Eating Disorder Recovery Tribe

[gerlassie]

Is there a group for moms dealing with their own eating disorders? My food addiction is quite private and I'm not emotionally ready to bring it public. I now know that I have no control over food and that in itself is begining to consume me both mentally and physically. I'm not obsessed with having a certain body type I just need to gain control of this situation. Way too much to go into...especially if I'm the only one here. Just wondering if anyone else is dealing with food issues/eating disorders. By the way, I have been treated for depression several times and I've been trying to avoid taking meds this time around.

[Pariah]

I noticed there seems to be very few of us here dealing with EDs. I tried to find a tribe or other on going thread about it but I haven't seen one. I've been in treatment for...three-ish months now but I'm still losing weight, severely restricting with the occasional binge, etc etc... I hate it because I'm really feeling it lately, like all of a sudden I have no muscles/strength. I carried my sleeping son in from the car a few nights ago and my whole body was burning and shaking and after I laid him down, I had to lay in bed to catch my breath. It makes my boyfriend and I worry a lot...I worry about what muscle loss is doing to my heart.

[AFWife]

to you both.

I'm a recovering bulimic. Sometimes stress makes me look at food as an enemy...even while pregnant.

[greeny]

I'm a recovered anorexic.

The darkest period of my life was when I was suffering from my eating disorder. It was horrendous. I would not wish it on anyone.

[Pariah]

I have a co-worker who frequently says she wishes she could have an ED to lose weight easily, and I really have to supress the urge to punch her in the face when she says that. She knows about my issues too and I tell her that she doesn't know what she's talking about but she still says "Just for a month..." and I think, "Yep, still want to punch you in the face." But I guess since the media does glamourize EDs and extreme thinness/weight loss, it is kind of understandable that people have thoughts like that...

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by Pariah

I have a co-worker who frequently says she wishes she could have an ED to lose weight easily, and I really have to supress the urge to punch her in the face when she says that. She knows about my issues too and I tell her that she doesn't know what she's talking about but she still says "Just for a month..." and I think, "Yep, still want to punch you in the face." But I guess since the media does glamourize EDs and extreme thinness/weight loss, it is kind of understandable that people have thoughts like that...

The biggest rant I ever went on was when a close friend (who knew about my ED) said that she wanted to be anorexic for a few months to lose weight.

[CatsCradle]

I noticed there seems to be very few of us here dealing with EDs. I tried to find a tribe or other on going thread about it but I haven't seen one.

I think maybe the reason you don't see people talking about it is that it is very hard to talk about. There is a lot of shame associated with eating disorders and mental health and I have a hard time myself talking about. I actually started a thread a while back concerning this and I regretted it so much!

I've been dealing with an eating disorder for approximately 25 years. 25 years! (I'm old by MDC standards). Some years have been easier than others. The hardest part is maintaining an appearance of normalcy when things really aren't "normal" at all. It is a very isolating condition. I do admit that prior to DD, it was a form of suicide. Now with DD here, I want to live and be here for her more than anything in the world, I just don't know how to stop the insanity of this condition.

Edited to say that a huge reason it is so hard to talk about is that the public perception of eating disorders is still so skewed. Like many mental health issues, people (without the disorder) feel that you can just snap out of it. In reality, it is really not about food at all, but things much deeper.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by CatsCradle

I think maybe the reason you don't see people talking about it is that it is very hard to talk about. There is a lot of shame associated with eating disorders and mental health and I have a hard time myself talking about. I actually started a thread a while back concerning this and I regretted it so much!

I think that you hit it with this. It's SO hard to talk about...even though I'm recovered I have trouble saying, "Oh, I was bulimic." People judge SO MUCH. Especially those that have never been there.

[_ktg_]

Originally Posted by CatsCradle

I think maybe the reason you don't see people talking about it is that it is very hard to talk about. There is a lot of shame associated with eating disorders and mental health and I have a hard time myself talking about. I actually started a thread a while back concerning this and I regretted it so much!

I've been dealing with an eating disorder for approximately 25 years. 25 years! (I'm old by MDC standards). Some years have been easier than others. The hardest part is maintaining an appearance of normalcy when things really aren't "normal" at all. It is a very isolating condition. I do admit that prior to DD, it was a form of suicide. Now with DD here, I want to live and be here for her more than anything in the world, I just don't know how to stop the insanity of this condition.

Edited to say that a huge reason it is so hard to talk about is that the public perception of eating disorders is still so skewed. Like many mental health issues, people (without the disorder) feel that you can just snap out of it. In reality, it is really not about food at all, but things much deeper.

This! So well said, and reminds me of my darkest days as a bulimic and sometimes even now it rears its ugly head. It is not a condition you can snap out of, you have to live with it every day and have the right tools to manage.

I'm Kate, I'm a recovering bulimic and have been for 12 years, but there are days and self-hatred where I slip and have to begin again.

[greeny]

In reality, it is really not about food at all, but things much deeper.

Totally.

[Pariah]

In reality, it is really not about food at all, but things much deeper.

YES. This is what people just do NOT get when they make the ignorant "I wish I had an ED for a little while to lose weight" comments. It is definitely an outward sign of a bigger issue...which can vary for everyone. I know what mine is, and it makes me really sad, along the lines of needing to be perfect to be loved, etc etc...not helped by lots of bad relationships. Blah.

Like many mental health issues, people (without the disorder) feel that you can just snap out of it.

My mom is just now getting this. Recently she advised me to "just" get a milk shake or something like that every day to get calories in and was like, "Why can't you just do that?" And it is so hard to try to explain to someone why that is not going to happen.

I think maybe the reason you don't see people talking about it is that it is very hard to talk about. There is a lot of shame associated with eating disorders and mental health and I have a hard time myself talking about.

I agree, which is why I poke around here periodically to see if there's an ongoing thread or tribe...I don't like talking about it in person, but online where I'm anonymous it is much easier. While I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it is somewhat comforting to know I'm not alone.

Ahh, today is going to be a day...

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by AFWife

I think that you hit it with this. It's SO hard to talk about...even though I'm recovered I have trouble saying, "Oh, I was bulimic." People judge SO MUCH. Especially those that have never been there.

I have trouble just saying it too... I was anorexic... from about age 16 on... had emotional issues gaining weight during pregnancy almost 10 years later even though I was not actively anorexic anymore... but DS's birth kind of cleared my mind of that kind of thinking. I mentioned once before on another thread that becoming vegan really helped me with my ED... I guess for me I was able to control my food in a healthier, more socially acceptable way, and I can literally eat as much as I want without gaining a pound this way, and all the really 'bad' foods are off-limits & I have a perfect excuse... now it has evolved into a more "normal" thing & I just remain vegan because I enjoy it & feel it's healthy, but I am embarrassed to admit that I started out going vegan through an eating disorder & would never share that with anyone in real life. Arghhh I'm wondering if I should even post this actually.

I have so much trouble talking about it, maybe because I spent so many years trying to hide it...

[gerlassie]

I started writing when my 2 y/o needed me and I lost my thoughts. Anyway, sadly I'm a little glad that I'm not alone. My issues are deep rooted and I want to explain more since I now feel more free to "talk" . But I'll need to check in later after my Little One's are down for their naps.

Thanks for sharing. By the way, I did join Over Eaters Annom. Does anyone have any feed back on working with them or other eating disorders ( binge/purge ) groups?

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by gerlassie

Thanks for sharing. By the way, I did join Over Eaters Annom. Does anyone have any feed back on working with them or other eating disorders ( binge/purge ) groups?

Don't most groups like that use the AA steps and mentality? I've heard good things about those kinds of groups. I've never been (I've never sought professional help of any kind) so I can't speak from experience.

[_ktg_]

I didn't work with OE, and went through about 6 months of weekly therapy with a therapist who specialized in eating disorders. I eat my emotions - sadness, anger, frustration to keep a "happy" face on to the world, then I purge 'em.
She was great, but what I walked away with was, I'll never be "cured" of this its just giving me tools to avoid or redirecting engaging in my destructive behavior and I have to be honest about my behaviors. That's the hard part... the honesty.

[CatsCradle]

I appreciate everyone's comments and honesty here. Thank you Gerlassie for starting this thread.

A little food for thought for anyone who is interested: I sometimes compulsively poke around on the web and within the last year I found some articles by scientists/researchers who have found that there are striking similarities between those with eating disorders and those who have been diagnosed somewhere on the autism spectrum. I don't have time to post any links right now, but all you have to do is goggle "eating disorders and autism spectrum" and you'll get a lot of chatter. They have found that those with eating disorders display many of the same cognitive and behavioral patterns as those on the autism spectrum. In other words, there may be a disconnect in the brain, or (more positively than the term "disconnect") the person reacts to certain anxiety or duress through behaviors that don't make sense to "normal" folks. It all may have less to do with environmental factors (i.e. media and family dynamic) and more to do with brain function. I feel that they may be onto something.

Of course this is all relatively new research, but I find this interesting because for the 30 plus odd years that the medical community has been addressing eating disorders, it seems the focus has been on behavioral modification and/or "talking it out." What is interesting (or tragic, depending on how you look at it) is that eating disorders, which were commonly thought to affect only teens or young adults, are reoccuring in the same women in their 30s, 40s 50s and so on. This leads me to believe that despite concerted effort on the part of many well-intentioned people, there is not a "cure." Positively speaking, however, it appears that more research is being done to try and understand all this.

Sorry for my rather lame attempt to try to explain this...I'm not a scientist but I think it is fascinating.

[crunchy_mommy]

That's really interesting. I wouldn't call myself autistic by any stretch but I have read a TON on autism (I am just fascinated by it) and I definitely have many similar traits... I have always though that autism & OCD had many similar traits and that OCD & eating disorders shared many traits as well, so I am not surprised at the suspected link

I feel horrible for my family having to go through what they (WE) did when I was in ED treatment, they really do take a "blame the parents" (especially mom) approach to it. Makes me so sad that my mom had to bear guilt for something that I don't believe was in any way her fault.

[gerlassie]

That's interesting about the Autism link. My 9 y/o is on the Spectrum Scale and we had many years of mealtime battles. He would eat, just really unusual things. I finally threw in the towel and figured at least he's eating. Today he's more adventuresome and willing to try new foods but I've learned not to push the food issue.

The last time I had professional help I did learn a lot about myself and my parents. When I was younger my mother and aunts thought nothing of openly commenting on my weight ( I'm bottom heavy no matter what way the scale leans ) and laughing. That hurt and I was always told that I was being overly sensitive. My dad died when I was very young and I really don't remember anything about him and my mom was a social butterfly. So, I spent a great deal of time alone. I don't think I have separation issues because I actually prefer my own company ( w/ the exception of my kids...they're my life ) but I learned very early on the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. And I was a terribly lonely child/teenager. I'm seeing history repeat itself with the way my mom treats my children. Almost if she has more important things to do than spend time with them. That hurts! I've worked through that pain but now I'm reliving it with my kids.

Anyway, I grew up turning to food as my non judgemental friend and thus the vicious cycle began. I enjoy eating but often I don't or can't stop. They have been times when I have eaten so much I have become physically ill and vomited without trying. I now know that I'm on a very self destructive path and I need to gain control. I can't pass this behavior to my children. I'm not trying to be a size 6 again I just want to be a size healthier!

I checked out " Overeaters" as a last resort before going back to my doctor and admitting something that I have been hiding. Yes, they do operate with the same principals as AA and 12 Steps but it's not the weight mamagement approach which I found extremely embarrassing. I'm starting with an online group and if I feel it's a good fit then I'll consider going to actual meetings. My other battles have been with depression...for years. Oddly, I don't have bouts when I'm pregnant or nursing but once I wean it comes back with a vengence. I would like to avoid being medicated this time around and that may or may not be a good thing but we'll see. So far B50 Complex recommended by my Midwife for my short periods seems to be helping...has a calming effect.

Thanks!!!

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

I feel horrible for my family having to go through what they (WE) did when I was in ED treatment, they really do take a "blame the parents" (especially mom) approach to it. Makes me so sad that my mom had to bear guilt for something that I don't believe was in any way her fault.

They do that in therapy? Hell, my mother did that herself! She accused me of doing it to hurt HER (especially when I got deep into self-harm/cutting) I was like, "Oh thanks. A disorder that's all about guilt and self-hatred and you're putting MORE on me??"

Which is part of the reason I got the hell out of dodge as soon as I could...which included getting married at 19. (Thankfully it's been a healthy road)

[gerlassie]

My mom is a retired social worker and she is very good at manipulating people and situations. She's also one of those people who has to know everything and if you try to keep any part of your life private then you're hiding something. She wants to control everything and if she can't then she'll tell me that I don't make her feel welcome. I think that's very twisted but it may be a generational thing. My husband's mom does the same thing but she uses food to weigh her love..." show grandma how much you love her by finishing everything on your plate".

I think moms who impose their baggage on their children do hold some responsibility for their kids self destructive behaviors. I don't completely blame my mom but I do feel that "maybe" she could have tried to make more of an effort to be there and to be a little more receptive. I do remember her telling me that she loved me but I don't ever remember feeling it. About the time I started high school I started to hide foods. She would put me down, I would eat. She would punish me, I would eat. Looking back, food was all I really had that was a constant.