lot through some online sources and orthodox rabbis... and through a local chabad house. I'm not sure where that will lead me yet. we'll see... we'll see...

[DashsMama]

Hugs to you! I converted in a Reform Temple about 12 years ago. It took me about 15 years to go through the steps of losing my Christian identity and finding Judaism. Even though a Reform conversion takes less study and time, the path hasn't been easy for me, and there have been times in the last 10 years when I had thought I had lost my faith altogether.

I am currently working on becoming more observant and knowledgeable, and trying to get more connected to our local Jewish community. I'm hoping to find a synagogue where my family can all feel comfortable and where my kids can start to attend Hebrew and religious school. I've also just started to learn to read Hebrew. So even though I converted 12 years ago, I'm kind of in a similar place as you are right now.

Thanks for "coming out." I look forward to hearing about your journey, and hoping to share and learn right along with you.

[Faliciagayle]

Laura, I've read all your posts and threads and my heart has gone out to you in all of them. I don't have much to say (except I agree with Chavale) but I wanted to offer support and a virtual hug. And I hope you are able to find someone in real life whom can inspire and guide you while you search and study.

[TzippityDoulah]

Thanks mamas for your support I really appreciate the warm sincere thoughts.

That said, I just realized I never mentioned why I went for Judaism. It might seem (and I could see why from my condensed story) I just jumped trains from Christianity to Judaism because i felt the need for a religion. and though it is true I do feel the need for a level of observance... I didn't just jump from one to the other. I've been silent here for a while, but spiritually I've been going through quite a journey. After I left Christianity I went through a time of not knowing what to do. I tried just living a good life, but without sounding stupid, it just didn't work for me. I felt too empty and alone. I wasn't sure where to turn. but Judaism seemed to just be around every corner I looked. I kept trying to turn away from it, wekll frankly b/c I just thought i needed time to consider for a bit first. But... I believe in God. the one God. and when I read Torah I just felt truth coming from it. and it's like my soul just wanted it. finally I just forget it, and i jumped in trying to learn more.

this is weird to me. I've been on MDC as a Christian for so long... it's such a part of my identity. I find it very difficult to let go because my whole world is wrapped up in it.


Recently we moved from our old home. we actually (because of work) moved 3 times the past 2 yrs. We really have no close friends anymore. I was pregnant and sick a good portion of that time. and tied down with a newborn the other parts... so I didn't have time for makign new friends. we're been alone for basically 2 yrs. It's given us lots of time for thinking, reflecting and studying. sometimes I think being alone like this can be good. gives you time to examine your life without direct influence from anyone else. It gave me the courage to really look at my beliefs in a deep way. honestly the first yr I was still clinging to them... but after a while of just praying to God and not going to chruch I began making some realizations.

anyhow... I could go on forever so I will just stop here. It's weird to "come out" here as it's been where I have been Christian for so long. But i guess this si a trial run for when I eventually have the talk with my parents... ugh.

[Chavelamomela]

One thing to add:

Judaism is not a solitary religion/way of life. In order to fulfill the Torah, and the will of Hashem (G-d), its necessary (and important!) to be part of a community. Because one person (and one family) cannot do it alone.

So whatever you decide, I urge you to find a community to connect with. A virtual community is nice, but to fulfill the Torah, in-person contact is essential.

Its also emotionally important for your sake to find people to be friends with, a community of supportive people who help each other. This is an important ideal from Jewish tradition: 'Olam Chesed Yibane' - The world is built on acts of kindness (between mankind). In order to practice acts of loving kindness, one must be in a community, and not alone.

[npl]

HennyPenny - wishing you a fulfilling journey as you explore the calling of your soul.
If Othodox Judaism is where you end up, I am sure you will find it spiritually fulfilling and rewarding (we do!).
And I want to add my vote to Chavalemomela's point about community - it is really a beautiful thing to see how the community gives to those around not because they are your friend, but because they are glad for an opportunity to practice giving and loving-kindness.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by Chavelamomela

One thing to add:

Judaism is not a solitary religion/way of life. In order to fulfill the Torah, and the will of Hashem (G-d), its necessary (and important!) to be part of a community. Because one person (and one family) cannot do it alone.

So whatever you decide, I urge you to find a community to connect with. A virtual community is nice, but to fulfill the Torah, in-person contact is essential.

Its also emotionally important for your sake to find people to be friends with, a community of supportive people who help each other. This is an important ideal from Jewish tradition: 'Olam Chesed Yibane' - The world is built on acts of kindness (between mankind). In order to practice acts of loving kindness, one must be in a community, and not alone.

We are getting involved in our semi-local community. We can still make it there regularly, but if we truly did convert obviously we'd need to be closer. There used to be a small community here and I'm trying to figure out what happened to it. perhaps they moved to the nearby town where the chabad house is... or perhaps they are just quieter smaller community... we're meeting with the Rabbi there soon. I'm still so new to this state so I'm trying to find my way around

I would LOATHE moving AGAIN.... but you know for a good reason is worthwhile. I'm just trying to not get ahead of myself here as I'm still not sure this is what we're doing. For now we are exploring it. When my head jumps ahead of my heart I get kinda outta whack. so I'm taking this a step at a time. So yea...I know about the community thing. But I also know this isn't an overnight process. so I'm not too worried about it yet. I know it will work out if that happens. So we have a small online support, we're meeting with the Rabbi soon as he can, and well take it from there.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by npl

HennyPenny - wishing you a fulfilling journey as you explore the calling of your soul.
If Othodox Judaism is where you end up, I am sure you will find it spiritually fulfilling and rewarding (we do!).
And I want to add my vote to Chavalemomela's point about community - it is really a beautiful thing to see how the community gives to those around not because they are your friend, but because they are glad for an opportunity to practice giving and loving-kindness.

thank you. every word of encouragement is very appreciated I'm not sure where I will end up either, but I know I wont regret the journey.

[StarJune]

Originally Posted by HennyPenny

so now... i am contemplating converting to orthodox Judaism.

I absolutely knew that you would end up here. Your questions, thoughts and reasonings were SO familiar.

I knew that in time you would make that change. If you have any questions you can PM me. I fully understand what you are going through. Just remember that it is a journey.

[Nickarolaberry]

HP,

I want to let you know how much I admire your courage, your intellectual honesty, your integrity, and your strength. This is a very long journey for you and I pray that it is spiritually fulfilling. Often the most rewarding things are also the most difficult; but the reward is that much more wonderful for the effort.

I am not a convert; however I came to Orthodox Judaism as an adult after being raised Reform (Jewish). I can empathize with many of your challenges. If you want to 'talk' please feel free to pm me or ask questions. I'm pretty open about this, and have had my own struggles integrating into the Orthodox Jewish community and life. Nonetheless I wouldn't have done any differently if given the chance to go back.

Chazak v'amatz.

[Gypsymama22girls]

If you have any questions you can contact me through PM anytime. Best of luck on your journey...if this is the path you continue on it WILL be trying but it will also be fulfilling.
Also if you need recommendations for anything please ask. I have been in this process 2+ years and will help you in any way I can.

[TzippityDoulah]

thank you mamas for support! it truly means a lot. it's been a trying time. good but trying. I don't think it's gonna get easier any time soon

if anyone wants to give me advice on how to handle your christian parents (father just became a pastor), do tell. I don't want to cut them out of my life... but they just aren't going to be able to comprehend this change whatsoever. they are of the "save the jews form hell" variety... so... yeah...

[lolar2]

Congratulations on finding some direction for your journey!

As far as community, I'm not Jewish but my grandfather was and many of my cousins (the ones from his side of the family) are, so the community part is what I know best. Besides what you are already doing, I would suggest trying to spend time at whatever JCC is most local to you, and maybe getting a subscription to whatever "Jewish Community News"-type publication is reasonably close to you (such as http://www.jewishjournal.com/).

No idea about the parents thing, sorry.

[TzippityDoulah]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Congratulations on finding some direction for your journey!

As far as community, I'm not Jewish but my grandfather was and many of my cousins (the ones from his side of the family) are, so the community part is what I know best. Besides what you are already doing, I would suggest trying to spend time at whatever JCC is most local to you, and maybe getting a subscription to whatever "Jewish Community News"-type publication is reasonably close to you (such as http://www.jewishjournal.com/).

No idea about the parents thing, sorry.

good thoughts, thanks

[Ruthla]

Good luck on your journey. I came to Torah Judaism as an adult, after being raised as a "secular Jew."