Getting Pregnant after Trauma

[mrscompgeek]

DH and I arent trying yet, planning to start trying next summer/fall. But I had birth trauma (homebirth successful but had 4th degree vaginal tears and had to go to the ER, got spinal block/put to sleep to stitch, horrible horrible pain while healing!) and I am not ready to get pregnant again! The pregnancy was great, super healthy the whole time no concerns, the actual labor was great, 6 hours so short/intense but not more then I could handle. Im just terrified of having tears again or causing permanant damage.
If you had birth trauma/tearing how long was it before you were ready to try for next baby? Did going into labor bring back all the old memories? Was it hard for you? Did it make you not want to push or make you apprehensive during labor?
I do know that there is a few things I want to change next labor. I didnt push in the tub because her heartrate dropped so i had to get out and push on land, and the midwife had me push on the birth stool and I did not like it and I have since read that birth stools cause more tearing then with out it. And also the midwife thought DDs arm was by her face 1 week before labor and then when she was born it wasnt by her face, so she thought maybe she moved her arm while being born causing such bad tearing also. . There was a lot of things that could have caused the tears so I am aware that it might not happen again. Its just hard to wrap my mind around that!!

[MommatoAandA]

Oh hunny, I cannot imagine what you went/are going through. I did not have tearing (none that required stitching). I was apprehensive during pushing with my first, but with my second she just fell out. Your birth with your second is often times easier than the first. I am not sure about the occurence of re-tearing in subsequent deliveries though, I hope you get some answers and some peace. ((HUGS))

[InMediasRes]

So sorry, mama. I had a really difficult time with my first as well. I had him at a hospital with an OB, was young and naive, let them bully me, stick me in the bed forever. I was so scared and out of control that I stalled myself in transition for 10 hours. I exhausted myself, couldn't eat anything and was STARVING , and finally consented to an epidural. I felt so defeated and stupid that I let my OB talk me into an episiotomy too . It was so painful to recover from, and I had pain durin sex for a long time afterwards.

Then I got surprise pregnant when DS was 15 mo old. I was horrified that I would "fail" again. What really needed to happen was that I needed to come to terms with the fact that some things are out of my control. I researched the whole thing to death, found a great MW and a FSBC to deliver at, attended my friend's birth (which empowered me so much), and did SO much positive-affirmation and meditating. I just lay in bed every night before going to sleep and repeated mantras to myself over and over again "I can do this. I'm strong. My body knows what to do. I am beautiful." For you, you might use something else.

Then, when I went into labor, it was like all the mantras took hold of me and I was in a different place. I was calm and right with my baby, not thinking about my previous delivery at all. I purposely pushed it out of my mind. Of course, I worried about it like crazy before hand, but when those contractions started, I was a different me. The pushing was a little scary at first because I hadn't felt that last time with the epi, but it truly was so fast. It's like PP said, she just sort of fell out. I had one teensy tiny tear that needed like 2 stitches and it healed up super fast and easy. I was so nervous that my episiotomy scar would burst open. What really helped with that was talking to my MW about it and asking her how many times old tears open up during delivery, and her assurance really was priceless to me.

[mrscompgeek]

Thanks for the encouragement!!
The more I read the better I feel! SOOO many stories of women having bad tears/experiences with #1 and havin MUCH better results for #2!

[MommatoAandA]

I did want to add that with my first birth I felt the ring of fire, I instinctually stopped pushing and my midwife at the hospital was fantastic and massaged my perineum for about 5 minutes during crowning and actually for about the 10 minutes of pushing prior to crowning, also in between pushes I was asking for warm compresses and had them for 30 minutes of my pushing in between every contraction, I think all that prep caused only a skid mark of a tear (I had two very minor tears upwards and downwards).

With my second, she came so fast and so easy. Second babies just seem easier. No burning at all and four minutes and one push she was out.

[mrscompgeek]

Originally Posted by MommatoAandA

I did want to add that with my first birth I felt the ring of fire, I instinctually stopped pushing and my midwife at the hospital was fantastic and massaged my perineum for about 5 minutes during crowning and actually for about the 10 minutes of pushing prior to crowning, also in between pushes I was asking for warm compresses and had them for 30 minutes of my pushing in between every contraction, I think all that prep caused only a skid mark of a tear (I had two very minor tears upwards and downwards).

With my second, she came so fast and so easy. Second babies just seem easier. No burning at all and four minutes and one push she was out.

Good to know!! I do plan on very much having my midwife and doula remind me to push SLOW and not all out pushing like I did with my first. And if I end up being out of water like I had to last time I plan to have the warm compresses.
Thanks!!

[Dese]

I only had minor tears/abrasions both times and no stitches but I just wanted to second the experience of MommatoAandA. I had the terrible ring of fire first time and was most scared about that going into the second birth. This time I pushed once and her head was out, then another push and I was done! Completely skipped the ring of fire part. All that worrying for nothing.

[mrscompgeek]

OOOh thanks! Im so much more encouraged now! Not quite as terrified, lol!

[jodi5]

I struggled with my first and was scared to get pregnant again. My second labour went better and my third was my best and a birth I want to remember. Something that really helped me was the hypnobabies self study program. I didn't have no pain like some say but I felt very calm and focused. As a previous poster mentionned the affirmations did wonders for me. It helped me to prepare myself to give birth and release my fears.

Good luck! Don't be afraid to give yourself a little more time if you need it. There is a reason my kids are all four years apart, lol. But try not to be afraid either, chances are it will go so much better. My grandma had 10 kids and said her first birth by far was the most difficult.