I have NO idea where to post this. It didn't seem right to post it in Grief and Loss so here I am!
My recently turned four year old son, Harry was riding on a parade float with my five year old son and one other little boy. They were sitting at this little mini table. We live in a small town of about 2,000 people so the parade isn't huge but big enough. They were with their grandma who was walking along side the float with two other women passing out candy. As they got near us I had my camera out, snapping picture after picture of their little grinning faces as they passed by us, waving like proud little boys. I put my camera down for a second, turned to look at what was coming next (I am sooooo thankful I did this) and when I turned back I saw the woman next to the float pulling my screaming son from the ground and her eyes were like saucers.
I dropped my camera and sprinted over to her, ripping him from her arms. As I was running away to the house I heard my Mother in law yell "Did he get run over?!" And I looked back with an incredulous look, shouting "NO!" (For some reason that sounded ridiculous to me) I got him to the house and he was yelling "Poop, poop, poop" and as I'm examining the only injury I think he has which is a badly scraped knee. I say "Yes sweetie, you can poop as soon as I clean this." Then he screams "No! I already did!" He never poops his pants, ever. So I knew something was wrong. At that point I noticed his arm which I previously thought was drawn on in some weird pattern for the parade, I quickly realized it was tire treads imprinted on his hand, all the way to his shoulder.
So I put two and two together, with the poop and the tire treads and yelled "He got ran over call 9-1-1" Took him out to the yard and got him loaded into the ambulance. Loooooooooong story short we got to the hospital and they ran every test known to man finding NO severe injuries. No broken bones. The trailer ran over his shoulder, across his chest and abdomen and off of his hip. His penis and groin were badly injured, bruised, bleeding...but otherwise fine. His hand and arm and shoulder were bruised and still have very red tire tread marks...but no significant injuries. He's been on pain meds and has had fevers going from normal to 104.6. He spent a night in the hospital and is now home sleeping peacefully in my bedroom.
I finally spoke with the girl who pulled him out from under the trailer and she said had she not gotten him the second tire which is only about a foot from the first would have gone over his head. The trailer that ran over him was 3,000 lbs. I KNOW that I should be just thankful that he is okay, and I AM. At the same time I haven't been able to sleep more then a few hours because I keep playing it over and over in my head, just picturing what I would've done if my little boy had died right there on the pavement in front of my entire family and most of all my VERY sensitive five year old. And how do I live without him...how do I parent two other children after that? I know the thoughts are pointless...Just, the whole scenario makes me so sick. I just lay awake and cry and watch him breathe. I now feel like any little thing will happen and he'll die.
I feel ridiculous because he's doing so good but I'm stressed and exhausted and can't stop having these torturous thoughts.
Thank you for letting me vent!! I'm sorry this entire post is disjointed, I can't seem to get my thoughts to come together in any coherent sentence.
ETA: He's also trying to process this. In the hospital he said "I shouldn't have been trying to reach that candy..." We of course reassured him it was not his fault...and on one of the rolling beds in the ER he looked down at the wheels and said "Mommy...are those for smashing people?" *sobs* He tells people the story...and just really seems to need to talk about it, which I fully allow him to.
My recently turned four year old son, Harry was riding on a parade float with my five year old son and one other little boy. They were sitting at this little mini table. We live in a small town of about 2,000 people so the parade isn't huge but big enough. They were with their grandma who was walking along side the float with two other women passing out candy. As they got near us I had my camera out, snapping picture after picture of their little grinning faces as they passed by us, waving like proud little boys. I put my camera down for a second, turned to look at what was coming next (I am sooooo thankful I did this) and when I turned back I saw the woman next to the float pulling my screaming son from the ground and her eyes were like saucers.
I dropped my camera and sprinted over to her, ripping him from her arms. As I was running away to the house I heard my Mother in law yell "Did he get run over?!" And I looked back with an incredulous look, shouting "NO!" (For some reason that sounded ridiculous to me) I got him to the house and he was yelling "Poop, poop, poop" and as I'm examining the only injury I think he has which is a badly scraped knee. I say "Yes sweetie, you can poop as soon as I clean this." Then he screams "No! I already did!" He never poops his pants, ever. So I knew something was wrong. At that point I noticed his arm which I previously thought was drawn on in some weird pattern for the parade, I quickly realized it was tire treads imprinted on his hand, all the way to his shoulder.
So I put two and two together, with the poop and the tire treads and yelled "He got ran over call 9-1-1" Took him out to the yard and got him loaded into the ambulance. Loooooooooong story short we got to the hospital and they ran every test known to man finding NO severe injuries. No broken bones. The trailer ran over his shoulder, across his chest and abdomen and off of his hip. His penis and groin were badly injured, bruised, bleeding...but otherwise fine. His hand and arm and shoulder were bruised and still have very red tire tread marks...but no significant injuries. He's been on pain meds and has had fevers going from normal to 104.6. He spent a night in the hospital and is now home sleeping peacefully in my bedroom.
I finally spoke with the girl who pulled him out from under the trailer and she said had she not gotten him the second tire which is only about a foot from the first would have gone over his head. The trailer that ran over him was 3,000 lbs. I KNOW that I should be just thankful that he is okay, and I AM. At the same time I haven't been able to sleep more then a few hours because I keep playing it over and over in my head, just picturing what I would've done if my little boy had died right there on the pavement in front of my entire family and most of all my VERY sensitive five year old. And how do I live without him...how do I parent two other children after that? I know the thoughts are pointless...Just, the whole scenario makes me so sick. I just lay awake and cry and watch him breathe. I now feel like any little thing will happen and he'll die.
I feel ridiculous because he's doing so good but I'm stressed and exhausted and can't stop having these torturous thoughts.
Thank you for letting me vent!! I'm sorry this entire post is disjointed, I can't seem to get my thoughts to come together in any coherent sentence.
ETA: He's also trying to process this. In the hospital he said "I shouldn't have been trying to reach that candy..." We of course reassured him it was not his fault...and on one of the rolling beds in the ER he looked down at the wheels and said "Mommy...are those for smashing people?" *sobs* He tells people the story...and just really seems to need to talk about it, which I fully allow him to.
I couldn't read this and not post. I'm so sorry to hear what your son went through. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I'm so glad that he is doing well and send thoughts for a speedy recovery.
I Thank God that your little boy is OK and will recover. Please momma, make sure you take care of yourself and his emotional needs if he seems to be having a lot of anxiety about it still in a few weeks. You may end up having PTSD which can be very difficult to deal with alone, so please talk to someone.
